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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Ds alone at playtime..

15 replies

tostaky · 26/01/2015 13:10

Hi my DS is almost 5, a bright little boy, very chatty and smiley However he seems quite lonely. He never had a best friend, just other kids he plays with.
Teacher said to do playdates and i try to have one every other week (DS has two sibblings so playdates are a bit difficult to organise).
Not toosure what to do... I went out for a jog earlier and as ipast the playground he was on his own again... It breaks my heart. He is so lovely. It is not fair.
Any help, advice?

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Chavaloy · 26/01/2015 13:17

That's made me want to cry.
Speak to the school, they should be ensuring that all the children are being included at break times - no one should be left out. And for your own sanity, please stop jogging past the school at break time!

Ellie8Mae · 26/01/2015 14:23

This is sooo hard. Our son is very similar. Am working with the school on it.

Original poster

tostaky · 27/01/2015 14:03

What is your school doing about it elliemay?

I am afraid the school is between our house and the park, hard to avoid when i go for a run...

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Davsmum · 28/01/2015 15:13

I remember being on my own at playtime when I was 5 or 6 years old. Everyone else had others to play with and I felt excluded and really upset.

I can't remember what happened but it didn't last, but I think you should speak to the teacher about it so she can encourage him and others to play together. He will feel left out so I would not just hope it resolves on its own. See what the teacher can come up with.

Original poster

tostaky · 28/01/2015 22:15

Ive spoken to the teacher and she said she was going to talk about friendship and playing togeter during classe. She also said she was going to talk to a playtime superviser.
But this afternoon he said he was alone again... :-(
I do try to tel him to be nice to others, not to act too silly. But at the same time i dont want him to feel like there is something wrong with his personality. Maybe his social skills are not there yet, but he is a lovely boy.
It is very strange as he is chatty and always smiling.. Im going for a run tomorrow...

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NormHonal · 28/01/2015 22:24

Does the school have a "friendship bench" where the children without anyone to play with can sit and find someone to play with?

Older children, from the years above, could be tasked with looking after the children in Reception, and specifically those sitting on the bench, and including them in games. It's not hard - my DC1 was one of those sitting on the bench a few years back and now loves helping the "little ones" and taking them under her wing.

If this doesn't already exist in your school, please suggest it.

MrsTawdry · 30/01/2015 22:49

Have you observed him when he has playdates? Is his social interaction as you would expect? He's very young yet OP...some of them just take a bit longer...same with reading! I've seen it a few times and they often just need to build confidence.

lordStrange · 30/01/2015 22:59

Have you spoken to his teacher? They can be a marvel at instigating little friendships, manoeuvring things so singletons are sent out to play with other ones.

I have gotten the teachers very involved before especially with DC1, who was very socially awkward, he found making friends very hard. They made sure he always had someone to go to the playground with. It took time, but he has gradually developed a group of pals.

Do please speak to his teachers, I'm sure they will help.

lordStrange · 30/01/2015 23:06

Ok X-post I can see you've approached teachers. So for example with DD in reception, they will pair her with some reasonable candidate for 'helping'. They do 'talk buddy' activities so again, they pair her up thoughtfully. They may seem small things but I think it helps.

Don't over advise your Ds on how to be. I did it with my Ds and I think it crushed him a little.

Original poster

tostaky · 31/01/2015 09:49

When i ran past the playground this week, he was with others although it looked more like parallel play than anything else. Ive got two playdates lined up for the next two weeks but then it will be half term again...

At home when he has a playdate, if his older brother is her then he wont play with playdate . Then it depends on the child, with some playdates they are not interested in each other and parallel play unless i sit with them . With other children they do play ok i guess, but theres no interactions like my older DC and his friends...
DS2 does seem normal though, no autistic traits. Just slow on the making friends front.

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Ellie8Mae · 31/01/2015 17:50

Hi. The school are trying lots as this is an issue right through the day on and off. First they have started an Emotional Literacy Group as there are about six children(all for different reasons) who need support for friendships. They have serval sessions a week and do things like playing games, making cakes, feeling fans etc. this is then followed through at break time where all staff are actively playing, watching etc. sometimes my DS actually wants to play more quietly than the rough and tumble. Lunchtimes are different as they are longer and it is different MSAs . One in particular keeps an eye out and she has done that off her own back. I am going ask if they could 'Play Train' a couple of MSAs so there are some organised games too. Definitely a work in progress. I have also talked to his teacher about a couple of the older children coming and role modelling inclusive play.

It is very hard when you know it is going on. I would encourage you to follow your gut. Xx

Ellie8Mae · 31/01/2015 17:52

Meant to say that play dates are occasional and with friends of the whole family. I figure play dates with class mates will come when he has a bit more experience of playing!!!

MrsTawdry · 31/01/2015 20:56

Have you tried sitting with him and his playmate and crafting or painting with them? You could then help him by modelling appropriate play and conversation.

BarbarianMum · 31/01/2015 23:04

Do you know why he is alone? Is it because he's too shy to join in with other children, other children won't allow him to join their games, or because he doesn't want to join in other children's games but always wants them to join in his?

Also, you talk about parallel play. Does he know how to play cooperatively? It is quite unusual to ignore a child you've invited home to play with you, are these children he likes?

Original poster

tostaky · 01/02/2015 20:56

Ellie- im impressed with what your school is doing!!! I will ask more specific questiins.

Re-facilitating playdate - i do that or my oldest ds does it (he initiates a game and then he is also good at facilitating) but still my ds2 sometimes loses interest in the game or the friend or they prefer to play between brothers...

I think he is a bit silly - slightly more than average i would say - so maybe the others are rejecting him because of that? Or he also love to say the opposite of what he thinks. Which is a game for him but can be annoying for us. Not sure if he does this to other children.
I have told him as things happen that it wasnt the appropriate behaviour - ie: dont stick out your tongue so close to your friend to say hello, thats not nice. Etc... But i am not sure he registers...

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