HELP...How do you get an 18mth to entertain themselves

[PokemonStorey]

Hi There - new member here - I work 3 days (ds is in family daycare those days), but all of the other days it's either dh or I who "looks after" ds - playing and entertaining him the whole time. It's so hard when all he does is pull your hand to lead you onto the 'next' activity, and then screams murder if you don't go with him. I guess he can entertain himself to a certain degree, but we are only a couple of metres away from him at any one time, so I guess our main role is to supervise, but if we go outside and I take a book to read and a cuppa - forget it - ds is constantly badgering me to interact with him, or he disappears around corners and I wonder if he tries to eat a poisonous spider (which are common here) or something like that. We have no family, nor network to assist us to give us a break and we're finding this absolutely exhausting (all of this playing business). Both my dh and I argue constantly about the need for more personal time where we can devote our time to our own interests (eg exercise) We are planning to have another baby soon, but I shudder to think how it would be if ds needs this level of supervision. In fact some mornings I wake up cringing about what I'm going to do with my ds that day. I watch the clock to see if it is getting close to his nap time and then his bedtime and when dh gets home to help me - it's exhausting, and I'm starting to resent playtime as it's now a chore as I get nothing done .....but I guess dh and I didn't know any better....I'm at my wits end and NEED my space. We are more mature parents and don't really have the energy to keep up with ds. I know I'm complaining - but I love my ds so much and I couldn't live with myself if something happened to him on 'my watch'. Thank you for letting me offload onto you ladies.....
Please, please give me some advice as to how I get him to entertain himself, or how I can claim my time back for myself. Thank you so much.
PS: we can't afford babysitters.

How about taking him for a walk to the park or a local petting farm.

Treasure hunt - get your dh to hide say six toys out in the garden then you and ds can "find" them - shouldn't be too boring as you won't know where they are either!!!! then hopefully he will "rediscover" the playvalue in these toys and play nicely with them whilst you can relax!

Or fill a babybath with water and give him a selection of kitchen utensils to play with.

Hi, PokemonStorey (and welcome),

Do you have friends with children nearby? I meet up with my friends and their children in the afternoons in the park, local farm, softplay/cafe etc (depending on weather). You feel you're having your "own" time as the kiddies play and we chinwag/drink tea, eat cake etc.

If you don't have friends with kids to meet up with, how about drop-in parent and toddler groups? Or your local leisure centre with a creche for a chance for a swim with/without your ds....?

Hope that helps. Dinny

yep, I agree with dinny. I rarely plan to have a whole day on my own entertaining ds1 - will generally try to organise meeting up with friends either am or pm, or go to a mums and toddler group. I also do little trips - to the park or up to the corner shop - to break up the am or pm 'session.' But I sense that perhaps what you want is time by yourself rather than socialising with friends - that's a bit more tricky. I try to spend most of ds1's naptime pleasing myself rather than doing chores - I'll sit down with the paper and a cup of tea (and chocolate!) and just revel in the peace and quiet. The only other time we have 'me' time is in the evening after bedtime - would it help for you and dh to each have an evening out of the house? Or at the weekends, what about negotiating time by yourself while the other one entertains ds? I think you also need to have some time together as a couple - do you have any friends you can exchange babysitting with?
I find that it helps me not to TRY to do other things when I am 'on duty' with the kids, but to try and organise specific time off. Realistically an 18 month old is rarely going to spend extended periods playing alone. The other thing you could try doing is enlisting his 'help' with activities like washing and cooking. hth.

Um, I resort to tv and video when all else fails, and I don't think I'm a particularly bad mummy. It's OK for 30 mins or so while you get on with doing something, and you could always get a really good quality educational video/dvd so you don't feel guilty.

Definitely agree with the softplay areas. They were a godsend when I had to small children under3. I met lots of other mums this way too.1 It is a hard age as both of my children were demanding but I found that once they had been out for a few hours they were definitely easier to entertain. The local park was also a favourite as were mother and toddler groups. I also found that when I really, really needed some time for me the good old tv/video worked. Only about half an hour but it gave me time to clean, have a cup of tea, shower etc. My 2 are now at school all day and all I can say is that it does get easier with age. Once your ds starts some sort of playgroup I am sure you will notcie a big difference. Good luck

probably not the best advice here, but u can always put on a video or cbeebies. This helps when I need to do something in the kitchen or even read a magazine. My dd 22 months has always loved this so in a way its a treat for both of us. As long as it is not on too much (something I am controling at the moment!!)

My dd loves her books and will sit by herself looking at the pictures and trying to say the words. The older they get the more independent they become, this is what I have found anyway.

Good luck.

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Definately get him to "help" with your chores so that his naptime is free for you to relax. DD loved water at this age, and would happily "wash up" plastic stuff next to me whilst I got on with things in the kitchen.
And whilst it won't give you time to yourself, an 18 month old can easily get involved in your exercise - they make great dumbells for shoulder lifts, and will be very amused to dance along with an aerobics video.
And it does get better - dd is nearly 2 now and will happily sit beside me on the sofa and read her own books with minimal intervention whilst I read a magazine.

