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Normal six years old behaviour or ADHD?

14 replies

ranoutofideas · 27/02/2015 11:09

Dh, 6, had his school report this week and got a really bad "mark" for behavior, which we were a bit surprised about as he is a lovely boy (i.e not a trouble maker who gets into fights or bullies etc...).

Had the parent evening and the teacher told us that his behavior was starting to be very disruptive in class and that it wasn't fair on the other children. Apparently he chats on the carpet (so far so normal), is unable/unwilling to follow instructions for instance is she asks them to come on the carpet, he will stay in the book corner or doing whatever he was doing and she has to call him several time. The other day she gave them calculations and ask for them to put them in column and apparently he decided to put them in lines instead. She said that he has trouble concentrating or starting a task, that he faffts with things before getting on, that he needs a lot of attention and that he blurts out the answers on the carpet. She also said that he was a lovely boy and that she did realize it made him very upset to be on the sad face every day but that his behavior didn't seem to change from one day to the other.

All of the above, I am sure is true to some extent as we have the same behavior at home. What I can't quite ascertain is:

  • whether this is reasonably normal 6 years old behavior
  • whether perhaps their personalities are not very "compatible", or
  • whether it is something else, like may be ADHD but I have no idea really.

Any opinions? I don't really know what to think and I worry...a lot

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MaCosta · 27/02/2015 11:14

He sounds like a six year old boy to me. I've had two of them, both very bright and this sounds exactly like both of them at that age.

Putting his answers in a line rather than in a column - Heavens that's grounds for expulsion surely!

ranoutofideas · 27/02/2015 11:21

Thanks MaCosta you have put your finger on what is bothering me really. I can't tell if perhaps the teacher is overreacting a tad (it is her first year out of school and perhaps her expectations are a little "textbook") or whether it is a more serious issue.

When she gave us the examples my first reaction was "really and that that deserves such a bad "mark". But then when she told us he was disruptive and that "other teachers had also started to notice and comment on it" I started to worry for a whole load of reasons.

The joys of being parents hey!

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Pomegranatemolasses · 27/02/2015 11:41

If it were me, I would look a little further into it. if your Ds (who does sound lovely, by the way) has an underlying issue, then surely it would be helpful for him and you, to have more support and understanding.

ranoutofideas · 27/02/2015 11:47

Pomegranate that is my other concern (can you tell I am conflicted and have absolutely no idea what to do)? I absolutely want to support him but I am not really sure how? He is the same at home. For instance he is a bit behind with his reading and we sat with him for months and it was so difficult to get him to concentrate. He would read half a sentence then get distracted then chat about what is on his mind etc.... So I am sure there is an element of truth in what the teacher said but I can't quite tell the scale/severity if that makes sense.

I want to help DH if only because he is miserable about it and it affects his confidence (he gets very upset when we talk about it) but I am also worries that if there was more to it, he would have to have tests and things like that and that he would have this "tag" on him. And also because he is bright he would pick up on it and I am worried it would affect his confidence even more. Don't know what to do practically, don't know what to do.

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OinkBalloon · 27/02/2015 12:01

That sounds very similar to my youngest. He is a very 'wrigglesome' child, and often appears not to be paying attention, but actually is. (And of course sometimes is not!). He is capable of concentrating, but struggles under certain circumstances.

To my mind it's very much a behaviour management issue, rather than a problem child. Some teachers cannot seem to cope with children who are not instantly compliant.

His best teacher so far was actually the least experienced one (can't remember the terminology, but it was her first year as a fully qualified teacher), closely followed by the most experienced one (who retired the year after she taught ds).

His behaviour reports were vastly better with those teachers, and he was clearly happy at school.

The teachers who could not cope with him were the one that shouted a lot and the one that did not engage with him at all. In those years he was unhappy at school.

This year's strategies have been:

His own packet of equipment, so that he doesn't have to go fetching whiteboard, ruler, number square, pencil, scissors etc from different locations in the classroom. Very successful, as he is able to settle himself into the work more easily.

A weighted pencil with finger grips. He is still struggling with writing. The pencil is helping, but I think we need to address this again.

Having him sit tucked well in to the table. Like the pencil, I think this is an anchoring technique that improved the physical feedback from his body. Sometimes this works, particularly after break or PE, but sometimes he needs to get the fidgets out, and it is counter-productive. In infants they would do a Wake-and-Shake for the whole class, and I think ds still needs that.

