What could be wrong?

[Anonymousmum123]

Posting a question on behalf of my sil I know where to start but She is very concerned about her daughter!

She is 7 and full of issues, she has always been a handful and to be perfectly honest has always been a spiteful nasty child. Even going back to being just a year old and walking she was spiteful to other children and it was just more than a paddy over sharing she basically went out her way to continue to hurt any child near her continually biting, hiring, screaming, scratching etc. and even now at the age of 7 she is still spiteful and you can see her trying to hurt even newborn babies by pinching, squeezing them and you know she us doing it on purpose as you can see her eyes light up and the look on her face.

When she was 5 she shaved off over half the hair on her head, when asked why she just shrugged, her hair has never grown back properly because she has continued to pull it out leaving her with big bald patches and skis her eyelashes. Her school honestly never even mentioned this and it wasn't until She approached then that they said they had no concerns as she is very bright and well behaved at school. She has taken her to the doctors and also was just told it was middle child syndrome.

She spend her life googling trying to find out what may be wrong but to be honest is just drawing a blank, can anyone offer any help ideas?

Main points hair pulling, spiteful, does not listen, disruptive, has huge meltdowns, hates loud noises such as balloons popping etc yet she is very well behaved at school but her behavior is really tough on sil

I prob haven't

A 1 year old can never be spiteful, it's not possible as they just don't have the understanding of other people to think like that.

How does a 5 year old shave their own hair off? Was it with clippers? I don't think that is particularly indicative of anything other curiosity. The continued hair pulling is more serious and could be a sign of anxiety or stress. It's called trichotillomania and the GP ought to be able to advise and refer to experts about this.

What behaviour approaches has your SIL used so far with her? It's going to be very hard to offer any advice without knowing what they have tried so far.

Thank you for your reply, so far my sil is not getting anywhere just more and more stressed and upset by the constant battle, no one seems to be listening to her or sees this as a problem, and I guess because the school don't have any problems with her there they don't see it as a issue either.

The first time it was done with a razor we believe as no clippers in the house since then it has been pulling as nothing else including scissors is accessible for her! The hair pulling always takes place away from others and the hair has never been found.

We did look up the tirchotillomania and that it's connected to anxiety but sil wonders if it's something more or maybe a combination of things because of her behavior.

Maybe I didn't explain well and I do agree that a 1 year old is not able to understand but there has always been this behavior from that age kind of a anger it's really difficult to describe

What we are trying to find out is how she can best go about getting this sorted and getting the right support for her dd and herself because so far no one really seems interested

Have you tried looking at info on autism in girls? Presents very differently to the generally assumed symptoms most often seen in boys so can be missed. Worth a read maybe

She's most likely to be eating the hair if you don't find it lying around - an odd but common thing that people with trichotillomania do. Have you tried giving her something silky like hair to play with in bed? A soft toy with shiny fabric, or similar, as often you can substitute an object for the hair that's being pulled.

You could get your SIL to have a look at the M-CHAT online questionnaire that gives an indication of the possibility of autism, and is suitable for young children. That might highlight any concerns in that area, or make it more obvious if there are not any concerns.

Children can sometimes manage at school with whatever is causing them upset, but then can't manage any longer at home. So you get the worse behaviour at home because they feel safe to let it out.

I've seen other people on here mention a book called the Explosive Child, maybe that could be worth a look?

Does your SIL have any addiction or substance abuse issues, or did she, during pregnancy?

Thanks for the replies some good idea there.

She we have thought of autism but like you say presents very differently in girls.

No substance/alcohol abuse at all teetotal

I apologise for using the term, but there have been a couple of girls in the schools my DCs have gone to who have been deemed "sociopathic" and they have had to have an independent adult present with them to watch and check their behavior all the time (this is the US where that kind of extra adult in class is paid for by tax / local govt if necessary).

Its not the nicest diagnosis but it sort of lines up with the behavior you are describing.

Sociopathy can't be diagnosed in children as young as 7, and there's nowhere near enough info given here to make any kind of definite suggestion as to what might be going on.

OP, has your SIL thought about seeing a child psychologist privately, if school won't refer to CAMHS?

I would still like to know what approach to behaviour your SIL has been using so far - has she stuck with one approach or tried several different things?

School don't need to refer. You can go to the GP and ask for a referral yourself. You do not need school support for this referral. I know this because school would not refer dd as she had no issues at schools.

Yes, sorry, I meant independently from school rather than private in the non-NHS sense.

This link is helpful:

www.psychologytoday.com/blog/insight-is-2020/201402/the-sociopathic-child-myths-parenting-tips-what-do