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Behaviour/development

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Long afternoons with cranky toddler and new baby. Help!?

6 replies

HotSteppa · 11/03/2015 00:19

DD is nearly 18 months. She has an 8 week old brother who has arrived and shaken things up for her, though thankfully for us all he is so far a pretty content little soul. She attends nursery 2 days a week and when we are at home we generally try and keep busy, visiting granny, park and play groups. But there comes times when we just have to stay home and I think this sounds awful but i think we both find it difficult.

When we are at home I try and alternate between leaving her to it and actively playing, stacking blocks or cups, shape sorter, dolls and cups of tea etc but she seems to get bored so quickly these days and tends towards the things she knows I will stop her doing, climbing up to stand on chairs or dragging the fire guard and most difficult of all, scratching or hitting the little one.

I tell her no firmly, explain why she cant do what she is doing, if she carries on I tend to put her down on the floor but this becomes the game. It seems like she resists engaging in the activities im suggesting though I try and give lots of praise and positive attention while we play. It definitely gets worse when she is tired, which she is often though she still has a good nap and sleeps well at night (thank the lord, long may it continue! ) Wondering if anyone has any ideas of breaking the cycle, maybe new activities as it does tend to be pretty samey, have orderd a few more crafty things, stickers and paint though not sure she has the atrention span, have started letting her watch cooking and helping stir things etc when its safe as she seems to want to be close by much of the time. Since ds arrived she is definitely more clingy and I have tried to go with that as far as possible though I cant always pick her up or whatever and this results in lots of tears. Poor thing, just feel she is quite stressed, definitely getting more teeth too. Not sure what I am asking other than has anyone else been here?

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
holeinmyheart · 11/03/2015 08:51

Jealousy is a powerful emotion and your 18mth old cannot verbalise her feelings so she just responds with raw emotion. She cannot rationalise and is too young to think' mummy will like me better if I am quiet and sit still ' etc etc.
I am afraid the only answer is first of all to check that she is not in distress with her teeth and then put a lot of effort into thinking that this stage will not last. It takes patience but you could rotate her toys, so that she has something new to her on a daily basis.
I found a Fisher Price Jumperooo an absolute boon and a nice warm bath.
I used diversions such as having a collection of matchboxes with things in them such as a sultana or a grape. I then made a big fuss about what was in them. I made no comment about the naughtiness as I didn't want that to continue.
Every time you count ten and remain calm in the face of what you see as provocation you are reinforcing to your child that you are calm and rational. You will be paid back in shed loads when your Dd grows up and reminisces about the happy childhood you gave her.
She is 18mths old and you are an adult. You are the only one who can modify their behaviour, in order to modify hers.
Best of luck because it is one of the hardest times of your life. Be patient and inventive.

jaybirdsinginginthedeadofnight · 11/03/2015 14:07

I sympathise Smile DD was 17 months when DS was born. She was insanely jealous and not yet walking, I had had a CS so yeah first few months was trying to put it mildly. DD is turning 3 next month and DS coming up on 18 months and although they are easier at times it is still challenging and jealousy plays a big part in this.

DD goes to nursery 3times a week and this is a big help she absolutely loves nursery and thrives there and although racked with guilt at the start it has been the best thing for all of us.

Patience is paramount Grin At 18months my DD was difficult to amuse for anything but short periods of time, I rely heavily on family help to give me a break now and again and when DD is with her GP's she is the centre of their universe for a short spell anyway. Likewise if someone can mind your DS for a short while so you can have some one on one with your DD for a wee spoil now and again Smile Ultimately they are both very young and your DD still a baby herself, she will adjust and get used to her brother eventually, my two are even known to play together now (on the odd occasion). Don't feel guilty if you have to put the TV on for 10mins to keep the older one amused while you get a few bits and pieces done.

Look forward to nap times and bedtime Grin Best parts of the day!

VeryPunny · 11/03/2015 14:15

Nearly 2 year old and a four month old here. It is hard, my DD isv clingy and says "no baby" a lot, and has bitten him more than once. It's a bit easier now the weather is improving so we can go to the park. We can waste nearly an hour in a bubble bath (DS in sling or bouncy chair). No family nearby so DD is still in nursery. Patience is a must, her whole world changes so fast even without a new sibling.

And for those days: everybody's fed, nobody's dead!

HotSteppa · 12/03/2015 02:46

Thanks for your replies. I really appreciate it. I can't imagine trying to do this if dd wasn't walking and recovering from a cs too! Youtch! I notice the word patience is in all your responses Grin so I get the feeling this is not something I can necessarily solve but more ride out. I am loving the idea of daytime baths, she loves a bath, and the match box idea is really creative, I reckon she would go for it. I think I am going to try and be a bit inventive with how I say no as the word seems to have become a bit of a flash point and might have been a little over used as it seems to flair her temper and she is wandering around with her pointer finger out saying no very solemnly to cats and dolls!

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cleoteacher · 14/03/2015 19:39

Thanks for this post OP going through exactly the sane thing. My ds is 2.3 and dd is only 3 weeks so it's early days but already I feel close to the end of my tether with ds. I try to remember he is so young and I am not one for shouting but have lost my rag with him several times already and it's only early days! I am thinking Christ how long is this going to last?

It's nice to hear this is normal and people are going through the same thing. I don't mind the odd tantrum with ds it's the constant moaning and irrational behaviour that grates on me. It's all day, everyday with no nice periods at the moment. Coupled with illness it's been hell.

AnythingNotEverything · 14/03/2015 19:52

I'll have 2 with a 20 month gap this summer. I'm apprehensive.

Mid afternoon baths sound fun. I'm training DD up with colouring in and sticker books. I also think Peppa Pig will feature heavily.

Good luck OP. It'll be worth it Smile

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