My son's 2 year old development check

[bumbles12]

My son who is a week away from being 2 and a half had his development check today and I was left feeling deflated, annoyed and a failure as a mum!

He performed well in the majority of the activities ie jigsaw, colours etc but not so much in pointing to some images (I just don't think he wanted to "perform" for this section). His speech is good but I know its not as good as some other 2.5 year olds. However he is putting 5 word sentences together and definitley says more than 50 words. He understands what we say, he follows instructions, can name objects/animals etc and has a very good memory. He doesn't ask us questions like "where is daddy" etc and she marked him down on this.

Altogether there were 3 areas she was "concerned" with and this was due to language/hearing, not asking us questions and not pointing to some images in a book.

I felt she contradicted herself as she said he was at the right stage in his development but was concerned as in a few weeks time when he meets a different age criteria that he would be below expectations. She has therefore booked him in for a re review which I am gutted about! To me that feels he has failed his development check as she has to come back and check on him again!!

But the thing that upset me the most was when she said she was "concerned " with the lack of interaction with myself and daddy during her time at our house. She said he was quite happy playing on his own which is good that he can do that but she was concerned that he didn't need or want us!!! I feel very confused and upset by her comment. It's made me think about my parenting techniques and she's made me feel that my son is not "normal".

As well as lecturing us about his eating habits, sleep, potty training , our unsafe blinds in the lounge and about how not to think about having another baby yet until we have sorted our son's issues out overall this development check has made me feel like I'm doing a rubbish job.

I was contemplating contacting the HVs tomorrow to voice my concerns with the comments received today and to try to understand why she thinks my son playing happily by himself is so concerning!!

A developmental check isn't something you can pass or fail, it's about whether your son needs extra help or support.

It sounds like this HV doesn't have great people skills though - maybe ask for someone else to do the follow up?

HV are useless idiots,bar the odd one.Your DS sounds fine,congratulate yourself on raising a little boy that is so strongly attached to you that he can play happily alone without being clingy.You will know yourself if there was anything amiss with him.Just enjoy your son and forget the HV.

My DS didn't look at the health visitor, do any of the activities she asked and didn't move from my side. I knew he was fine though and that's all that mattered to me. He's nearly 4 now, still painfully shy sometimes but other times will happily say to the woman on the till at soft play "do you like my new spiderman jumper?". Either way is fine by me. You know your child more than any HV.

She sounds like she hasn't done a very good job of communicating with you, but as PP have said the 2 yr check is not something you pass or fail, or a judgement of your parenting.

She should have been able to reassure you and give you strategies to try out if there are things you could focus on.

Try and ignore the way she told you, and focus on the message. Isn't it helpful to have things like the dangerous blind cords pointed out? That's easily sorted out as well. As for interaction with your DS, perhaps just "observe" yourself for a typical day and see what you think. It can't hurt to focus on this area and see what you think.

I don't like this checks, if a child seems healthy and happy I think they should just be happy as all children develop differently.

My ds is 2.2 and has his check today and is nowhere near talking as well as yours (only the odd word) but I know he is fine and going at his own pace.

You're doing well

I think you need to speak with someone about how they made you feel. Developmental checks are for the child health and to support the family, not an opportunity to lecture people. The fact they commented on when would be an appropriate time to have another child is and you should complain about this.

In terms of his development, it's not a pass or fail thing, it's just a screening process. Try and see it as a good thing they are reviewing him again, just to be sure he is meeting his milestones.

Hi,
Unlucky of you to have had a HV who expresses herself badly! I'm no expert but it sounds like your lo is doing absolutely fine.
Try not to be upset - remember that if they have any doubts the sooner they're acted upon the better for the child, and if a lo needs help it's best before the age of 3.
My son is 26 months old & we're a bit worried about areas of his development so I've been reading up a lot on autism, etc. I actually put a post on here & the special needs board about him. A lack of pointing or looking at what you're pointing at, any lack of interaction at all, problems with eating and sleeping, etc can all be part of the same main problem so despite her annoying manner, she's no doubt just trying to make sure she does her job properly.
However...I wish my boy did all the things your's does! It doesn't sound like there's anything wrong at all and no, there's nothing wrong with a little one playing happily by himself!
Don't be down, you're doing a great job & your boy sounds like a real cutie. But what HV would she be if when all the boxes weren't ticked she said nothing and risked an issue not being nipped in the bud in time?
As for potty training, I left my older son til he was ready soon after turning 3 after loads of mums advising me to do so from their experiences. It was really easy & quick & I intend to do the same with my youngest. Leave it until the boy is ready for everyone's sanity!
Good luck with your next appointment, I hope it goes more smoothly & leaves you feeling proud & like a great mum! Xx

My son is quite mature for his age & has good language & social skills - not just our view, but confirmed by nursery. At his check, where he was totally not up for performing he came out as decidedly average.

He came out a bit skinny on the height/weight check & the hv said to stop feeding him so much fruit & give more carbs - SIL is an nhs dietician & she said that was crap advice!

Ignore them, you know your kid best.

This is a bit off topic, but I'm interested to hear that children are given 2 year checks in the UK. Where I am in Australia, the final check is around 8 months old and that is only done if you remember to call the clinic and make an appointment. My DS was an exception because he was born more than 8 weeks prem, which entitled him to a 12 month check, and also had birth weight below 1200g, which entitled him to a 2 year check. And neither of these looked at his interaction (or lack of) with me!