7 year old being abused or ADHD? VERY concerned nanny

[jessicaf23]

If anyone has read my previous questions I have starting noticing a pattern if not I am a nanny to a little boy who is adorable, loving, cuddly one minute then angry the next I only drop him home in the afternoon his parents seem all sweet but he is starting to tell me things and that is when his behavior changes. There was an incident on Sunday afternoon with the boys dad he got mad at him, threw him on the bed and made him hit his knee leaving quite a bad mark he does tell lies but I have been abused as a young teenager it started when I was 13 that is when my behaviour got worse too so I am starting to see a pattern here I am VERY worried it could of been going on for weeks I know with me the parents can act all sweet and perfect with there son and younger son but who knows? I know people can be cruel this little boy can be very diffucult but since this problem on Sunday on Monday he was agressive a COMPLETE mood change after school and then this afternoon the same he is more quiet in the mornings and I feel like he is hiding something maybe he is scared?

Can I PLEASE get some advice about this its like I can feel his pain but he is more quiet in the mornings than normal lately this has been going on since about November last year but also the previous school year

Thank you

I also thought that he acts like he doesn't want to go home which sometimes causes problems he can get quite agressive too I stay completely calm with him but I am very worried and don't know if it is ADHD or he is being abused? He is still in pulls up, and his mum doesn't give a monkeys really about his bad behaviour its like infront of me he is getting away with it

Do you drop him at school? They will have a named person in charge of safeguarding (usually the head). Make a note of your concerns and ask to make an appointment and discuss it with them. They won't be able to share any information they have with you, but they will make a record of it and if the boy's teachers have any similar concerns they they'll contact social services or the police.

Hi Leloo1 yes I do drop him off at school too he doesn't sometimes want to go to school in the mornings so I am very confused if hes being abused as his behaviour changes if there is an incident at home this is the 2nd one hes told me about but he seemed pretty scared to talk about it though if he is I am VERY proud of him hes only 7 and a half hes 8 this year I love him to bits and I wouldn't let ANYONE ever hurt him or the other 2 boys I look after perhaps I can speak with the school about it over the phone to see if hes quiet?

Have you had any safeguarding training as part of training to be a nanny? It would be a very helpful thing to do.

Your job here is to report any concerns, to school or social services. Don't try to question him or investigate, just report what he tells you or what you notice that you feel is a concern.

I did but I have been severally abused so I am worried for his sake and worrying about loosing my job too although his safety is my main concern I am going to call the NSPCC for advice and hope that if he is being abused that hes removed and put into a safe place I would foster or adopt him ANYDAY in a heart beat it would ruin the family but the dad shouldnt of thrown the 7 year old like that it broke my heart when he told me

I would not do anything until you have a consistent picture. Have you had appropriate training? To be honest you sound quite young,it is very responsible of you to be so concerned for his welfare, but you sound like you are potentially projecting your bad experiences onto this situation and even getting over attached (I can't see how it is appropriate to be imagining adopting him).

Boys of that age can get a testosterone surge and be prone to bad tempers - I know my boy can be prone to anger and mood swings and be adorable the next. I do not think one incident( of which you have an incomplete picture) is at all a fair basis on which to involve his school and possibly social services. I would advise you to watch for other concerning incidents or behaviours and not to jump to conclusions just yet.

You need to be very careful you are not reading more into the situation than really is going on.
You need to report what the child said, but stop asking him questions or fishing for information. It sounds as though you have been pressurizing him to tell you what happened - this is NOT appropriate.

You are not trained to do this, and your background is preventing you being impartial.

The child could also be not reporting events truthfully. But that is not your concern. You need to report and let someone else investigate. If the boy has visible marks, school should make note.

Your comments about adopting etc are desperately inappropriate. As the caregiver employed by the family, you need to be maintaining a professional distance at this point. Concern is good - moving on to suspecting abuse and offering adoption is not good.