We've taken dummy away and now DD (2.5yo) can't fall asleep at night - advice??

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Wondering if I can get some advice. My DD is 2.5yo. She's a lovely little girl, very funny and very affectionate, but also extremely strong-willed and stubborn.

Backstory: she had a dummy as a baby and when she turned 1 we started limiting it to sleep times only. At around 2 she dropped her afternoon nap but couldn't comfortably get through the day without her nap and I started giving her her dummy at what would have been her nap time so that she would sit and have some proper quiet chill out time (she wouldn't have quiet time without her dummy). Anyway, over the past 6 months she has become increasingly dependent on her dummy and that combined with some tantrum behaviour I became a bit slack and started just giving her her dummy whenever she wanted it which was basically all the time. It got to the point where she would be an absolute misery, screaming, crying and going on and on about wanting her dummy from the moment she got up in the morning. DH and I decided that enough was enough and took the decision to go cold turkey on it.

It's been about 2 weeks now and it's been ok. She copes fine without it during the day now and doesn't really ask for it anymore but the nights are still really difficult. It's like she's having to start from scratch how to fall asleep without her dummy but 2 weeks in and she still screams for up to 3 hours before finally giving in. I don't know what to do...she has lots of toys but not a special comfort toy as her attachment was to her dummy. I've been trying to force a 'special' toy on her but it's not working. She's become really clingy to me (she completely rejects her dad at bedtime...she's absolutely horrible to him)...she wants me in her bed cuddling her to sleep which I'm reluctant to do (I do give her a cuddle in her bed at bedtime, but I don't want her to get used to falling asleep with me cuddling her).

For the past few nights I've been sitting in her room (not near her) until she falls asleep and then creep out, and for the past 2 nights I've been doing the same but just outside her door. But she seems to sense when I leave (she can't see me when I'm outside her room) and she starts screaming again. She gets up and out of bed and screams until I go up to her and she will do this up to about 10 times every night before she gives in. She is as stubborn as an ox!!

I'm fed up with it. I work in the evenings (at home) and I'm not getting my work done because she screams all evening and rejects my husband and after 2 weeks it's not getting any better. She's now in a vicious cycle of being really overtired and she is miserable and clingy during the day because she's not getting enough sleep.

I definitely do not want to give her her dummy back as I feel like we've come this far and I don't want to slip back into her having it all the time.

What else can I do? I want my evenings and my lovely daughter back! It's like having a newborn again! Any tips or advice would be appreciated.

Thanks for reading and sorry it's so long!

Did you give her something for giving them up? Talk about how they need to go to younger babies that need them?

If you've just taken them away you may find you have to work through this like you would with a new born. Maybe consider returning them for night time only for a month and talking it through and trying again?

We had a rule that dummies had to stay in bedrooms and could be used only for sleep. Never took them out with us or allowed them downstairs as its easy to not realise how much they use them.

When we decided it was time to stop at night we talked about how smaller babies were waiting for them and the dummy fairy would take them away and if DD was good she would get a bike as a thank you. Fairy took them one night, left money we all went and picked the bike (we knew she desperately wanted one) and then that night she was so tired from trying the bike she crashed to begin with, woke in the night and was told the bike would have to go back, didn't want that so settled again. For the next week we had the same conversation as she went to bed about how the bike would have to go back if the fairy had to bring them back and by the end of the week she was telling us how happy the younger babies are with the dummies. However she was a little older then you're DD, we did it when ours was 3.

If you are going to tough it out, then be careful how you settle her or you could be simply swapping dummies for yourself if you are sitting with her for long periods of time.

We talked to her about the dummy fairy and told her that when she was ready we could put her dummies in a box for the dummy fairy who would leave a gift and then give the dummies to a baby who needed them more than she did. She understood this and seemed excited by the idea of it, but we talked about it for months and she was never ready. Meanwhile, her dependency on it was growing, her behaviour (whinging, whining, crying for her dummy throughout the day) was getting worse so we just decided we needed to take action ourselves. She did get the present and we explained that the dummy fairy had come and taken the dummies but it wasn't exactly her decision!

If you are going to tough it out, then be careful how you settle her or you could be simply swapping dummies for yourself if you are sitting with her for long periods of time.

My concern is exactly this!

don't go back to the dummy... you have come sooooo far!! this is my experience:

when brushing her teeth i would explain to DD that we will make up a story while i cuddle her in bed and then I'll go and do the washing and then come back. I'd go back, stroke her hair (no speech) and then make another excuse (ie going to clean the bathroom but that i would then be back). I'd always leave a cd on telling a story and fairy lights in her room so that she could see/ wasn't scared). eventually shed fall asleep whilst waiting to me to go back. but I would always go back. and she knew. and she felt safe. persistency is the key. good luck!!!!

Thanks rockinrobin...I am determined not to give in!

I will try this approach tomorrow and see if it helps. I did keep saying to her this evening when she was out of bed and screaming that I would only come up to her if she was in bed and being nice and quiet, hoping that she might actually fall asleep while she was waiting but it didn't really work! She would get into bed and be quiet which was good though...but she woud wait all night if she had to. Stubborn I tell you like her mum!

The other thing that I didn't mention in my OP is that I have a 6yo DS too who is also being kept awake by all this racket in the evenings so he's going to school tired too, which I feel awful about. I just want calm bedtimes again!

When we tackled this issue we talked to DS3 about giving up his dummy for a couple of weeks beforehand and then I remember reading somewhere about using a needle to make a tiny hole in the dummy (might have had to soak the needle in boiling water first to make it hot) then over the next couple of days we made the hole slightly bigger and continued to talk to DS3 that he didnt really need it anymore as he was 3 yrs old now etc, and the dummy was getting old and not working so well now. He lost interest in the dummy as it didnt work properly, but he still had it to hold and play with for a few more days...This advice might not be best for the OP as she has already taken away the dummy, but I wanted to post this in case it helped other mums who were reading the thread. I have got so much advice from reading mumsnet and it is nice to sometimes give something back!

I hope things have improved OP??

Thanks for asking rockinrobin. Settling her tonight wasn't so great, but the past couple of nights have been a little better I think...I'm still having to spend a bit of time soothing her at bedtime but I think she's falling asleep a bit quicker and last night she only woke up screaming once (! this is an improvement believe it or not!) and stayed in bed till morning which is a real rarity. Still no dummy which is the biggest result!