7 year old not listening and constantly losing temper

[fretaway]

I am finding it increasingly difficult to get through a day with my 7 year old dd without an argument.
She has always been a bit slow getting ready etc and I usually have to ask her more than once but recently she has been blatantly ignoring me and carried on with whatever she has been doing. When I start giving warnings and laying down the law she will answer back and it will descend into an argument as we are both quite stubborn in having to have the last word! She will also lose her temper completely and then start screaming the house down. I often find myself shouting to get results - I know I shouldn't, so have been trying to be more calm recently and telling her firmly without raising my voice but she starts to get very agitated and cross saying it sounds like shouting (I am not) and it descends into screaming again.
I really need to do something about this as it is beginning to drive me insane. I should add that we also have a 1 year old dd, which I know has affected older dd's behaviour as I am unable to spend 1:1 time with her like we used to. dh also works long hours and weekends so I am looking after the both of them the majority of the time.
If anyone has any useful ideas as to what I can do please do let me know, feel like I'm failing at the moment

I'm also interested in whether anyone has any advice on this. My son is 9 and he is pretty much the same. He argues back all of the time, doesn't respond at all to threats of punishment (e.g. no computer time) and he often gets to the point of hitting when he doesn't get his own way.

It's exhausting behaviour to deal with and some days it doesn't feel like it's going to stop. Friends say if he was their child they would have just smacked him by now but obviously I don't want to have to resort to that!

Watching with interest. I have a 7 year old ds who sounds very similar.

Sorry about this but I am going to recommend a book.... My dd (5) is the same - we have had some terrible times - but things are starting to improve - I owe it largely to this book I read - the first one which actually struck a chord with what I have been going through - it's called 10 Days to a Less Defiant Child - you'll have to look past the writing style (as with many such books) but it really is the best thing I have come across in many years! Of course you'll need more than 10 days to implement things but they are all doable and make sense and seem to have positive effects. I got mine from Amazon. Good luck xx

Somebody once told me that we can only ever change our own behaviour. I thought wtf its the kids who are playing up, I'm the flippin adult, etc.
But with an open mind because I was so fed up with the constant battles I tried it.
I try to remember this but sometimes end up with an argumentative dd but it does work most of the time, unless I'm really tired.
If you look at how you react and refuse to argue and don't have the last word, it sorts of puts them off their track and gives you a few seconds to compose yourself and get on with what you are doing.
State what you want, anticipating the argument as you know its coming and then refuse to argue, repeat your instruction and give a consequence, not punishment, but what will happen if she goes to school without PE kit, etc.
She will argue, but you just get on with a shrug, like I told you so.
I don't mean that to sound like smug advice btw, but just something that worked for me. Not my idea though, a friend takes credit for that.

Thanks for the suggestions, I get where you are coming from, it is just as much about me changing my behaviour and the way I act in these situations. I can accept that dd will not do something the first time I ask but when it's the 5th or 6th, or a blatant 'No I don't want to in reply, the stress levels start to rise. I know that staying calm is the key to this but not easy in practice.

I have a six year old ds and a 1yo dd. I tried to keeo things as normal as possible fir him but also prepared him for the birth and he is a very proud big brother. Ive never had a problen with him ignoring me. Keeping calm is crucial but do you follow through with the punishment that you have threatened or do yiu start to second guess yourself and think maybe ifs too harsh? I know you possibly feel guilty that you donthave tye time with her anymore but she is old enough to understand why you dont and that her behaviour has consequences. Be calm and follow through otherwise its just empty threats