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20 month old tantrums! Can't take much more

2 replies

MissMia84 · 19/02/2015 17:08

My DS is 20 months and Im really struggling with him at the moment. Every time I tell him no or take something from him he shouldn't have (always offering something "fun" and safe in return) he kicks off big time. He screams, an ear piercing scream like no other, starts flaring his arms about and fake cries. Sometimes he does this for no reason. In shops when Im holding his hand and say "Come on this way" and lead the way he sometimes goes all floppy and lies on the shop floor, refusing to stand. It's so infuriating and embarrassing. When I eventually pick him up he screams and hits me in the face. Im at my wits end and don't know how to deal with it. I tell hjm "No that's naughty" so other people hear me but inside Im fuming and/or crying. It usually results in us getting back to the car and me crying and going home. I feel that I can't go anywhere without risking a tantrum. People smile and say "I've had kids and been there" etc to make me feel better but it seems none of my friends kids do this! I don't know why he's so stroppy recently. It's very upsetting. The other day he decided on a zebra crossing while holding my hand (and I had reigns on him and round my wrist) that he had had enough and lay down!!!! Luckily we were in a small country village and there weren't many cars around. Still mortifying though.

Has anyone else had to deal with this behaviour? He's not speaking yet and just seems that screaming is his only communication! Sad

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Givemecaffeine21 · 19/02/2015 17:19

Mine is 20 months and does the same. I do 1 minute time outs - sit him away from me not facing me, timer on. It works brilliantly. As soon as the beeper goes it's like a switch flicks and he instantly stops screaming and goes back to being sunny, Some people say not before 2 yrs but my DS does have tons of language AND the benefit of seeing me do time outs for his big sis so he understands them. To start he'd get up and wander back to me still screaming and kicking off but I just put him back and he got the idea quickly. My DD did the terrible twos between 18 months and 2 years and improved thereafter and it seems DS is doing the same. Zero attention for the behaviour in the form of a timeout works for me; if I sat there and just tried to ignore him screaming and throwing things I think I'd lose my temper. Some people can do it but I'm not that patient, no one likes being hit and screamed at!

CityDweller · 19/02/2015 21:29

I'm reading a book at the moment called 'No Bad Kids: Toddler discipline without shame'. It's really helped me understand two things. 1. why toddlers behave the way they do and 2. What you can do to help them.

I think they tantrum and behave like this for several reasons. They're exploring boundaries. They're wanting to be more independent and have more control over things and they get overwhelmed by things very easily. He's not being naughty, as such.

Some things that might help are: letting your DS have 'control' over small things in his day (e.g. giving him a choice of things to wear rather than just dressing him, or giving him a choice of two things to eat for dinner, rather than just putting food down in front of him, getting him to help do 'big boy' things); set clear boundaries in a sensitive way (so when he tantrums or hits you, you can try calmly saying 'I'm not going to let you hit me/ tantrum in the shop, so we're going to leave now and get in the car and go home' etc.); be sensitive to things that might be overwhelming him at the moment (is he getting lots of new words, or on the verge of doing so? Any other 'milestones' or changes at home? Do you have really busy days of lots of activities and errands and does he need a bit more quiet time at home? Etc).

But, I think also just a lot of 'this too shall pass' to yourself and know that he won't be like this for ever. And a big glass of wine once he's in bed in the evening.

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