Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

Flip

Original poster

Gulp . . . . . .going 'cold turkey', getting rid of dummy tonight . .encouragement needed!

25 replies

Mum2Ela · 22/04/2004 10:31

Have decided to bite the bullet and take DD's (19 months) dummy from her tonight. This is following her 'parents evening' at nursery last night (she goes to nursery one day a week) where they told me she doesn't have her dunny at all, not even to go to sleep there.

Am I mad taking it from her?

What should I expect?

Am I being cruel?

Lots of advice and encouragement needed!

Thanks, x

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

emmatmg · 22/04/2004 10:41

With both Ds1+2 I let them 'help' me throw it away so that when they asked for it I could say it's gone I the bin and the knew I wasn't fibbing! I made it slightly easier by saying it was dirty after they had dropped it so had to go in the bin.
Both times it worked a treat, DS1 only asked for it once or twice on the first night and DS2 took about 4-5 days to get used to the idea but didn't cause a huge amount of fuss.

You're not being cruel at all and especially as she doesn't have it at nursery. Good luck.

Oh forget to say both Ds's were about 2 yrs old so only a tiny bit older.

WSM · 22/04/2004 10:41

I don't think you are mad or cruel as the nursery have told you that she doesn't need it to get to sleep. I think it makes sense to do it now, given what the nursery have said.

My 20.5 month DD still has hers but I am phasing it out during the day-time (she has the occassional suck if she finds one under the sofa etc, but mostly uses it to go to sleep). We are going to wave bye-bye to her dummy when she hits 2.

I'm afraid that I have no real advice for you but wish you good luck !!! Be prepared for it to be pretty horrendously stressful for a few hours (sorry!), but I'm sure that once she gets the 1st night out of the way, you'll find further nights are much easier.

Best of luck

Kayleigh · 22/04/2004 10:46

If she crys for it you will feel like the worst mother in the world. But DON'T back down. This will go on for two or three nights at most and then she will forget about it.

Saying that I was such a chicken ds1 had his dummy at night till he was 5 And ds2 still has his at nearly 3, but am seriously thinking of getting rid of it very soon. Might do it around his birthday and tell him big boys of three don't have dummies.

Original poster

Mum2Ela · 22/04/2004 10:51

Thanks for the advice! I think it will be ok during the day. Although she asks for it a lot now and goes to the drawer to look for it, I can easily distract her with other things.

I am most worried about the night. Am ashamed to say that she cries out for it in her sleep and I will still get up a couple of times to put it back in her mouth! If I take it off her and she cries in the night, should I see if she will cry through it and get herself back to sleep?

Just a thought - how do I put her to bed in the first place wothout it? This is going to be a nightmare I can see!

OP posts:

WSM · 22/04/2004 10:58

Don't feel bad Kayleigh, my step-son had his until he was 10 (just anothetr example of his mother's faintly shitty parenting skills) !!!!!!

moosh · 22/04/2004 12:04

I have done a previous thread on ds1. He was about 3.7months when he lost his and I told him that I wasn't going to buy anymore. It took him about a week to get used to not having it at night and stopped asking for it after about 3 weeks on and off. He went through cold turkey and was a real mood swinger. Persevere if you really want to, give her plenty of encouragement and praise as each day and night passes. Plenty of soothing at night time when she wakes you will probably up and down like a yo-yo but I am sure she will do fine. Good luck!!

Kayleigh · 22/04/2004 12:08

10 !! Oh poor lad. I hope he never went on sleep overs. Would imagine that would lead to some teasing

KPB · 22/04/2004 14:41

My dd still has her dunny and she is 5 in August. Am I a terrible mother???

Heathcliffscathy · 22/04/2004 14:48

could you say that the dummy fairy was coming to take it and was leaving her with a present (something small) to sweeten the blow?

Angeliz · 22/04/2004 14:51

We have recently made a deal where dd is not allowed the dummy all day, but last thing at night when she gets on ehr p.j's.
Good luck Mum2Ela

My dd has just gone 3 and i did it this way because i thought it'd be easier than cold turkey!

KPB · 22/04/2004 14:51

dunny, isn't that the name of a toilet? I meant dummy!!!

Blu · 22/04/2004 15:50

Mum2Ela - DS has never used a dummy, so I have no practical or sensible advice whatsoever, but I am wondering why you have decided that this is the point to go cold-turkey, esp if you are dreading it? If she manages without at nursery, doesn't that mean she can do without in situations where she chooses to be seen as a bit 'older' , or it isn't part of the whole experience? (so is unllkely to be a 10-year-old dummy-fiend) Although I am not a great lover of seeing children with dummies in their mouths, I wonder why they can't just give them up in their own time...and I would be loathe to do anything that might disrupt a sleep routine in a 19 month-old!!!

I was a step-parent to a three-year-old dummy addict, and she gave up when we went on holiday and were v worried about it getting coated in sand etc. In a new environment she agreed to put it, herself, into the bedside drawer in the apartment for during the day, and we got it out at bedtime. Then it just dwindled.

