Are Swimming lessons just not for everyone

[RealHousewifeOfSheffield]

DS1 is now 6. At 3.5 he started swimming lessons and enjoyed them. And he was good at them. So much so that he moved up classes fairly speedily and was ultimately in a class with kids aged 5-9 ish when he was still only 4 and still at nursery. I think this intimidated him and after weeks of tears we left it for a while.
So recently I figured it'd be a good time to pick up where we'd left off. At a different pool. Having broached the subject before, I knew he wouldn't agree if I 'asked' him, so when the call came to say he was top of the waiting list, I told him we start lessons again next week.
Well that lesson was today and from the moment he got up this morning through to arriving at the pool this evening he's seemed so sad, preoccupied and obviously worried.
There were tears 3 times during the lesson, even though he's still very capable and one of the strongest swimmers in the class.
Should I persevere? Or just accept that some people do not like social activities? I've suggested beavers, football training, karate...he flatly refused them all. I think he's just extremely shy.
Any thoughts?

Between 4 and 6 is quite a while, maybe he's forgotten some of the swimming techniques? Do you think he was nervous because he hadn't been in such a long time? Maybe try a few lessons, see if it improves once he gets to know the instructor and other kids?

I do think that some kids don't like organized social activities. I have two very different DCs. My DD is very sociable and likes to take part in just about everything. My DS is happy to do stuff on his own, go off to the school library at lunchtime (because he doesn't like sports or "messing about"). He has enjoyed things like fencing and swimming where its less "team" orientated. And he's also loved chess class which they did after school for a while.

Maybe something that he does enjoy will pop up - maybe one of these more one-on-one strategy type activities?

Does he know anyone else in his swimming class? It might help him to go swimming with at least one friend in his class.

That's what I had to do with DS1 because he had developed a fear of the water, but sending him at the same time as a friend really helped him, due to "peer pressure" of seeing his friend having a good time. There was also another boy in the class who was even more reluctant, and it helped DS1 to realise that he wasn't as bad as that boy too.

Have you asked him more about why he doesn't want to do any of these things? Perhaps, rather than being shy, he's worried he might advance too quickly and be among bigger children again where he doesn't fit in. Were any of them mean to him?

Is he going regularly to a pool just to play in the water? Does he enjoy that?
If not, I would forget lessons for a while and focus on making the pool a fun place to go.

Thanks for the replies. Yes he loves swimming, we go a couple of times a week. Which then raises another point - he doesn't 'need' the lessons as he has no concerns in the water, it's more the social aspect that I'm keen on.
He doesn't recognise any of the others, I think they go to a different school.
I think it was nerves (new pool we'd never been to before) so I'm going sign up for the next block but pull out if the upset continues

I'm a very mean mum: I would be insisting he goes, sorry.

When he gets to know other kids in the class it will be better for him. We've had similar with dd1: she started lessons at 3.5, and has been going weekly since then (she's now 7). As a result, she's a pretty good swimmer and is in a class with older children. For a while, she wasn't happy in that class at all, but it turned out that one of the children goes to her school (a couple of years above) and that helped.

I've got no time whatsoever for my dc not doing something like swimming. It's the one thing I won't negotiate on.

Can you say you'll get him a special reward when he gets his next badge or something? Also, if you can, get in touch with whoever coordinates the lessons and explain the issues. The coordinator for lessons in our area is very approachable and even dealt with me on the phone in tears myself after a complete disaster. It might suit him better to be in a 'lower' class for a bit. I've seen this happen with other children. He can feel like he can achieve, and then 'move up' after a few weeks maybe, which would be a bog boost to him.

Also, don't push the social aspect. Well, I wouldn't anyway: pressure to socialise can be tough for some children. Push the achievement aspect. My dc get politely told to button it if they are nattering in swimming lessons. DD1's teacher is wise to this and the poor thing is now swimming 16+ lengths in lessons so they are not bobbing at the end chatting!!!!

