21mth old boy scared of so many things!!

[LiamsMum]

Hi
My son will be 2 in three months and I've noticed that he is scared, or apprehensive, about a lot of things. If he sees an insect, he points to it but won't go anywhere near it, even if it's only small (one was even dead, and he was still afraid of it). We also have a lot of tiny lizards outside where we live, and a few times I've picked one up to show him - he loves looking at them but there's no way he will hold one himself. He also used to love the coin-rides they have in shopping centres (like Postman Pat or Thomas the Tank Engine, etc) but now when I try to put him on one, he cries and clings tightly to my neck. And yesterday my sister-in-law tried to put him onto a see-saw with her two daughters (they are 3 and 11 months) and he cried until she took him off it, while the girls were laughing and enjoying themselves. Does anyone think this is normal toddler behaviour? I try not to show fear in front of him so I don't think I've transferred any feelings to him, but I just wonder why he's being such a scaredy-cat. He's never been a clingy child and he's fine around most people, so I'm a bit confused about it.

Hi LiamsMum - I'm pretty sure that this is a normal stage - my son was (and to some extent at coming up to 5 still is) very apprehensive about lots of things. He is still very nervous about dogs,though he is fascinated by them,and sometimes won't walk past our cat,who is very laid back and mild mannered. He is nervous of apparatus in the gym at school and hates the big light above the dentist's chair and the rubber gloves that the dentist wears - also noisy and boistrous kids in the playground alarm him. I'm not too worried about all this as he is a well balanced and happy boy in all other respects - An occupational therapist to whom we were referred by a physiotherapist (my son has difficulties with his fine motor skills-pencil holding etc) has diagonosed him as hypersensitive - I'm not happy about this as I feel he is an individual with different sensitivities-that it isn't neccessarily a 'problem'- I won't go on about it,but I do feel that children today are all expected to conform to one way of being at the expense of individuality. Sorry to waffle on LiamsMum-

My daughter who is 2 in 2 weeks has been a panicer since she had an operation at 6 months. Hoeopathic remedies have helped her alot.

liamsmum - for what it's worth, I wouldn't be too worried. My ds is only just 3 and was terribly scared of things this last year. He loved the idea of the rides but also cried if I tried to put him on them. One embarrassing time, he BEGGED to go on a fairground baby car ride thing, and once I put him on, he smiled nervously and when it moved he cried so much they had to stop it so I could take him off (!) Swings and slides were the same - he liked the idea of them but was most uneasy. He's changed now! He's more confident and enjoys these things. Give him time and I'm sure it'll be ok, and if he's sensitive and thoughtful, is that such a bad thing? I think not! Good luck xx+

Thanks for your replies, I thought it might have been a "stage", but I wasn't sure. My sister-in-law sometimes points out to me that my son is nervous or afraid of things that her daughters aren't. But I think it has something to do with the fact that there are 4 children living at her house, while there's only me, my husband and my son living at home. So obviously her children will be more used to noise and "chaos" than my son, who lives in a relatively peaceful environment! It may also be that he is quite good-natured, but as you say Munchkinsugarpie, this isn't a bad thing!

LiamsMum - it's interesting to me that your son is an only child,my boy is too - perhaps that's a factor in this !

Dd is nearly 2 and a half and is petrified of dogs (the other day she nearly gave someone's geriatric spaniel a heart attack when she took one look at it and leapt screaming into dh's arms). We don't know where this has come from; as far as we are aware she hasn't had any sort of bad experience with dogs. She is totally unafraid of horses, despite them being much bigger, and will cheerfully maul the cat if allowed, despite him having scratched her on previous occasions. So it just seems to be one of those things that small children go through.

LiamsMum and Binker, I wonder about the "only boy-child" thing too, your postings struck quite a chord. Our son is nearly three, a veteran chatterbox and not shy with people. Currently he is petrified of all flying insects and any sock fluff from his toes or the carpet that might contaminate bath-time. He is also getting over a nasty bout of chickenpox and weeps every time he sees his spotty face in a mirror.
Reading what you have put reassured me that this probably is a stage that our boys will get through eventually.

Another mum of a child without any brothers or sisters and who is very frightened of certain things esp. noisy ones like Christmas crackers and the trains blowing off steam on the Thomas the Tank engine videos.

This isn't necesarily helpful, but at least there is a possible link...?

Dd is terrified of the 'hoober' (a very noisy Dyson). At the weekend, she told me through floods of tears to 'throw that nasty hoober in the rubbish bin'.

Marina I had a good laugh at your little ds being afraid of insects & sock fluff. It's so funny really, my son is so 'rough & tumble' sometimes and when he falls over, he just gets up again and keeps going. But then there's all these strange things that he's afraid of.. I hope this isn't too crude but the other day someone sent my husband an email with various 'fart' sounds in it (which my husband found very amusing), but when we played it for my son (thinking he would also find it funny), he ran crying from the room. I tried to coax him back to the computer to show him there was nothing to be afraid of, but he just clung tightly to my neck and refused to go anywhere near it. GO FIGURE!! Such a strange thing to be afraid of. I definitely hope it's just a phase!

Enid - there is a sweet book called Tom & Pippo and the Vacuum Cleaner which deals very simply with a toddler's fear of his mum's vacuum. Can't remember the author's name, but I could find out if you like.
It is interesting that most of the children mentioned are boys. Certainly in my group of mums it is the boys who are afraid of odd things - one boy in particular who is most definitely NOT a shy and retiring type is very afraid of certain toys (obviously not his own!) and the coin operated rides.

To ring the changes, my dd (youngest of four) is or was scared of a variety of things. The hoover, Santa, insects, grass, her baby teeth falling out(!), heights, the plughole, sand, showers, a particular book etc. I suppose in many ways it's a self-defence mechanism. If you don't understand something or it overwhelms you then maybe it isn't safe?

the Tom & Pippo books are by Helen Oxenbury, we saw some in the hairdressers the other day when dd was having a trim..they look excellent although the hoover one wasn't there! dd loves hoovers btw, & associates them with our lovely cleaner who she plays peepo etc with for the 2 hours she's in our house. dd is afraid of Baby Bert in the The Adventures of Bert (Allan Ahlberg & Raymond Briggs) - who wakes up when you turn the page...but weirdly she quite LIKES being scared and asks again & again for you to read it to her...

this talk of hoovers reminded me that my son hates the dirt devil thingy (it does make a terrible sound,esp if you accidentally suck up the cord from the blinds)- he runs upstairs and begs me to use the other hoover instead (the Dyson,which is much bigger)- perhaps the dirt devil looks more menacing. My son is also not very happy about going to the hairdresser (a friend and her little girl usually take him and feed him hula hoops to distract him). He is otherwise a chatty,friendly boy,especially with adults.