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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Do high needs babies turn into high needs toddlers

25 replies

Chickz · 08/02/2015 08:42

Just asking really. I have a 16 month old dd who has been very high needs in her little life:
Hard to put down
Lots of crying
Very sensitive to environment
Not a great sleeper

It's been so tough but the older she has got it has become easier.

Does anyone know if such babies become high needs toddlers or do they start to chill out at this age? I really feel I deserve a bit if an easier time because its been so difficult.

Any experience of high needs babies now they are toddlers is very welcome!

OP posts:

HyperThread · 08/02/2015 08:55

I'd be interested too. But I think someone with a high needs baby would probably find the toddler stage relatively easier than the baby age, in comparison to your average mother who finds the toddler stage the hardest.

KittyandTeal · 08/02/2015 08:56

In short no.

Our dd was pretty high needs. She didn't sleep through until about 2.2yo.

She is very verbal so tantrums are a minimum (only because she can understand explanations nothing to do with decent parenting!)

She has now started sleeping through in her own bed and napping solidly in the afternoon. She is reliable now which is a god send.

She is happily able to entertain herself at home for a fair few hours with minimum input from us, she'll potter around with her toys and ask to have other things out.

We've been astounded by how much easier she is now compared to being a baby. I cannot relate to people who say 'make the most of the baby months as they're much more exhausting as toddlers' I found her much more exhausting as a baby than she is now.

notmuchofaclue · 08/02/2015 13:36

We're probably on the other side of the fence I'm afraid - my DD was sensitive as a baby and is now a very sensitive toddler. She cried a lot when she was tiny, refused to go to people she didn't know and was always the grumpiest of our baby group. She's very good at talking at 2.9 but she's so sensitive to external things (things that we can rarely see or ynderstand) that most times we have no idea how she'll react when we go places. She's slowly starting to improve but 2 has been the hardest age for us, she's so emotional and it's draining being the parent of the whingey/grumpy one when we know she can also be bright and funny when she's at home.
I don't think for a second that it's guaranteed that your baby will turn into a high maintenance toddler just because mine did, I think it's all down to individual personalities.

notmuchofaclue · 08/02/2015 13:37

PS I should add that in spite of being a terrible sleeper for the first 4 or 5 months of her life, she's been really good ever since. So I guess we pay the price when she's awake

afghanda · 08/02/2015 14:58

Mine became the most laid back, easy to manage 2 year old I've ever met. He's still lovely now he's 6. He was an AWFUL high needs baby.

blueshoes · 08/02/2015 15:13

2 high needs babies that both turned into high needs toddlers. However tantrums and night wakings they did as toddlers was no where as bad as when they were babies. They were to my mind easier as toddlers even though still demanding. The good thing is that it is all downhill from now. It gets easier and easier (I have to pinch myself sometimes). They are now 11 and 8 and soooooo amazing and funny and well easy.

By the way, for the kind of high needs baby you are describing, I found 2 children easier than one because after the younger one is past 18m, they seriously start playing together and I got my life back.

fairyelephantswellies · 08/02/2015 15:19

DS 1 has gone from high needs baby, to toddler, to now 9 year old. I think it depends on the individual though, and circumstances. DT's are much more easy going, but then they've had to be better at chilling out, amusing themselves and waiting.

TwoOddSocks · 08/02/2015 19:53

Have to say my high needs baby is a high needs toddler. He's a great talker so at least he can let us know what's bothering him more but part of the problem is that he's just very sensitive to his environment and easily overwhelmed so often there's not a lot we can do to help him. That said lots of things have become easier. He's happy to be left with other family members (and even new people if he happens to like them) now. He eats well and sleeps on his own for part of the night.

katsnmouse · 08/02/2015 20:10

I wonder this too every minute My dd is 14 mo . I never realised ''high needs'' babies existed until reading a few posts on here and it clicked, the description fitted my baby; I couldn't put her to sleep in a basket/crib, she would only sleep on me. MW ruled out colic etc, no 'medical' reason for it. She constantly seemed to be rushing to the next milestone ; she wanted to 'stand' from birth, could pull her head up from early on.Now she is babbling, running,constantly demanding attention/interaction so much so she has been moved up a class in nursery. TBH it is terrifying! It is easier now in so far as she sleeps much better, is easier to leave with other people and less clingy to me. I hope she becomes a little more laid back!

Original poster

Chickz · 09/02/2015 14:41

So mixed responses! These babies like to keep us on our toes don't they. Thanks for the responses everyone.
Deep down, I think I know dds personality, and I think she is going to remain high needs for some time yet.

OP posts:

Teladi · 09/02/2015 14:44

My DD was a high needs baby and toddler but now at 3.5 she is a pretty easy going preschooler!

BotBotticelli · 09/02/2015 17:00

DS was the most high needs baby imaginable! Things started to really improve for us at around 18 months old when I think he started to understand much more of what we were saying, and therefore he could make sense of the world.

By around 21mo he was a pretty fluent speaker with an incredible vocabulary and he turned into an absolute delight!! He is a funny inquisitive bright caring hilarious little sausage and he trots along next to me as we walk up the high street, and I look at him and think my heart could burst I love you so much.

I did NOT think this when he was a baby! I hated every minute of it!

Oh and he got his last teeth through just before his second birthday which has improved things no end. Some babies seem to sail through teething but each one was a torture for us him!!

