table manners

[rhetorician]

DD is 6 (today!); there have been some minor issues with her, especially around concentration, frustration, social skills and some sensory stuff - but all of these things are improving (we are waiting for a referral). But she still has fairly awful table manners - usually doesn't use cutlery, which I can live with, but makes a terrible mess, and (this is the thing I want to improve) continually wipes her dirty/greasy etc fingers on her clothes, or wipes her mouth with her sleeve. No matter how many times I tell her to use a napkin etc, it's almost a reflex at this point. Ideas? Giving her her own serviette at home worked, but once she is anywhere (e.g. a restaurant) where she is excited and over stimulated, she just goes back to her default...any suggestions welcome. It's not that bad in the scheme of things, but at 6, people start to notice and think it's a bit odd.

My friend had this with her son who is 4...he has a diagnoses of Autism though and does have sensory issues. She was very strict about forks and knives and insisted constantly, pleasantly but firmly "use your fork." and he did eventually learn.

Do you think you could do similar with DD? How does she manage at school? That was my friend's concern...that her son would be shunned or something due to messy eating.

well they have packed lunches/sandwiches at school, so it doesn't really arise there. I do continually say to her, "DD, use your spoon etc", and sometimes she does, but she will still wipe her hands on her clothes!

I have a ds like this. He's 9. There's no magic answer.

To stop every mealtime becoming a nag-fest, i pick one thing, and chip away at that.

This is exactly how my DS eats. He is almost 8, with diagnoses of sensory processing disorder and ASD. As you probably know, sensory issues can affect co-ordination and motor skills (hence trouble using cutlery, clumsiness, messiness etc) and can also cause tactile defensiveness (hence not liking the feeling of wet/dirty hands and the constant wiping between mouthfuls).

I haven't really addressed these issues with DS, mainly because he has a very limited diet and lots of anxiety around food (also due to sensory issues) and I would rather he felt relaxed and enjoyed his food, and worry about his table manners another time. So don't really have any suggestions for sorting it out!

hmm, there's a pattern emerging here! I guess we will have to see what the assessment team make of her. It's fine at home for the most part, in that we are just used to it and don't make that big a deal about it, and she has got better. And she can do it when she puts her mind to it, but agree that I don't want mealtimes just to turn into nag-fests

My asd boy (8) eats like this, I am waiting until he is older and then I will attempt to instil some table manners. At the moment I have more important issues to deal with,, such as Mine craft obsessions and slow academic progress