I'm sitting here sobbing. I've just had to take my little boy from the soft play I went to after another mother shouted at him and called him a nasty little boy. He'd run to the gate waiting whist I paid, all excited, and he was slapping at the other children's hands through the bars laughing (he thought it was a game, he had his gloves on and wasn't trying to hurt them), then when we went in he went up the top of the soft play frame. There's a separate section with plastic sheeting, and he was on the other side facing a little boy and he was slapping at the plastic, laughing again, trying to reach the other little boy because he thought it was a game. I told him to be gentle but then the little boy, who looked to be a bit younger than my son, started to cry because my son caught him in the face. I was mortified, and told him to apologise to the little boy because he'd had made him cry (he can't talk yet so his way of "apologising" is to hug). I said he had hurt him, that's why he was crying, and he needed to be gentle. I also said I was really sorry to the mother, and she said "oh don't worry". My DS then went down the slide twice, up the top again where the other little boy was and got too rough with him trying to play, making the little boy cry. I went up there just as my son was slapping the plastic again and hit the other boy, at which point across the soft play I hear "no, I;m sorry but that's just nasty!" and up comes the same mother I apologised to. She grabbed her child, who was crying and turned to my 18 month old and called him a nasty little boy. I had been telling my son to be gentle etc at this point and look he'd made the other boy cry by the plastic hitting him, so was shocked when she said this to his face. I said to her, "he's just a little boy, he doesn't understand", and she was like "he's a nasty little boy. He was trying to hit all the other children at the gate!". I started to shake (I have mild autism and can;t take confrontation and said to her "I hope it never happens to you", to which she said "well it won't because I don't raise my children to be nasty". She then took her child down. I sat up there, wondering what to do, as i heard all the other mothers in the group going silent and this women saying what a nasty little boy my son was. I thought, I can;t stay here, and went to get my son who was in the process of trying to hug another child (he's a hugger, which is unfortunate because apparently that makes him a little weirdo according to another mother I once overheard talking about him). As I sat trying to put his shoes on, I said to the woman again who was sat there studiously ignoring me "He's just a little boy, he's just trying to play…" and she said again "he's a nasty little child", at which every single other mother there nodded. Every single one of them. They were all sat there, me on the floor in the middle, nodding at me. I was trying so hard not to cry at this point. How on earth can you get an 18 month old who can't yet talk to understand he can't play with other kids roughly? He wasn't hitting them, he doesn't shove or push or slap or bite. He likes to hug and roll around. That waving out his hands at them as play is wrong because he might hit them instead? As we went to leave, I couldn't help it, I said to her, "you're a horrible woman", and I left.
I wanted to explain to her that he has only recently started to try and physical play with other kids, that he's always been a gently little guy but as he's becoming more aware he's trying to get other kids to play with him like he does with us at home and it's not good because they might not like him because he's too strong for them. He's never hurt another child, he's never hit another child, but his brand of "playing" looks like he;s trying, if that makes sense. Am I being unreasonable? Is he a nasty little boy? What do I do?
When we've been to these things before and other kids have hit him/kicked him/bit him, the parents have apologised and I haven't been angry because like me they try and discipline and explain why it's wrong, but it's hard when he's only a year and a half old. I guess I just can't take him to soft play or toddler groups. The stress of dealing with other mothers is too much.