A big boost, obviously!

real that sounds like a reasonable plan.
I just wanted to be sure he hadn't become anxious about the whole pool scenario. I insisted my youngest kept going (fun and lessons) -aged about 3- which she hated for a while not liking the water on her face. It was the right thing to do because she has only just stopped going to lessons now age 13, having got a lot out of it over the years.

She had numerous 'wobbles' over the years usually related to the social aspect (moved up a group and friends not in the new group etc) but always loved the swimming.

After a certain point I always offered her the option to stop during these wobbles but she chose to continue. I think motivation for an activity can be better if they feel it is their choice to do it rather than you "offering" the activity, IYKWIM.

She only stopped because it took so much after school time having reached a 'competitive' level, and she has lots of other activities that she does.

The promise of chips after swimming lessons always helped if going to the pool when it was cold and dark didn't appeal......

I'm not sure swim class is a " social" thing. DS never knows the names of kids in his swim class unless they are the naughty one. He likes swim class because he likes sport , wants to race and likes getting better at the skills.

bog boost
Another mean mum who insisted for a bit in the early days and it really paid off.

However if he swims regularly with you and enjoys it I wouldn't worry too much about getting him involved in specifically that for the social aspect. He may well come home from school today saying "Mum please can I join beavers/judo/football/swim/ train spotting club? Jimmy (Charlie/ Freddie / whoever) does it and it sounds ACE"
Your plan sounds fine to me.

Sorry! Thought that first long post had got deleted!
Doh

Yes, bribery works too. Not so much now, but at our pool there is a little machine that spits out 6 mini eggs for 20p. Swim with no fuss? Get eggs. Sometimes seven come out which is a sharing bonus so we all win .

My kids hated swimming lessons and found them boring. They go up and down, up and down, spend ages waiting around as they do whatever tedious exercise one or two at a time, never actually get to know anyone in the class. So we stopped.

We go swimming quite a lot, both children can swim. They probably will never swim competitively, but you know what, is that really a problem? I never have had swimming lessons, learned to swim in a river not a pool, and have swum for fitness on and off for years.

IMO swimming lessons are like a form of mass hysteria, where parents feel that they are failing in some way if they don't shell out and force their unwilling kids to go. There's really no substitute for showing your children that you enjoy swimming and going with them as a family.

Niminy - your opinion obviously works very well for your family, but it wouldn't work where 1 or both parents don't like/can't go swimming. Nor would it work where a child is terrified of going underwater, IMO, as happened with DS1. He needed the peer assistance of a class (and to be taught by someone not his parents) to get over that. He's now like a fish in the water at 7, but if he hadn't gone to swimming classes he wouldn't be.

Swimming teacher here

Persist.

Although class lessons are not for everybody.

Is there a swimming teacher in the water with them? Can you afford 1-2-1 lessons? Are there smaller classes he can be placed in? Could you out him behind a class so he can recap? Are the classes fun? Most lessons are built around the FUNdimentals of learning to swim frame work, so the lessons should really focus on leaning through play a his age.

Can you speak to the swimming co-ordinator and ask them to suggest a teacher who would be more suited to your child's needs. Lots of things to consider

Swimming lessons are not a form of mass hysteria. It's a life saving skill. I've pulled enough over ambitious children out of the water to know the importance of learning this life skill. Not all parents can swim so are not lucky enough to go as a 'family' and enjoy the water. Also some children think family time swimming is time for a piss about. Which it is. It absolutely re enforces water confidence but not all parents are able to teach their child to swim.

If your child's lesson is boring - find another teacher. Not all teachers teach the same.

I'm certain it's the group situation that he fears rather than the swimming itself. The class this week was fairly chaotic - 9 kids (mixture of boisterous and calm kids), instructor poolside, 15 things happening at once! I think he'd be more than happy in a 1-1 session, but it's the group situation I want to encourage.
I'll persevere