3yo furious temper need help

[Figster]

Ds is driving dh and I crazy with his endless temper tantrums don't know what to do I'm seriously starting to question whether they are in the realm of "normal" 3yo tantrums.

We never had this at 2 since Christmas though he's throwing them every day pretty much and what's worst is that he's doing it at his cm too and has hit her in the face and one of her own children if he keeps it up he will be off her service and we will be screwed.

At the weekend we were on a day out at local aquarium he threw something in bin and immediately wanted it back I tried to explain for 10 minutes he couldn't have it as was now dirty he wouldn't have it I tried to take him somewhere quieter and he would scream in utter fury, I pick him up he's clawing at my face trying to hit me in head and kick me at the same time. Think we were there all of 5 minutes before after multiple warnings that he would be taken home if he didn't stop I had to follow through and take him home. Tonight he wanted to pull the plug out of bath asked him about 20 times to do it or I would when he still was farting around I pulled it out and so started furious splashing shouting hitting again. You ask him to stop he does it more tonight he was just hitting and hitting so in end dh slapped his hand I don't like resorting to that but he gets in such a state nothing will bring him out of it. Don't see how we can teach him not to hit if we do it to him.

He doesn't listen, won't observe naughty step or the like and when we've put him on time out in his room he's practically destroyed it. the cm says he has no fear of anyone will front up to those other kids wouldn't i.e group leaders, other cm's.

I know he's trying to be in control and dominant he is like that with other children who usually do follow him myself, DH and cm not so much but the littlest thing not on his terms makes him crazy and he's a big strong kid for his age.

We try rewards we'd promised him a little toy at weekend which he's wanted for ages but he had to be good until Friday well now there's no way he can have it but he will still be expecting it.

keep telling myself it's normal and have to grit my teeth but I 'm really close to taking him to HV as I'm worried something is wrong.

There's your problem......multiple warnings. One or two at most then follow through with it.

Do you set out expectations before you do things? That always helped with ds. Also reward good behaviour. Stickers or something got every good thing they do

Bad behaviour warning then follow through and hitting needs an immediate consequence.

Also at 3 I think the promise of a treat at weekend is too far away. The need something at the time or at the end of outing etc for good behaviour

At that age a reward beyond a day is too far. I agree with Choude, stickers for good, take away a toy everytime for bad and use maybe three stickersfor good behavior before you bring it back.

Personally, I'm finding three a lot more challenging than two ever was! I agree, rewards need to be closely tied to the behaviour, as do consequences. He's testing boundaries and bouncing off them will actually make him feel secure and drive you potty!

DS is a room trasher too so I do understand it's difficult to ignore. We have the bare minimum in his bedroom to reduce potential destruction. This too shall pass...

As a mum of a 3yo and a teacher I have sympathy and experience on a couple of fronts.

1- as many have said, rewards and sanctions need to be either immediate or at least within 12 hours.

2 - clear expectations with 2 warnings. 1 politely worded, 1 simply worded. (That doesn't belong to you, please give it back. Then give it back) some children get confused with long verbal instructions, so although the latter seems rude to us it is often fairer to them to make it simple.

3 - if you can physically manage it, stick to naughty step for a while. It will require either restraint to keep him there initially. (Google safe restraint for naughty step for accurate instructions)
Or a will of iron and a week of constant returning him. I imagine given his temperament that may be up to 100 times at first.

If you can manage it get DH to take a week off, take him away from cm too. This seems like an inconvenience but a week or two of severe inconvenience to cure a few months of misery. Seems like a good deal to me.

It will not be easy, but worth it. I myself am 21 weeks pregnant and have had a difficult few weeks with DD. It us SOOO draining. To be fair it all came to a head over the weekend and my DH and I took her to task and had a hideous weekend full of screaming and timeouts. But by Monday evening it was so much better and today she has been a joy.

I wish you luck and strength. And a huge bar of chocolate.

You could probably watch a few old episodes of supernanny to get some tips!!

The best ones for you are warn once then carry out the warning. and never threaten anything you can't carry out!

With the naughty step, get a timer, set it at 3 minutes. Every time he gets off put him back on and restart the timer. Keep very calm and unemotional. Keep your voice quiet. Keep going until he has sat there for 3 continuous minutes. This may take a while.

You can also do a "good behaviour chart" stick a picture on of what he will get and say he has to get 10 stickers / ticks / marbles in a jar to get it. Ostentatious praise for good behaviour tick on the chart straight away.

Lastly have a think about what "sets him off" there are a few techniques to avoid tantrums..... One biggy for us was allowing choice of clothes, putting one outfit on get a tantrum, but a "do you want to wear THIS or THIS" gave him a choice and a feeling of control. I always check twice before throwing things away even now (they are 6 and 9!!) with a "are you SURE, you can't have it back"!!

Another with ours is to avoid saying "Bathtime now" and instead saying "bath in 5 minutes" to give him a warning its coming. But all kids are different! you have to spot what works for yours!