Nearly 4-year-old DS doesn't accept "rejection"

[Marabou]

My DS is going to be 4 in a few months. He is very cheeky and bubbly and as an only child, he craves the company of other children to play with.

He is going to be home educated and we have started to go to a few meetups with other home educators locally. The ages of the children in these meetups range from newborn to pre-teens. Unfortunately, I've noticed some things in his behaviour recently during these meetups, that worry me slightly.

DS is normally very excited to see all the other kids, who he hasn't really known for more than a few weeks, so they don't really know him. In his excitement, he will run in straight and try to join in whatever play is going on (some of these meetups are in an indoor play centre, so lots of very physical play normally). However, sometimes the other children don't want to include him in the play for whatever reason. I think it could be that my DS is a bit too eager, or then he's just interrupted something, or the fact that they don't really know him and already have set groups of friends, not really sure. I've taught DS to ask first if he can join in the play, which he often does, but sometimes, the other child/ren might say no. When that happens, you'd think DS would just back off and perhaps find someone else or something else to play with, but instead, he will just try to force himself into the play. He will do stuff like stand in the other children's way or try to bear-hug them etc. which just annoys them all the more.

I'm afraid some of the children have started to pick up on these traits DS has and I can see some of the older children roll their eyes etc. when these incidents happen. If I've been standing close by and DS as well as the other children have been a bit rough with their play and I've intervened, I've noticed the younger children have then turned that round and started excluding DS from play.

I'm really unsure as to how to best approach this. I'm also a bit confused, as DS has up to now been doing quite well with the kids we see regularly and I haven't seen such issues before. It makes me a bit sad, as I feel like he is trying really hard to impress this new group of kids and is just coming across as 'desperate' and a bit weird to them.

I think that you are unduly worrying and are second guessing about how a bunch of kids react to your 4 year old.
Your 4 year old sounds pretty normal to me. If it disturbs you that much is it necessary to go to the meetings at all?

i have a four year old GS and he loves other children but I don't care how they react to him. He is boisterous and looks to see what they are doing and joins in whether they want him to or not. He is doing his own thing. I know that he is too young for SOCIAL NICETIES as yet.
I wouldn't let him hurt anyone, but I wouldn't let anyone physically hurt him either.
If your four year old was biting or pushing and behaving aggressively towards the others, then I would feel concerned, but as I said I think you are over thinking.
If you were able to ask the other children about what they think about your son, I bet they would say that they don't think about him much at all.

Your four year old is too young to be desperately trying to impress anyone.

Stop worrying, you can't live your son's life for him. You will not be able to protect him from all of life's knocks either. Does he seem unhappy . Does he want to go to the meetings ? Are the other parents welcoming to you ?

Because your post seems more about you really, and your fears. Sorry

You say you are intervening when the older kids get "a bit rough". Unless your child runs to you crying, let him work it out. You don't have to step in to be his defender - it babies him and the other kids are getting the message from you that he's a baby. Some kids LOVE rough play - leave them to it!

If you do feel the need to step in, one phrase you can use is "is this a real fight or a play fight?" If either party says its a real fight you can say "fighting is only with consent! Let's break it up!" Typically they say it's a play fight, so you can leave them to it.

Don't teach him to ask if he can play. I read on MN that it's an open invitation for rejection among kids. Just let him find his way on his own...they do it their own way.

Are you sure he has enough social interactions during the day? Homeschooling can be a bit lonely and young children crave company.

I wouldn't worry, if you watch a bunch of kids in a park they generally just start playing games together, without asking each other they just dive in.

My 3 yr old ds is similar to yours, he sees kids running and just goes and joins in. Sometimes the kids embrace the new addition, and some kids look at him as if to say who is this?! Their reaction may be based on how used they are to seeing other people too. What I mean is don't view it like they are rejecting your son, but that the other children aren't used to socialising yet. As the meet ups continue they will all get more used to each other.

I think it is harder as the mum, if I see people don't want to play with my ds, it does make me feel so sad for him. Sometimes if we've started doing something fun together, then other kids have tried to join in with him.

Good luck with the home schooling. My brother and his wife home school and have found it a really positive experience. They have many friends that home school and the kids are all very well socialised.