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DD and socialisation - how do I do it??!

6 replies

Everhart · 24/02/2015 14:17

DD is just 2 and currently at home with me. She is registered to start pre-school in Sept when she's 2.5, just a couple of mornings a week at first but it'll be a start.

The problem I have is that I am getting paranoid that she is getting a) bored and b) lonely.

We do 2-3 activities a week, music and art-based, so she does come into contact with other toddlers but in a fairly formal setting. I have tried playgroups with her but the children come and go and she is, I think, the sort of child who will only be comfortable mingling with other children when she actually begins to recognise them. Playgroups are also all incredibly hectic and noisy and it's impossible for her to really 'play' with any particular child. I think the groups are more about the mums tbh, and so I don't see DD getting any really good little buddy-ships going at any of them. Hence we have stopped going to those and just go to our other activities.

ALL my ante-natal friends went back to work months ago (I work from home while DD sleeps) so we have no local friends for playdates on weekdays. Weekends either we want to spend time as a family as she doesn't see DH much in the week, or we see extended family, so not much chance for playdates then.

My other friends with children similar age are few and far between (most have older kids) and anyway live quite far away, we don't get together v often with the children sadly.

So how on earth do I get opportunities for DD to have a social life until she starts nursery, 6 months from now??! It's just not obvious how to do it, practically speaking.

She sees (and adores) her slightly older cousins but only about once a month.

I just worry that she is starting to get bored with me at home. I do as much as I can, we go out to the park, we paint, bake, read, library, play i the garden, potter with her toys... but the days are long and it still feels like we watch too much CBeebies which ultimately I think she is a bit bored by IYSWIM. Today we read a book about a nursery and she was fascinated and said she would like to go to one... broke my heart a bit that she is a bit lonely and needs some friends :(

A HUGE issue, even if we had more practical options, is that she is an uber sensitive child with major separation anxiety at times, she is ONLY comfortable and relaxed with other people when she really knows them and she doesn't like sharing etc... (obv she won't learn to share until she has more opportunity to, and she won't learn to interact with other kids until she has more oppotrunity to, so it's a vicious circle). So even if we DO have an opportunity for a playdate, she will almost certainly get in a state about the newness of it and spend most of the time curled up on my knee getting annoyed at the mere presence of others, until roughly 15 min before we have to leave when she will start having a wonderful time and then kick off big time when dragged away...

It sounds silly but 6 months feels like a LONG time and I just feel she is getting to the point of really needing something 'else' to stimulate her and widen her horizons.

Any advice, or just reassurance? I worry that she's somehow missing out on social skills she will find it hard to catch up on.

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Ferguson · 24/02/2015 19:55

Is there not a nursery she could go to, even if for only half a day a week or something? Or is cost a difficulty?

I knew playgroups thirty years ago, and they were much as you just described; I thought they were supposed to have improved by now, being more structured and less rowdy, but maybe not.

Does the Library not have any activities? Ours do 'Rhythm and Rhyme' for babies and toddlers; do you have any Sure Start groups near you?

Some of our primary schools have weekly sessions for pre-schoolers, where they can use the equipment and play with Reception children.

Do any of the secondary schools near you have child care or parenting classes, where students could put theory in practice on DD?

You mentioned music; our DS was playing on our Yamaha organ by 2; does she have a Keyboard?

TV: find suitable educational programmes on adult channels for her, travel, wildlife, science etc.

I'll look back tomorrow, see how you getting on.

Jaffakake · 24/02/2015 20:04

Can you not use the music/art based activities to strike up a connection with another mum in same situation? I do a sport thing with my son every week & it's one where you sign up a term at a time. There are a number of mums that have been going for a while & sometimes we meet up afterwards in a less formal setting. I've been more successful at striking up friendships there than at drop-in style playgroups.

Jaffakake · 24/02/2015 20:07

Oh & don't beat yourself up about it too much. Ds is 3.5 and has only really been identifying his 'best friends' since 3 yrs old. Before then he naturally gravitated to those kids he liked but now he identifies them as his friends even though he's been in the company of them since he was 10 months old.

spaghettisue · 24/02/2015 21:03

I have to agree with Jaffa, don't beat yourself up about it. Two year olds don't really make proper friends, they simply play alongside other kids the same age. She will be perfectly happy with you as her companion, honestly. There are plenty of other stay at home mums who do a lot less than you with their little ones and they will be quite happy.

It sounds to me like you are doing plenty. Playgroups can be rowdy, and are definitely as much for the mums as the kids.

If you could afford even half a day a week in nursery, your daughter might enjoy that.

Have you tried swimming? She may enjoy that too.

She definitely WON'T be missing out on social skills though or need to catch up - they learn those when they start nursery at 3.

And as for play dates, I can guarantee that at not even 2, the children would not really pay any attention to each other!

It sounds to me like you are doing a great job so don't worry.

museumum · 24/02/2015 21:09

Can you get any of the music and art mums to go for a coffee after?
My ds adores the time he gets with the other toddlers after our swimming class as we hang around for brunch and the kids run around a bit together. They have been the same group since they were 3mo which helps even if it's just once a week.

Everhart · 25/02/2015 13:21

Thanks hugely everyone!
Sorry for delayed replies... DD has chicken pox, it turns out this morning, so it's been a fun morning here!!!
Issue with a v short stint at a nursery eg half a day isn't so much cost as the fact that she's very separation sensitive INDEED so I think a very short time at nursery would almost be worse for her as it wouldn't give her proper settling and getting-used-to-it time IYSWIM. Plus pretty much all the others would almost certainly be there for longer sessions/days so I think that would be a bit unsettling if she was the only one leaving after a few hours and not coming back til the next week...
Mums at music and art aren't very nice :( especially at music... honestly they are just quite unfriendly, some of them literally won't even acknowledge your presence, one of them had a daughter who was chatting away to my daughter and so I assumed mum would want to exchange a few words but she literally didn't even acknowkledge me when I held a door open for her and then buried her head in her phone as she sat next to me making it v clear she didn't intend to pass the time of day...
I'm very comfortable in my own company, always have been and have worked from home for many years so I haven't sought out other playgroups etc, I do know some mums who need them as a lifeline every day but I'm much happier just pottering with DD in the park... actually I think she mosttsly is happiest just doing that too at the moment, I just wish there were one or two more opportunities in a week for her to have a bit of reasonably calm (!) time playing with another toddler or two...
Still, I guess it's only 6 months until her nursery mornings start and the summer will be easier as we get out and about even more.
I feel as if I have accidentally made it sound as if I am struggling with all the aimless pottering and toddler-based stuff... actually quite the contrary, the slight excess of CBeebies aside I love it!!!
I just want to do my best for my DD and make sure I don't inadvertently stump her social skills just because I'm not a person who needs constant company myself.
Thanks HUGELY for all replies and suggestions, it's always so nice to get such amazingly thoughtful and helpful replies!!! :)

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