please help me figure out what to do about my dds behaviour. she is incredibly clingy with me at the minute. she goes to preschool every day for 2.5 hours, and another nursery 2 afternoons a week. she is incredibly strong willed and stubborn, and has never been an easy child. when she is in the house with me, she needs continual stimulation and won't play on her own.
the problems are that she has melt downs, basically not doing what she is told, and we have these stand offs. all typical 3 year old behaviour i am sure. i deal with it by letting her cry on her own for awhile, and every couple of minutes talking to her about it to see if she is ready to cooperate, i also do positive rewards, encourage her a lot, and do sticker charts.
the preschool teacher says she is quite good (she recognises that she is not an 'easy placid' child, but she says she is overall good and she can manage her when she has her moments). However the nursery school often give a bad report - she is put in time out, she is not doing what she is told, and she is saying 'no' to everything. they said that in time out she still acts naughty, whereas when other kids are in time out, they realise they have done something wrong and act like it. they said all the other kids sit (they watch tv) but she won't sit down properly.
every day she is to go to nursery school now (she has been going about 2 years) she says she doesn't want to go, and always cries going in. it wasn't always this bad, its got worse over the past 6 months. in preschool however, she is happy to go, she is clingy sometimes but overall is happy to go in.
sorry this is so long! the nusery leaders think i should talk to the hv about her behaviour. i don't know what to do. i am thinking that yes she is very hard work, but she always has had that strong personality, and yes often i feel very stressed with her behaviour, but i do feel that i parent her effectively (even if it doesn't seem to be working - toddlers aren't suddenly going to be good as gold are they? at least i am teaching her whats right and wrong) and what else is the hv going to say? i am thinking she might just really not enjoy the nursery. they do seem to expect them to watch tv for a good while (i know they do a lot of other stuff too) and this just doesn't suit my dd, as she has never been good at sitting watching tv even in the house. she needs constant stimulation, - i know she will need to learn to sit, but is 3.5 maybe just a little too early? the nursery leaders say all the other kids do though, so its hard to know what to think. basically if she doesn't really like it (and shes been saying that for ages). im thinking she might be acting out purposefully because she doesn't like it. she said mummy don't send me back there. i could pull her out of nursery, as i do have other options, which would be difficult, but not impossible.
the problem is, if i pull her out, she might then think if she doesn't want to be somewhere, or do something, she just has to throw a few tantrums and she will get what she wants. or, i could persist with the nursery and work on her behaviour and keep talking to her and the nursery leaders and work through this. no matter what i do, i know she will never be an 'easy child'. but am i making life difficult for us both by continuing to send her to the nursery? i am very confused about what to do. what would you do?! opinions please!