I am absolutely at my wits end over DD1's incandescent rages when something doesn't go her way, which seem to have been on the increase since the end of last year. Dh and I say it's like the red mist descends and then nothing can get through, but BAM, when she decides to get over herself (often after an hour of screaming and tantrumming), she flicks the switch and turns nice again, with seemingly no care at all for what's just happened.
Recent triggers have been:
- didn't want daddy to sit next to her at dinner (eventually we deduced that this was because she wanted her handbag to be on that chair)
- not wanting a specific coat for school (her usual school coat was in the wash after she had trodden on it the night before, so she had to wear the coat she is usally perfectly happy to wear at weekends)
- The wrong school dress
Today's episode came about after we didn't go to swimming after school, as she had told me no less than 8 times that she didn't want to go (tummy ache, feeling sick, not wanting to pass it to her friends being the reason fiven). I decided to calmly follow her instruction (even though I knew it was a crock of crap, and there was nothing wrong with her tummy) which resulted in an absolute meltdown, including kicking my seat while I was driving, whacking me with her teddy (luckily very soft and light), also while driving, and just acting like some kind of deranged monster.
I have made the decision to give her more of my time and attention, even though this behaviour makes me want to give less and feels like she is pushing me away. She has a 1yr old sister who thankfully isn't that demanding but I think sometimes DD1 resents the fact that I do anything but focus entirely on her, so I am trying to really increase my time with her in the hope it builds her confidence and trust.
But it is so damn hard, especially when the behaviour comes from absolutely inexplicable triggers.
She's also deliberately provicative and it sometimes just feels she chooses to do the absolute opposite of what I ask, just for the entertainment of seeing what happens next. Sometimes this is small scale stuff, but sometimes it is the beginning of an epic episode.
I haven't been great at holding in my emotions so she has seen me cry a fair bit over the last few weeks, but it just hurts me and worries me so much I can't contain it. She tells me she doesn't like me so I say, "that's a shame because I love you, even when you behave like this" and then I get told that she doesn't want me to love her.
I have let her reception teacher know and we have said we will have a 'meeting' with me, dh, teacher and dd1 after half term, just to talk about things, and teacher also said she would try to subtly ask some questions about life at home during their one to one time. She is angelic at school though, and seems to really like it, only having issues twice since starting in september (the wrong coat and wrong dress incidents).
She is bright, reading and writing well, quite precocious with her vocabulary and quite emotionally switched on; empathetic to those around her, caring about her sister, and towards her (most of the time). She's not the 'leader of the pack' by any means, and tends towards the introverted side, but is happy and confident when amongst people she knows well. She's making friends across year groups at school as far as I understand.
Help - is this a phase that's common in 5yr old girls?! Who else should we turn to for support - anger management counsellers for 5yr olds?!! Or what strategies have worked for you in a similar situation?
Blimey this is long, sorry. Well done to anyone who managed to stick with me to the end....