Jaybee · 22/04/2004 16:29

My advise would be to do it when your dh is away, I got rid of ds' when dh was away as I knew he would give in. He was about 2.5 and wanted a goldfish and that was my bribe (his friend who had a goldfish didn't have a dummy) - I knew before he went to bed that he wasn't having it and he cried and cried for it - that first night was awful and I was glad dh wasn't there. I gave ds lots of cuddles and reassurance and kept saying that he didn't have it at nursery (he was the same). He woke crying several times in the night. The second night he took a bit longer to settle than usual, the third he was fine but woke in the night crying for it (dh was back and immediately wanted to give it to him - I threatened him with death) - a few cuddles later and he was fine again. No problems since.

littlemissbossy · 22/04/2004 16:41

No mum2ela you're not cruel ... you have to do it sometime. My ds had a dummy from 2.5 weeks and by the time he was 2, I felt it was the right time for it to go. I threw all the dummies out, except one which we "lost". I told him we just didn't have one and, as it was near christmas, that father christmas must have taken it! And it worked! moaned a bit the first night but no problems after that. Good luck

Stargazer · 22/04/2004 16:59

Good luck Mum2Ela - mine DD is 2½ and goes through most days (when we're out) without her dummy, but as soon as she's home she likes to have a good old suck. I think I'll have to go cold turkey - as I'm getting fed up of having to find the things for her.

No you're not cruel, or at least the same as me You've encouraged me now.

Chinchilla · 22/04/2004 19:51

With my ds, I took him to the dentist. I told him, for a couple of weeks beforehand, that the dentist would say that he had lovely teeth, but that he might tell ds not to have a dummy. When we got there, the dentist did mention his slightly protruding teeth. I told him what I had told ds and he said it as well, looking ds straight in the eye. Ds took it from him, and has not had a suck on a dummy since that minute! Whenever he asked for it, I said, 'Oh but the dentist said not to have it, didn't he', and ds accepted it!

We now do the same with all things, like when he moved to his 'big boy bed' and went to pre-school. We give him a couple of weeks notice, tell him in an excited way and tell him how grown up he is. He gets all proud of himself, and it seems to work.

emsiewill · 22/04/2004 22:24

Hope it went OK Mum2Ela.

FranWalsh · 22/04/2004 23:29

Got rid of my one-year old's dummy this week - had two nights of on and off grumbling during the night and waking up in the early hours when he doesn't normally and two days of not settling down to his mid-afternoon nap. But it seems to be done and dusted... I was so sure it would be hell! He loves his dummy! I am waiting for the backlash.

LouBeeLou · 23/04/2004 13:02

Got rid of dd's dummy a few yrs ago, though she did only have it when in bed. The crunch came when we went to stay with friends and forgot to pack the dummy and ended up searching round the area for over an hour to find a chemist to buy another one!

Cold turkey worked, we had paddies for about three nights, whinging for another three and then amazingly she was fine after that.

charlieplus3 · 23/04/2004 13:32

Good luck mumto Ella. we went cold turkey too with my dd at around 19months, it was a case of having too as she hurt her mouth but it was fine.

She never asked for it as was too ill really to notice and when better a few days later she'd forgotton all about them.

If she sees another child with a dummy she doesnt seem to notice.Maybe i was just luck, but good luck anyway

collision · 23/04/2004 13:37

Havent read all the messages but a friend of mine told her dd that a new baby who had just been born needed her dummy and her dd gave it up straight away. Do you know anyone with a baby who you could give it to? Would she understand at 19months? HTH

Original poster

Mum2Ela · 28/04/2004 10:54

Hi everone. I just wanted to let you all know how I got on with getting rid of DD's dummy.

It was actually a lot easier than I thought it would be. DD went to nursery last thursday where, as usual, she didn't have her dummy all day so we didn't give it to her after that. She asked for it a couple of times and I would distract her ('look at the plane / birdies in the sky etc'. The first night I must admit I timed badly as I was out with a friend and I left DH to it. I just told him to get her to sleep however he could (in pram / car / on lap) and we would 'do' her going in her own bed without the dummy the next night. I think it took half an hour of crying (really sobbing he said) before she went to sleep. I had this with her for her nap the next day too but she soon got the gist that thats how it would be now.

She is fab now. And also talking a lot more. She gets up in the morning and comes into our bed, puts her arms around my neck and talks away to me, laughing intermittantly (abviously something is v funny!).

Its sooo nice not to have her shouting 'nu nu' (dummy) all day at me!

The only thing is she will sry in the sleep now, perhaps a couple of times during the night, but the difference is that she can soothe herself back to sleep now, whereas before I would have to get up and put her dummy back in, which must be a bonus!

OP posts:

Rebi · 28/04/2004 11:53

Mum2Ela - you have given me some encouragement. I am amazed that it worked so quickly, although I am sure it was intense initally. Thanks for letting us know how you got on. I don't think I am brave enough yet though... but she is only 15 months. A couple of months time maybe... watch this space!

roisin · 28/04/2004 12:10

Great news Mum2Ela - glad it worked well for you. (And sounds like you timed it just right being out for the first evening )

Your post brought back some distant memories for me ... just over three years ago I posted on an embryonic mumsnet about getting rid of ds2's dummy, and was successful thanks to the encouragement I got here. And it's now going from strength to strength ... isn't mumsnet fab?!

bluestar · 29/04/2004 12:47

Just for other potential throwers of dummys - my friend did the deed at Christmas where her ds lined up all the dummies he had for Santa (he had collected quite a few) and was told that Santa would bring a present for each dummy. Her ds was allowed to keep one dummy and she made sure he understood that it was his reponsbility (he was just 3) and that once it was lost, that was it. He handled it really well and the dummy was lost quite quickly. Suppose you could use the same thing for birthdays if that is closer.

Flip