Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

Flip

Original poster

Potty training hell!

12 replies

Tomfunsnumber1trolley · 10/02/2015 20:54

DS 3.5 still doesn't seem to be getting to grips with this! For the past 5 months he has been showing interest in going to the toilet and sitting on the potty whilst at nursery (he's there full time). Prior to Christmas nursery suggested we follow his lead, put him in pants and see how he goes. This has resulted in the past 6 weeks being an endless cycle of him wetting himself several times a day at nursery. He has sat on potty/Toilet with his trousers on and weed but I believe has managed to use it properly once. The past few days he has held a wee and poo in all day and I'm worried he's going to cause himself damage. He refuses to use the potty at home and has never actually done anything in it.

I don't really know what to do. I've tried to follow his lead but he just doesn't seem to be making progress. Developmentally he is an able little boy, very verbal and loves nursery. Everyone I know with children the same age seem to have it sorted. Then working mother guilt kicks in and I wonder whether he'd have trained by now if I'd been home with him.

He's currently still awake as he's just done a poo ( due to holding it in I'd imagine) and I feel like I've let him down.

Any help/ advice would be much appreciated.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

ReluctantCamper · 10/02/2015 21:04

The lesson I learned from potty training my DS is to just wait until he was ready. When he wasn't ready it was a fucking nightmare, when he was, it just clicked. He's not going to school for another year or so, so there's. O major hurry. I'd just put the nappies back on and try again in a couple of months. Good luck!

WowserBowser · 10/02/2015 21:10

I agree with Reluctant

We tried a few times with ds and it was awful. Tried again at about 3.7 and it just clicked. He only had about 3 accidents in total and was dry through the night straight away.

I never thought we would get there but we did.

BlackBettyBamALam · 10/02/2015 21:17

yes, agree with suggestions above. I also was at work ft and the nursery DS was at were happy to wait till he was ready and interested. Staying dry at night took much longer, though that's common with boys.

Jaffakake · 10/02/2015 21:28

After our first aborted attempt at training we spent a bit of time talking to ds about it, role playing with his teddies & reading books like 'pirate Pete's potty' and 'dinosaurs love underpants'. We left the pants in his drawers & would put them on his teddies whilst we talked about it.

It clicked when his best friend at nursery started training & ds basically tried to put pants on one morning. We went with it & he had very few wee accidents, he'd cracked it inside of 4 days. He held poo in, but with significant bribery and a star chart a week later it was fine.

When he did it he was obviously able to control it & he's mainly dry at night too (3.5 yrs) but I have a friend who's ds (same age) obviously can't control it, or it hasn't clicked yet. Don't stress, try, if it doesn't work in 3 days take a break, wait, try again. They do a lot of growing up in 6 months.

Jaffakake · 10/02/2015 21:29

Btw to be dry at night a hormone needs to kick in, it's not really something they learn, so don't worry about that for ages.

Original poster

Tomfunsnumber1trolley · 10/02/2015 22:29

Thanks for all the advice. Glad to know we're not alone. Perhaps I should just leave him for a bit.

OP posts:

squiz81 · 11/02/2015 08:28

Hi tomfunsnumber1 (I'm the one who started the other thread about nappies past the age of 3)

Not saying I'm pleased you're having a nightmare...but I am pleased to meet someone with the same issue as me!

Firstly don't be thinking it's because you're at work, I'm a SAHM and it hasn't made any difference!

My ds seems to be scared of the toilet and potty. But there also seems to be a reluctance for change / to grow up. He told me yesterday when we were discussing it that he wanted to grow backwards and be one again. He also said he will use the toilet when he's bigger...as big as me, aaaargh!

I have to admit I have taken the whole thing personally and felt like a failure. My mum always told me to put him on a potty as soon as he could sit up and I never really did, so feel like I am getting a big "I told you so" from them. Plus like you, all my friends have potty trained, I guess no one wants their child to be "behind".

Something that has make me feel better is that all the so called potty trained children do seem to have lots of accidents....I'm clinging on to the hope that once ds gets it, he will really get it and that won't happen!!

WowserBowser · 11/02/2015 09:50

It certainly did happen for us Squiz

The first try we had towels down everywhere and he cried for his nappy. He also was happy to stay in nappies at that point. He didn't want to be a big boy! No bribes would work. He's very stubborn and didn't want to do it.

Leaving it for 6 months was the best thing we could have done. But at the time it wasn't great as I felt like it was my fault he wasn't potty trained and didn't want him to be the last.

I really thought it would always be a massive struggle with him but it was a completely different experience than the times we had tried before.

We just told him we were taking his nappy off and showed him where the potty was and he got on with it. He won't be forced in to anything!

Oh, and to throw it in to the mix - I work part time!

ReluctantCamper · 11/02/2015 10:52

Yep, part time worker here, and potty training went as wowser describes. Attempt 1 ended when poo got trodden into the carpet. 3 months later, I laid the ground work with books, stickers etc, and it went like a dream, virtually no accidents at all. I think DS was about 3.5 or so. Ignore parents. They had to hand wash cloth nappies, so of course they potty trained early. We have pampers, and as we all know, they're a damn sight easier than shampooing shit out of the carpet.

Wait, talk it over with your DC, give them incentives, it will happen and it will be fine!

squiz81 · 11/02/2015 12:57

That's very reassuring wowserbowser and reluctantcamper

I think part of the problem is we hear 3 is the magic age for potty training and I forget he is 3 all year, I think I wanted him to get it the day he turned 3!

As an aside, I have had constant battles with him over nose blowing, he refuses, says he doesn't like it. Then today he came to me with a tissue, told me his nose was running then let me help him blow it in to a tissue. I was flabbergasted! But I thought this does prove they will do things when they are good and ready!

Thurlow · 11/02/2015 15:16

Another one who says just leave it. We're in the middle of training DD, she's just turned 3 but as girls are 'supposed' to train earlier she's at least 6 months later than pretty much all the other kids her age.

We tried a few times and it was hated. We tried (just this weekend) and something has clicked and she wants to do it.

I know how you feel, somehow it feels as though it is something you or your child are doing wrong if they're not trained by a certain age. But it's really not. I would put everything away for a month or so so that he has time to forget about the constant battle, then reintroduce it as something in a month or 6 weeks, and see if he is interested in it then.

I did loads and loads and loads of reading because I was sure DD wouldn't do it, and everything said that barring some actual medical problem (say with the bladder not passing on signals etc) then they will train in their own time. But working mother guilt always, always finds a way to kick in...

didi66 · 13/02/2015 15:39

I replied on a similar thread.

DS was the same as your son, he really showed no signs of even being aware of his bodily functions until he was nearly 3.5. I did the same things that you did - putting him on the toilet to see if he would go. He would pee on the floor most of the time after sitting on the loo for ages. It was hit and miss, but the bottom line was that he just was not ready, even though I desperately wanted him to be. I tried when he was 3 and 4 months, and again at 3 and 5 months and it was a disaster. The nursery said that he just wasn't ready and they were right. He suddenly mentioned needing to pee (while he had his nappy on) when he was 3 and 6 months. That same day, I took his nappy off and told him to tell me when he was about to pee again. He did, and he was dry in two days. He had just two accidents during that time and one was my fault. One thing that I learned from nursery staff was that toilet training happens very quickly once they are ready - if you are doing it for weeks, with no real progress, he is not ready.

Flip