Sorry this is going to be a long post...
I'd really appreciate your thoughts on this. I have always worried about my kids having some kind of ASD even before they were born, as there is some family history (my brother – although never diagnosed he almost certainly has Aspergers).
My elder son, who has just turned six, does display some characteristics of it but not others. I'm really not sure if he's basically “normal” and the problem is me obsessing about it or whether there really is cause for concern. My dilemma is that if he does have ASD then early diagnosis is key for helping him, but I'm worried that if he is tested unnecessarily he might think that I think there is something wrong with him, which would damage his self esteem.
These are the traits that he displays – I'd be really grateful to know whether you think these could just be normal quirks of a 6 year old:
Friendships – He plays well with other children he knows well (a handful) when it's one on one. When there's a group, he seems to get overwhelmed and often retreats off on his own. He hasn't made many new friends since starting school (he's now in year one). I have tried to encourage playdates with other children so he has a chance to get to know them one on one – he is keen to have them over and some have been ok but the last couple haven't been that successful as my son will ignore them and do his own thing if they don't want to play the same thing as him. He does play very well with his brother though, who is 2 years younger. If things get too hectic he goes off on his own and plays quietly – he definitely is someone who needs time alone sometimes. He shares well and is quite considerate of others.
Communication – I think my son is definitely behind his peers when it comes to chatting etc. One occasion that really rang alarm bells for me was when we bumped into some friends in a garden centre. My son and their son knew each a little but not well. Their son said to mine “I'm going on a picnic” and my son replied with “If you want to make a minute you need 60 seconds”. He does seem to struggle to know what to say to people. He won't reply if an adult or child says hello to him. He doesn't like speaking to family on the phone. Perhaps this is just shyness or introversion... His speech development was fairly normal although he didn't start using people's names until he was over two.
Tone of voice – he rarely speaks quietly or on a level. He often seems to struggle to get his words out and so he talks slower than most kids and always louder than necessary, over pronouncing things to get his point across. His tone is a bit higher than normal and a bit “sing-song” and he often seems to experiment with the rhythm of what he says eg asking for something as quickly as he can. (His tone of voice and volume could be affected by ear problems as he has a mild case of glue ear)
Humming – He has always hummed – just one continuous monotone hum, it used to drive me mad but it has decreased with age. He used to always have a car in his hand so the hum was often a car noise but now he just does it sometimes when he's concentrating on something. I think it's a means to block out the outside world.
Sensitivities – He over-reacts to even just warm water when he's washing his hands. He doesn't like the sun. He used to refuse to wear jumpers in case he got too hot. He is wary of showers (although this has got better lately). He did used to freak out at anything very noisy eg hand dryers, hair dryers and experiences like the hairdressers etc but he has got over this with age.
He has always been an extremely fussy eater. He's very sensitive to textures. He won't eat anything with a sauce or any fruit or vegetables except raw carrots. He won't try new foods even when bribed with something very desirable. (He has got very large tonsils so is prone to gagging – I don't know if this could be related)
But on the other hand he DOESN'T show many of the other typical traits such as problems with fine motor skills, clumsiness, need for fixed routine, fear of change, picky about things being a certain way, meltdowns over little things, very narrow fields of interest, using overly-complex language etc. His eye contact seems ok. He likes sports. He is affectionate and loving and enjoys cuddles, massages, tickles etc.
I should also say that I have mentioned my concerns to his school but making sure I explain that I may just be worrying because of my brother. They are keeping an eye on him but they haven't expressed any concerns since. My husband isn't too worried but has said he is happy for him to be tested to put my mind at rest. My sister, who is older than my brother and therefore remembers how he was at this age, says they're completely different. I haven't spoken to anyone else about it.
Please give me your honest thoughts as to whether I should be taking action as I desperately want to do the best for him, he is a lovely boy but these niggles are not going away. Thanks