He was always in a rush to master the next developmental step and used to WHINE all day from the age of about 4mo - 17mo...now he bloody talks all day and has an opinion on everything!! I genuinely think he just wanted to talk from being 4mo (and prior to this he aid colic so was just a screamer).

He was never clingy to me, or sensitive to change/noises/new situations though. He has always been fearless - so I guess it might depend on what kind of high needs baby you have: if like my DS your baby just doesn't like being a baby (!) then toddlerdom might be wonderful. If your baby is frightened by new things and needs lots of reassurance from you then this might be a personality trait that continues with age.

Hang in there. I am sure it will get better soon!!

I am now pregnant again with number 2 - despite swearing blind up until DS was around 18mo that we were NEVER doing that again!! Now I just see the first 2 years as something to survive!!

minipie · 09/02/2015 17:47

Hahaha Botbot I was reading your post and thinking "that sounds just like DD" and then realised it was you! They must have been separated at birth, our two little monkeys.

LIke Botbot describes, my DD clearly hated being a baby (being premature and having tongue tie and wind issues didn't help) and has got happier and happier and easier and easier as she's got older. At 2.3 she is mostly delightful though I still wouldn't say she's laid back but at least she can now express herself and how.

I agree it depends on what sort of high needs: the "sensitive" type may not change quite as much when they get to toddlerdom as the "bored by being a baby" type.

That said, our nanny used to look after a very sensitive and clingy little girl and has said that she also transformed somewhere around age 2 - still a bit shy but not in a difficult way. I think having more control over their environment (mainly through being able to talk/express their views) helps both types to be happier.

Riri66 · 10/02/2015 16:05

I have been wondering this for some time now too!
My LO is nearly 5 months and from birth has been extremely high maintenance-like Kits said she just seems to want to do everything that she isn't quite able to do-stand up walk etc! She cries a lot as can be very clingy which is wearing and I find myself not really enjoying her company and comparing her to friends babies/babies at groups and she just seems so grumpy!(yes it sounds terrible and now I'm looking at it written down I feel really bad for saying it but it's true!)
Bot-your post made me tear up-I really hope that in a couple of years I am going to look at LO and feel all of the things that you do about your LO!
Sorry not giving advice as such-just letting you know you are not alone!

Riri66 · 10/02/2015 16:06

*sorry Kats not Kits!

BotBotticelli · 10/02/2015 16:52

I am sure you will feel like that RiRi...I have gone from having the 'worst' baby at every baby group/NCT meet up, to having the most delightful toddler at every toddler group

Bumpsadaisie · 10/02/2015 16:56

IME high needs babies have become sunny relatively straightforward toddlers.

My own laid back one became a very strong willed toddler who could NEVER be distracted out of anything and who was so persistent life was a constant negotiation.

My high needs eldest was much more ready to let things go as a toddler if she hadn't got her way. My younger one can still be cross that you washed his hair last night the following morning when he wakes up!

stargirl1701 · 10/02/2015 16:59

DD1 was a high needs baby but it is contented toddler. She does tantrum but it's just normal 2 year old stuff. I am loving the toddler years...the first 6 months are still so clear to me as the biggest challenge of my life.

DD2 has been the most incredibly contented baby. Weird.

ThereisnoFinWay · 10/02/2015 17:01

DS2 was a very clingy baby, had to be held at all times if he could see me, screamed in the car and screamed in the pram, however if held he was a very happy baby. He did however sleep well thankfully. Once he could move about he did improve slightly though I have to say.

He is now 20 months and is a real handful. He can be very charming when he wants to be, however he is very jealous, as soon as ds1 wants a cuddle he starts pushing him away from me. He demands a carry as soon as I am doing something like cooking or cleaning. He also throws a lot of tantrums, bites and hits (walls, tables, chairs etc as well as other people) is a bolter. Im finding this stage really hard going tbh.

ChangingItUp · 10/02/2015 17:01

I had a very high needs baby/challenging toddler who from around 2.6 onwards has been a dream child.
It's only fair imo

Mumtoason · 11/02/2015 00:09

DS had to held most of the time and was v colicky for first 6 months! It was TOUGH! I have found 12 months + much easier and calmer. He is still 'totes emosh' as we like to call it, but it is less intense emotionally for me as he grows up - although prob much more emotional for him. I also think when you have it harder in the beginning you do find it easier in the long run - for me the terrible 2s seem understandable/predictable, but the challenges of a new born were unsettling and stressful.

Glizz · 11/02/2015 19:09

My high needs little chap was most difficult from 10-16 months. Nightmare. Now at 3 and a half the sensitivity that made him such hard work makes him a delight. He is complicated and emotional and I think always will be but has empathy, a sense of humour and a character really beyond his years. There is a really mixed response above!

Leahmac2019 · 12/07/2019 09:04

Can I ask how everything turned out?

surreygirl1987 · 12/07/2019 18:22

Following! I'm interested too. @Leahmac2019 how old is yours? Mine is 9 months old and is keeping me on my toes. I don't know how I survived maternity leave! But he has got easier and easier with every month that has passed (even though he is still by far the hardest work out of any baby I have ever met)... there are now SOME days when I can say he's been delightful, so I have hope!! 🤞

Leahmac2019 · 12/07/2019 21:13

@surreygirl1987 mine is 19 months! Sounds similar to yours! She can be such a delight some says (when all the stars are aligned). We are dealing with so many temper tantrums. I know others her age are having them but I just don’t think this frequently or intensely. It quite lonely sometimes feeling like you’re the only one, I would love to have some hope that all this hard work in the beginning pays off one day!

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