Gosh, my 18-mo-old dd is nowhere near the level to "help" with chores, no matter how basic, Prufrock. Wish she was!

pokemonstorey: my pessimistic observation is that some children can/will entertain themselves, others cannot. Dd's are slightly better at it in general than ds's, but even that's no guarantee. I have one child who, at 18-mos and beyond, pulled me, as yours does, from one activitiy to the next, and another, undemanding dd who at 18 mos can potter around and play with things she finds, relatively safely. I agree with others who say that television can help--but you probably don't want to go too far with that. I guess what I'm saying is that if your ds is needy in that way you describe, as mine was/is, no amount of training, encouraging, badgering, begging is going to make him into a more self-sufficient lad until he's ready. I guess that's more "philosophy" than advice but hope it helps in its own way.

PokemonStorey, I think this is probably the bane of lots of toddler parents' lives! Like expatkat says, some are happy with their own company, others want constant attention and there's not an awful lot you can do about that. But it does get better I've found. Dd went from being a very self-sufficient baby until around 15 months when she became much more demanding. But already at 18 months she's becoming content to play on her own. Some of it is sort of instigated by me, i.e. I tell her how she can make her plastic farm animals march across the chair or climb the walls and she then sort of takes these ideas over and repeats them for a week or so. Then it'll be something else - making toys climb up and into the laundry basket was a recent favourite. They often don't realise the potential of their own toys until you show them, animate them, make them come alive in some way for them.

expatkat, my dd's quite good at 'helping' with chores, though I have to say her 'help' is sometimes more a hindrance than a real help. Doesn't your dd like standing on a stool etc. next to the sink and helping you 'wash up'? Dd gets so absorbed in that I get quite a few things done around her at the same time.

yes I agree with the helping - dd often hangs washing on the radiators, helps me get it off again, helps with sorting out the laundry (and learns about colours while she's doing it!), helps me put the shopping away. I use the word help loosely here of course!

Other things I find helpful

Plasticine - she makes endless snakes and will spend 10 mins putting numerous eyes on a tortoise that I've made for eg

Drawing - well, scribbling.

Playing with water - I give her a few containers and a jug of water and let her pour it between them all then mop up afterwards.

Exercise - she does "stretches" with us etc

Playing hide and seek

Video/tv is always a good one! As is putting on loud music and dancing.

I do usually arrange to meet someone if I'm on my own with dd all day, just go to the park and let them run around or go to the soft play places.

Hi PokemonStorey,

I agree with all the tips so far. A variation on the idea of showing them the toys' potential is to move the toys around every now and then (ie if you keep a selection in several rooms), and (try to!) make sure they're quite well-organised - ie not all thrown together but grouped (animals, building blocks, tea set etc in seperate bags/boxes, not just thrown together); I also try to vary which ones come out.(my mum, a primary school and special needs teacher, even recommends putting some things totally out of sight for 2-3 weeks - never got round to being this organised myself but it sounds like a good idea) The best value toys I've ever had have been plastic food and tea-sets - combined with a toy microwave and/or a till or just some card-board boxes, there are endless possibilities. Also agree with the bowl of water and kitchen utensils/plastic bowls as an excellent entertainer. Water and a paintbrush and sponges outside is good too, if you have a bit of patio - mess free painting.

On another note, when dh and I are feeling that we aren't getting any "me" time we do a rota. ie on Sat morning the girls are one person's responsibility and the other person can do whatever they want, then swap on Sunday. It works for us because we agree it in advance, we know it's fair, and then you don't have to all that negotiating "do you mind if I go to the gym?" stuff. You just go. Or stay in bed. Or lie in the bath listening to the Archers.

I have a rather clingy ds who is 14 mos. I have found that outings are the best way to help him develop independence. The more often we go to a place, the more confident he becomes in it, eg, local (free) playgroup. We try to do at least one thing every day. I would go mad sitting around the house all day trying to entertain him. I often despaired of his ever letting go of me, but he has definitely improved over time. And the confidence outside the home carries over to less clinginess when we are home. I suggest trying to meet other parents (all are in the same boat!!) for playdates outside the home. That doesn't cost anything and you will get a bit of adult company -- very important! Hang in there, Pokemom. My son was the same way, but each week he gets a little better.

hello

i put my ds in a swim nappy in the bath (empty) set the taps to a tepid temperature, and fill up bowl and buckets of water, give her wooden spoons and sieves and a watering can, then i can sit on the toilet (not going to the toilet) and have a cup of tea and a read. shes quite happy getting wet and filling up the containers again and again, then when shes done theres no mess to clean up. also scoop the bubbles from the top of the washing up bowl, put them in a bucket,bowl and let her mop the floor for me, still needs doing afterwards, but she feels shes helping and i dont get pulled around while trying to wash up, hope this helps.