new baby, how to deal with DD1 behaviour

[RavioliOnToast]

DD2 is little over 2 weeks old, since she was born DD1s behaviour has spiralled out of control. kicking and spitting, hitting me, there was an incident earlier today with the biscuit tin and the fact she absolutely wouldn't listen, sheer defiance. She sat there while I was asking her not to do something, looking at me while she did it anyway.

How the hell do I deal with this? I'm trying not to get mad.Cause I don't want her to feel I'm ganging up on her, I'm more tolerant lately as feel like I should be easy on her after DD2s arrival. What would you do?

that sounded really bad after being re-read, not mad as in angry but maybe exasperated? as in not having a clue what to do next, IYSWIM?

I think firstly: pick your battles, and deal with the aftermath in a calm way.

I remember the first time the midwife came to see dd2, dd1 decided (the one and only time she did this) to spend the time drawing over the wall. I totally ignored that, and when the midwife went, I gave dd1 a wipe and took a wipe myself and we spent the next half an hour cleaning it off, while making sad sounds of "oh dear if we hadn't had to do this, it would have been nice to go to the park".

Hitting is something you can't ignore though, so I would just remove her/you from the situation. I always had a stairgate between the living room and the kitchen so I'd go the other side of that and look terribly busy.

And also make her feel needed: Dd1 had her jobs that I really couldn't manage without her. She had to hand me the wipes at a nappy change, and I really couldn't manage to make breakfast without her magic stir...

Feeding time for dd2 was also time where I spent time with dd1, either would read to her, or if I didn't feel like that I would ask her to do something to keep me entertained. She would sing, or dance or do something and I;d say how wonderful she was.

What age is your dd1? I had this problem when ds was born 6 months ago

My dd was 16mo when ds was born and almost everytime I fed ds she would climb up behind me and pull my hair. She hit ds a few times too.

I did everything I could , ignoring her when she did it and spending time alone with her without ds but not much worked tbh.

Sorry I'm not much help and I'm sure others will have some wise words but it was a tough couple of months but after that dd actually likes ds .

I guess it depends on your dd's she and whether she can understand what's going on at all.

Good luck and

Dd1 will be 3 next month. the reading books to her while feeding DD2 is a really good idea actually. DD1 loves reading. I know it'll get easier and I just have to ride it out for now

Another recommendation I had is to make up lots of zip lock bags with activities for the older one when you're feeding the new one. Unfortunately I've not had the time to make more than one of these bags due to ridiculous cluster feeding.

HV said hitting and biting is a normal development stage. They don't know why they go through it but it will stop...

Our new one is 4 months old now and the hitting and biting has improved. Just through time rather than anything I managed to do as nothing I tried worked! Good luck. It will get better - but it's still rubbish getting through it.

Oh and for those bags if you do want to try them there are a ton of ideas if you search on pinterest :)