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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

Have I got "the naughty kid"?

17 replies

Ihavenobrain · 02/02/2015 11:17

Ds is 10. On going low level bad behaviour at school since year 2.
Has an arrogance about him. He's intelligent and kind and caring. He's protective. He's secretive and lies.
He gets in trouble at school all the time for chatting and being silly. He's the class joker.
He's in top sets at school. He loves maths.
School have put lots of things in place to help him. They praise him. They ask for help. They made him a leader as he has good skills but he still miss behaves.
Called into school last week due to being naughty.

I wonder if something is a miss.
I worry about senior school.
Why can't he be good?!!
Ask me any questions. Could do with advice.
I'm in tears and have taken the day off work Cuz to stressed. Hmm

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sugarhoops · 02/02/2015 13:28

Sending hugs, sounds tough. You know he can be intelligent / caring / kind, he just doesn't do it all of the time. Very frustrating for a parent!

I'm no expert, but my initial response to your post is that perhaps he has self-confidence / self-esteem issues? He sounds like he's trying to be witty / silly / class joker to fit in & make friends / make people laugh at him. Would this sound fair?

He might grow up and grow out of it. He might need parental / teacher intervention to help him move forward and move out of this phase. Do you suspect anything in particular? You mention he loves maths... wasn't sure if you're implying potential spectrum?

Endler32 · 02/02/2015 13:35

Does he go up to high school in September?

There are several in dd's class (including dd) who are similar to your ds, they are in year 6, eldest kids in the school and getting a bit big headed, I think that's quite normal and hopefully once they go to high school they will be knocked down a peg or 2 ( back to being the youngest ). My dd has Aspergers, she loves playing the clown, telling jokes and talking too much, luckily her teacher knows just how to handle her and when to tell her to shut up, I do worry about high school and I suspect she may get int rouble quite a lot for talking, she loves maths and literacy ( top of the class despite messing around ), she gets upset when she gets told off but within a day it's all forgotten.

Ihavenobrain · 02/02/2015 13:59

Sugar yes spot on but I don't see it changing. He's been like this for so long Hmm
Maybe he could on the spectrum. Don't know. Just don't know how to deal with it.
Feels like we are constantly having a go at him.
Worrying that he will take the wrong path and it will all get too late.
Find it really difficult to praise when five minutes earlier he's upset me so much

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Ihavenobrain · 02/02/2015 14:01

Yes he goes to senior school in September. Smile

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sugarhoops · 02/02/2015 14:10

My close friend has a son with Aspergers - uber bright, finds it difficult to make and keep friends, often mucks about in class as finds concentration difficult and also if work is too easy he doesn't even want to attempt it (so mucks around, inadvertently disrupting class instead).

During his diagnoses, my friend was told the following (apologies if this sounds crude at any point!): . Everyone is on the 'spectrum'. When being on the spectrum begins to effect every day life i.e. the balance is beginning to tip from being able to cope to not being able to cope, then you need some sort of intervention to put in place coping strategies.

Perhaps your son is beginning to tip the balance and needs some intervention? Not suggesting a formal diagnoses as such, but perhaps a chat with your school senco and putting together some sort of IEP or strategies to enable your DS to cope with whatever he is finding difficult in everyday life? Likelihood is, he's not mucking around because he's a badly behaved child, he's doing it because he's finding everyday classroom life tricky.

Sorry if this sounds all waffly - i'm no expert at all, just have watched my close friend go through the system with her DS and it has changed me from being a judgmental parent ("oh that child is just naughty") to understanding that, more often than not, kids disrupt for a reason. Identify that reason, and then you are better placed to help your kind, caring, intelligent son.

GooseyLoosey · 02/02/2015 14:41

ds is a little like this and went up to Yr 7 in September. All of his teachers initially complained that he talked too much. He is also top in most of his subjects.

The head of year had a few meetings with him to talk through the problem and ask whether ds could see that there was a problem. They then discussed with ds how it could be addressed. In his end of term report, all of his teachers commented on the dramatic improvement.

If he is kind and caring (as I think my ds is), I think this approach might work well. It is not about the school managing his behaviour but getting them to help your ds manage it. I would be proactive and ask for an early meeting with the head of year (maybe about 6 weeks in) to discuss your concerns and strategys.

I would say that at the end of term, ds had more conduct "merits" than anyone else in his class so it really did work.

Ihavenobrain · 02/02/2015 15:09

He has a good group of friends and has had them all thru school. They all get on great.
Do you think that maybe his school should be making these suggestions?
The head says that he is now making these bad choices to be disruptive and that its up to him now.
I'm scared.
I don't know how to word it to the school. I think they are just now thinking well he's going in July what can we do!
They have put a table and chair away from everyone that he can use when he chooses.
They are getting him a stress ball too.
I can't see whether he is behaving like this because he can't help it or because he's fed up and bored with school.

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Ihavenobrain · 02/02/2015 15:10

Or we are shit parents

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CultureSucksDownWords · 02/02/2015 20:19

If he can't help his behaviour then he will need input from the SEN team at school, and if you suspect Aspergers or Autism (or another issue) then a formal diagnosis would be helpful to access appropriate further support.

If he can help his behaviour, and his poor behaviour is as a result of him being fed up or bored, then you and the school will need to work on strategies for helping him cope with boredom and frustration. Boredom and frustration are not reasons for poor behaviour.

I doubt the school won't be interested in improving his behaviour as it is still a long time till the end of July. Mean you talk to your DS about why he thinks he misbehaves and what he thinks might help him focus and concentrate in class?

Ihavenobrain · 02/02/2015 21:43

My dh spoke with the head and she was fab.
She said they will have him assessed so strategies can be put in place.
We have an appointment with her.
She also said he is not a ring leader and is doing it to be liked.
She said there are lots of children in his year that are mollycoddled and parents have given her abuse in front of their child so those dc think they can act as they please and its influencing others.
Iv made an appointment with relate so try and improve our families communication.
I want my ds to feel comfortable talking to us. He's so secretive and keeps things inside.

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Ihavenobrain · 10/02/2015 11:48

Is it possible to be hyperactive only and not have adhd ?
Could it be that my ds sometimes can't help himself and other times he is ok ?

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ragged · 11/02/2015 18:06

Your DS sounds similar to mine, who deffo doesn't have any SN or huge cleverness and I don't think we're to blame either.

Now imagine if your DS didn't also have great friends & you have some idea what yrs3-5 were like for us.

Respect your son's privacy. He needs to want to share and he has a right to keep some stuff to self.

Ihavenobrain · 11/02/2015 18:33

Yeh you're right. I can't force him to be open. I just worry as I'm sure all do.
Thank you Grin

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Ihavenobrain · 11/02/2015 18:34

Ragged.
Does your ds have friends now?
Is he also in yr6?

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ragged · 11/02/2015 19:19

Also in y6, only has had friends since middle of y5. They may all be at different secondaries. I dread DS going to secondary. (Head back in sand )

ragged · 11/02/2015 19:20

Funny thing is that friends Ds finally made are the very geeky kids, the Lego nuts, the "Barney is such a nice boy" said-the-teacher lads. Completely not the hyper manic violent impulsive over-emotional kids like DS.

Ihavenobrain · 11/02/2015 20:09

I'm dreading it too. Hmm
The joys!
Best of luck with coping ok.
I'm sure we will get thru it (she says,reaching for the happy pillsWink)

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