18 mo ds2 driving us crazy

[LittleMilla]

He has always been pretty high needs but it just feels like he's getting worse and I don't know what to do.

Has very fitful tantrums, hits his big brother, throws things and is just generally quite unpredictable. His latest is that he's refusing to sit in his chair to eat and will only eat if sat on one of our laps. We both hate 'giving in' but the tantrum that will ensue otherwise is horrendous.

There are glimmers of a lovely charming boy and I'm just trying to understand if this is normal or he's always going to be like this? His older brother was a breeze in comparison!

One amazing thing is that he sleeps really well - 11 hours at night and 2 hours in day

First of all have you checked that he is not I'll? Earache, teething, or anything else?

Then it is the terrible Two's. It is a sort of interim period when they can't talk clearly and get their needs met and so they just respond with raw emotion.
They are not socially civerlized yet and so don't hold back like we do.

I am afraid that you just have to be patient and calm. He will be bewildered by shouting as he will be too immature to understand the concept of ' if I am nice and quiet Mummy will like me better.

Grit your teeth and take some deep breaths and think that the more kindness and patience you show towards him the more you contribute to his recollection of a happy childhood.

Best of luck, as what you are enduring is very hard and most of us feel like throttling our kids at some point or other. However if we behave like children by losing our rags and shouting, they will remember. When they reach adulthood they may challenge you and then you may feel guilty and sorry.

Are you sure he can hear properly?

Does he react to noises when he can't see the source?
Does he appear to understand simple instructions/commands?

Definitely not ill and seems it have most teeth now so not that!

I know we must stay calm and I do have many moments of feeling sorry for him. I hate labelling him out little brute - but he's also massive and so all of this behaviour is heightened even more! Poor chap.

I have wondered about his hearing because he's always quite unbalanced. Seems to get a disproportionate amount of bumps and often falls over. Took him to gp who looked in his ears but also suggested we get his eyes tested if it doesn't improve as all looked ok. His ears we're clear in fact and the falling over has got a little better, but he's often got bumps and bruises on his forehead.

littlemilla honestly it will pass.
He is frustrated by things going on in his life and because he can't explain to you what it is, he just loses his rag.
The only answer is to be patient.
Try and relax yourself and get down to his level and speak to him gently. Or try a diversion. I used to have some thing like a matchbox with something in it, say a wood lice, and then when they wouldn't do something , I said look at what I have got.!

They could be screaming their heads off, but I would turn my back and be poring over the matchbox, pretending it was something fascinating. They forgot to tantrum because they wanted to see what was in the matchbox.

Yes it took patience and imagination but what was the alternative? A screaming child having a tantrum, a tired adult screaming at them to stop screaming and then everyone in tears from a mixture of fear and frustration.

I used a lot of diversion tactics before my DCs could speak. If they were doing things that I didn't want them to, I just said, wow! Quick look at this and point out of the window. There was usually something going on that could be pointed out, even if it was something that unfortunately had just flown off. They have such short attention spans that they couldn't return to what they were doing because they couldn't remember what it was.

As to sitting on your lap eating, that will pass. He won't be sitting on your lap when he is 18, he will be asking you if he can sleep with his girlfriend in your house. ( you are going to really love that stage) You will then be wishing he was back at the sitting on your lap stage.
Relax, relax, enjoy him, tantrums and all. Everything passes.

Such wise posts from holeinmyheart.

I might print them out for when my own DS2 gets to toddler stage! I have a gnawing suspicion that when my three are grown I will wish the crazy toddler days back for anything. It's a hard but amazing stage of life. A bit like climbing a mountain!

Sorry not very helpful. Good luck OP.

I love the random woodlouse in a matchbox!

wednesbury you are so right. Your will miss them when they are gone. Mine have grown up and have busy interesting lives. I don't see so much of them now and that is fine because I will always be there for them if needed.

However, when I see babies and toddlers I do yearn for a little fat hand to be placed in mine. ( I don't live very near any of my DCs or GC)

My DCs really owe me nothing but I owe them a lot.
There is no going back and redoing their childhoods and I know that every sacrifice I made and every time I put their needs before my own, I have been paid back in shed loads.
Treat your DC's as you would like to be treated and you can't go far wrong.

oh hole, that's made me a little weepy on a rainy Thursday morning.

You're all totally right. Both my boys are so beautifully cuddly (ds2 prob most), it does make it easier to get past the tough bits! And I will SO miss those cuddles when they're all big and it's 'embarrassing'.

AW,littlemilla please don't cry. You are probably a wonderful Mum. I had total sh** parenting moments with my DCs that I cringe about. We all do.

Unfortunately with someone else's childhood that you have a heavy responsibility for, you can't go back and redo the mistakes. My DCs were at the end of my parenting and we, my DH and I, were almost totally responsible ( their nature gets a look in) for how they were going to treat the world and its contents.
I sometimes get overwhelmed with grief at my short comings as a Parent. I don't want you to suffer the same way that I have done.
I am not sure which Psychologist or Psychiatrist said ' you can be a good enough parent' but I am sure I have been good enough and so will you be. Xxx

Take him out a lot! I mean to where he can climb and let off steam etc. You've had great advice. ( ( love MN when people are positive ) Another thing you can do is look at his diet; is it all wheat and sugar? That makes dh grumpy and uncontrollable tbh!!!!!