Identifying Bullies

[Babieseverywhere]

I am looking for ways I can help my 6.5yo DS to figure out if a child is being nice to him or not.

He has social communication difficulties but no dx and no support.

I witnessed two older boys 8 and 10 at the local park went over and start bothering DS and another young boy. Swearing and teasing them. Talking about the younger children saying they should have sex...really mean nasty language. The two older lads were smirking and laughing at each other.

I told the lads to go and play elsewhere with kids their own age and they went.

The other young lad was a bit scared and relieved the older boys had gone. He ran back to his mum.

Whereas my DS asked why I sent them away as "they are my best friends, mummy. They are playing with me." with a big happy smile

I tried to explain that the older lads were bring mean and he didn't get it. He doesn't have an proper friends but trails around the other kids, so the teachers glancing through the window think he is fine.

But next year he will be on a playground with the juniors classes including these two older lads plus mates and I am so worried for him.

How will he cope ?

Bump

I really feel for you, what a heart wrenching situation. Makes me sad that some children can be so mean.

I'm afraid I can't offer any proven suggestions as my daugter is only 1 but wondered if you could get DS involved in some local groups so he makes some new friends eg scouts, football etc. just a thought.

I hope someone comes along soon who offer some helpful advice

I bought this book Social Rules for Kids: The Top 100 Social Rules Kids Need to Succeed for my 8 yo DS the other day. A lot of it will be too old for your DS but some of it might prompt useful discussion.

Also, talk about "what is a friend" - draw a picture of a friend and write on some of the things a friend might do or say. Role play different scenarios.

I remember my DS coming home from school age 5 pleased that certain boys in his class were playing with him. The "game" was taking his hat and throwing it to each other over his head.

Thanks. I have his name down for a boy's group and I will order that book. Thanks for the suggestion. :)

Social stories OP. Google them...you can practice scenarios with DS....you be the other child...show him good interaction and bad.

Thanks...will try social stories too.

No help but my Dad is very similar. She has ASD and understanding friendship is really hard. She used to think anyone that spoke to her was her friend. She also couldn't understand how to ask to join in rather than telling them to play with her.
Now she's in year 6 she just thinks everyone hates her and is bullying her, which having spoken to the SENCO is often not the case.
Maybe ask the school if they run an ELSA programming which specifically covers all your sons social misunderstandings.

The school see no issues, there is no elsa etc. I will help DS at home.

It is his perception that people hurt him at school, when in reality they are just playing games. He just doesn't get it yet.

Have you considered changing schools? At my DDs school there would never be such a lack of regard!

Changing schools isn't an option at the moment. It is a small village school and he wouldn't cope with a new bigger school.
It took a week of tears before I could get him to wear a new coat ! He doesn't cope well with change or new things.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/behaviour_development/2318621-Books-on-boosting-self-esteem-standing-up-to-meanies-for-10-year-old
There is a link to a book on this thread which might also be helpful for you and your child.

Thank you for the link :)