We're looking at the possibility of moving him around in the classroom, so that he ends up sitting at a solitary table for the focused writing parts of lessons. This is not a punishment, but a way of supporting him by moving him into his own zone. It is not something I would have agreed to with the teachers who I felt did not manage ds well, but this year's teacher is very engaged and I trust her attitude.

ranoutofideas · 27/02/2015 12:10

Oinballoon that is very interesting. Did you devise these strategies with the teacher or did you come about them on your own. Are there any other tips you tried which may or may not have worked? The own packet of equipment is a very good idea, might try that (but not sure they are allowed them in infants)

I suspect the teacher might be a "shouty type" as DS did mention the other day that she was always shouting at him.

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OinkBalloon · 27/02/2015 14:12

The packet and the sitting position were suggested by the SENCO in Y2 when ds was 6. The weighted pencil was introduced at the beginning of Y3. I suggested the non-punitive isolation, as a result of watching him in class when I've come in to help.

As regards the fit between the teacher and the child, I think sometimes the teacher's terminology can be key. Eg, the teacher may say "Stop talking and behave nicely" or "sit quietly on the carpet". Some children need to be told explicitly what is expected of them, they don't extrapolate. So the child may really not understand what was expected of them and why the teacher is annoyed.

OinkBalloon · 27/02/2015 14:17

IMO a child who is struggling to behave when compliance is appropriate needs to be praised for any small success. Even if that means be praised for doing nothing. Doesn't need to be over the top, just a positive acknowledgement. I think that is far more effective than punishment for misbehaviour, especially when it's misbehaviour of the fidgety sort, rather than deliberate naughtiness.

ranoutofideas · 27/02/2015 14:23

OinkBalloon that is very helpful. Out of interest how did you end up seeing the SENCO? Did you approach them or did the teacher approach them. When is an "issue" becoming and issue worth of taking further action with the school.

I just found the meeting with a teacher a bit unhelpful in that she told us there was a problem and that we needed to sort it out but she didn't give us any suggestions of what might work

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OinkBalloon · 27/02/2015 16:02

YeeesHmm we've had that "there's a problem and you need to sort it out" as well. I was gobsmacked. I've never before had a teacher dump her problem on my shoulders. It's always been "this is what WE need to do". Needless to say this was with the teacher who did not engage well.

She sent us to the SENCO.

Ferguson · 27/02/2015 17:48

As a primary TA, I have known classes where the MAJORITY of children are similar to this.

What is his reading, writing, numeracy like? Also, does he play an active part in PE, games, singing, drama, art and craft activities?

That seems ridiculous she expects you to sort it out; that is partly what she is paid for!

ranoutofideas · 02/03/2015 16:53

Thank you for the really helpful replies, this is reassuring me that DS is just a typical 6 years old. With his reading he is a tiny bit behind (was far more behind last year) but he is exceeding expectations in maths and writing. PE, craft etc... is fine. He does Karate and swimming outside school and we have never had a problem there. None of his teachers ever had a "problem" like this with DS.

I was a bit surprised by the "you need to sort it out" thing as well. After all, we are not in class with him so it is quite difficult to 1. know what it is exactly that is "wrong" with him, 2. usually with children that age behavior needs to be addressed straightaway.

Anyway we have started a new reward chart for behavior at school. Don't know if it will work but we'll see

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mummyandmidwife2022 · 21/11/2024 23:56

@ranoutofideas tbis sounds just like my 6 yo and also the shouty teacher. He has been scolded for similar things that don’t seem to be worthy of trouble to me? What ever happened with your little boy and school? We are actually thinking of taking ours to a different school because everyone here seems so shouty :(

Cormoran · 22/11/2024 04:45

I hate carpet time! I live in Australia and taught French and primary ethics in primary schools. The difference in behaviour when you have kids sitting on carpet and on chairs is astonishing. I quickly changed the classroom setting, and transition from one activity to another is always a bit rocky for some children.
Boys are different. Period. I think too many are quick to put a label on a child. Engrossed in a book and taking time to put it down is normal .
Teach quiet time at home. Have a " we are gong to be quiet for 15 min" sessions, where everyone is out of phones, and into reading, drawing, sorting socks. You can teach to calm a mind, you can teach attention.

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