I hope this is a phase

[Nic04]

Hi.. this is probably not major, perhaps it's just his age (nearly 4) and maybe his personality?, but ds has taken to walking up to another child with his hands on his hips, and telling them off. He doesn't do it to the same child every time, it might just be a child who is playing with a toy that HE wants, so he stands over them with hands on hips and says something like "That's mine, you're not allowed to play with that, I want it" etc etc. He did this to a child in the playground at pre-school this morning, and I was really embarrassed because the mother was also standing there. I took him aside and told him that he had to share with the other kids and to stop behaving like that. He doesn't have any brothers or sisters but I've always taken him to playgroups etc, and he has been around other children long enough to know how to interact with them.

He's big for his age and I suppose I wouldn't like him to be thought of as a bully in any way... he's normally quite 'huggy' with other kids and plays well with them most of the time, but I'm getting embarrassed about the stand-over tactics. Has anyone else gone through this, and do you think I should do anything more about it?? Is it a phase that 3 1/2 or 4 year old kids go through? I've been wondering if he's copying dh and I when we've told him off for doing certain things, perhaps he thinks he can get his own way by doing it to other kids. Then again, perhaps I'm being paranoid - but I never seem to see other children doing it. Thanks...

He doesnt sound like a bully at all more just trying out different things. He sounds lovely and all things at this stage I'm sure are phases. Just keep explaining to him as you have been. I wouldnt worry about it. Far better fot him to be confident then not.
You probably havent noticed other kids doing it because they're not yours iykwim.

Sounds normal to me. My eldest is autistic and often breaks the rules for want of another phrase. He's always being told off by 3-5 year olds. usually something like "you're not allowed to do that", "you're not allowed down there" Al very indignant.

It sounds like your son is just trying to find rules etc

It sounds like a phase to me. A couple of the children at ds1's playgroup do this. It's entirely harmless. They just like making sure that everyone follows the rules.

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Sounds like he is a bright little boy and has spotted someone else doing this type of thing (teacher, older child) and seen it work. Imitating behaviour is how we learn how to interact socially, the tricky part is learning about when it is appropriate and when it is unacceptable - must be so hard to learn the subtleties of social interaction for a child, no wonder they often get it wrong.
He will learn in time, don?t worry about it being bullying, just have another quiet word about how you ask for things politely (I am sure you have already done this) and maybe ask him where he has see other people ask like that and talk about it with him (worth checking to see that he isn?t copying a child bullying him - unlikely but worth checking) One good thing - at least he talked to them and that is a starting point - a lot of children just snatch toys off other chidlren without a second thought, unaware of any protocol at all....

Thanks for the responses. Stripymouse, it's possible that other kids have tried to boss him around in the past (in fact there was a boy at playgroup who used to push ds around quite a bit, much to my dismay), but I have this horrible feeling that he might be copying me or dh.. in all likelihood it's ME, since I'm with him most of the time. Sometimes when he's been naughty I raise my voice and tell him off for whatever he's done, but perhaps he's been hearing too much of this from me!!! I do try to praise him regularly as well, but it's pretty constant sometimes with a child of his age - you know what it's like.

I don't know, maybe I'm blaming myself, but I suppose I'm just wondering why he's using this tactic. There must be other kids around who get told off by their parents, but who are perfectly nice to other children