Husbands shouts and is scary towards DS

[diamonds4me]

Hi ladies, I'm looking for some advice regarding how to deal with the way my DH deals with my DS behaviour.

My little boy is 19months old and is going through a phase of hitting and head butting if he doesn't get his way, this is obviously unpleasant and sometimes it can really hurt. But I see it as a very frustrating phase that just needs to be dealt with consistency and calm. I have and I am currently reading toddler behaviour books, and looking up different methods such as naught step, distraction, happy parenting and I often discuss these techniques with DH and when we could possibly try some techniques we both agree on.

However, DH has a bit of a temper, I am no saint and I'm not admitting that I am, but when DS hits like today, my DH shouts at him "DONT hit," and points at his face, and it's loud and scary, if I then say "don't be scary or aggressive, just be calm" he then says "well you know everything, how about I won't do anything and you deal with all the behaviour!"

It's becoming a bit of an issue with us that then leads to us arguing, it's really hard. Any advice?

Is he as childish as this in other areas or is it just to do with parenting?

Is he more able to discuss it when your DS isn't there eg after he's gone bed? If you discuss specific situations, what you both agree to do and why, and agree to try to stick to it. Then if he shouts too aggressively or whatever, you can remind him of what you both agreed. He might be able to take that on board more readily.

Something we are trying is when my husband is at the other end of some rough behaviour, I offer empathy to my husband! Make him a cup of tea etc. empathetic words. Seems to take the steam out of DS behaviour and hubby gets some support. It is tough and not easy to do But seems to be working. Hope I read your post right! Best wishes.

Forgot to say it works the other way too!! I get lots of tea and hubby and I feel more like team.

Your baby is 19 months old? and you are seemingly trying to justify shouting and aggressive behaviour on the part of your DH?

APPALLING! There is no excuse here. Just what do you think your DH's behaviour is teaching your son? yet more shouting, yet more aggression.

You are clearly trying to do the right thing. Somehow you need to get your DH to understand that his behaviour is utterly, completely, totally unacceptable. And you should not tolerate this at all.