16mth old DS with terrible temper and no patience...Help

[Nutcracker]

Right my 16mth old Ds is adorable BUT he has the most awful temper. If he can't get his own way he will throw himself on the floor (hard ones too) and bash his head deliberatly. He will also head butt the walls or furniture.
He also has no patience, for example if he is watching the telletubbies and they dissapear for a second or two, thn he screams at the top of his voice.
He will also hit me or his sisters, and finds it hilareous.
Whilst out shopping today he screamed his head off on the bus because he i wouldn't turn his pushcchair round, screamed and kicked me because i took the bus ticket off him (he was eating it), and scratched Dd.
I know he has got some of this from Dd2 (4) as she can be very out of control sometimes too and he finds it funny, but what can i do about it.
I may be going back to college in September and he will have to go to nursery. If he behaves like that there he will get expelled
Seriously though, he can be so lovely, how can i help him control his temper ??

I don't know that you can. I can only recommend my old faithfuls, ignoring bad behaviour and praising good, and distraction when you suspect there might be a flashpoint which might lead to loss of temper - eg when taking away beloved bus ticket would probably havedone the whole bye bye bus ticket thing and 'swapped' it for something else in my purse -eg receipt or scrap of paper and made a big fuss about how it was more exciting or maybe made a paper hat out of it for my finger or pointed out of the window and pretended to see a lion walking by and sneaking the bus ticket out of his hand at the same time. Just ignore screaming at the telly. I think it is frustrating being 16months - not really conversing, and the world is full of wonderful prospects that you aren't capable of understanding or exploring yet. I'd say let him have his own way unless it is dangerous or really inconvenient, and if you can't let him do it his way, provide a big enough distraction to take his mind off what he wanted. Thankfully most toddlers do seem to have short memories. Re the hitting, a recent thread recommended saying "absolutely not' in a stern but quiet voice, and then putting him down and not giving any eye contact for a while - extreme non-reaction. I have to admit to only having one child and he is pretty placid and while the above do work on most kids IME, your job is clearly harder than mine.

Thanks Aloha. I will try the stern voice approach with the no eye contact.
At the mo i usually say 'NO Harry' which gets astounding results (not). He usually just ignores me and carries on.

The only thin that worries me is the head bashing/banging. He does it quite hard, and on anything, soft or hard. Shall i just ignore that too ??

I really don't think he will do himself any damage . However, it might be more pleasant for both of you if headbanging situations could be avoided

Otherwise, yes, I'd probably ignore though I imagine it's difficult.

when at home can you put him in a playpen or cot and leave him for 30 seconds... My friend did this on advice from psychologist as she had very aggressive and desrtuctive and part self harming toddler at 14 mths.
It really helped

Well Kiwi i don't have a playpen as i haven't the room and if i put him in his cot he would bang his head on the bars. He has even knocked a couple of the bars out once.
I will have to try and ignore it but remove him if i think he will hurt himself.

Nutcracker, I think some toddlers cope with frustrations better than others, and aloha's right, this is a very difficult age. My dd is 18 months and hasn't (yet) had a tantrum or done anything 'self-harming' but I can tell her frustration levels are rising by the week. When she wants something she wants it NOW. It can be very trying. But their consciousness is so different to ours, it helps me to remember that when I'm at the end of my tether. She literally can't understand 'in a minute' or 'wait' she's immediately tied into the moment whether that contains pleasure, pain or just plain desire for something. I try to distract her when she's really gunning for something I don't want her to have, or do a 'bye bye' game. I actually find now that talking to her with direct eye contact is quite helpful as she's so keen to pick up language and understand and communicate back. And if when I'm speaking to her she throws in the odd word or two I reply to her as though I completely understand what she's saying, in my most 'encouraging' voice. That way I'm hoping she'll get the picture that communicating (rather than yelling or whining) is worth it, i.e. she gets better mommy attention which is, after all, what all toddlers are after!

Nutcracker, my ds (who is now 2 and a half) was a nightmare from around 15 months onwards. Terrible tantrums, awful headbanging to the extent that I was actually beginning to wonder whether he had some sort of mental problem. He still has an awful temper now but the headbanging has stopped (thank goodness). If he had a bad tantrum or started headbanging I would either remove him from the room and put him in another away from me and his older sister or I would go out of the room and take his sis with me so that he got NO attention at all. If he tried to follow I would close the door. I know it sounds harsh but we only did it for 10 seconds (counting to 10 so that he knew we were coming back). When we started doing it he would deliberately hit his head harder (head covered in bruises) but after a few weeks he had almost completely stopped. It definitely got worse before it got better. I know it is terrible but you have to distance him from you when he does it so that he knows it is not getting attention.

Hope this helps....