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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Help-him or me !

11 replies

spinningJ · 20/04/2004 17:25

Please help need advice for ds2 age3. His behaviour is so bad I just can't cope any more.Feel like walking out and leaving him with husband.I gave up work 5 years ago to be a fulltime mum to my kids but just wish I hadn't its all gone so wrong.Help!

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Soapbox · 20/04/2004 17:33

Sorry you are having such a bad time of it

What exactly does he do that is so bad?

hercules · 20/04/2004 17:34

Please give us more details so good advice froms mumsnetters can be given.

bundle · 20/04/2004 17:46

can you get a short break, maybe this weekend?

Evita · 20/04/2004 20:11

I agree with hercules, give some more details and I'm sure people will be able to help.

twiglett · 20/04/2004 20:58

message withdrawn

Original poster

spinningJ · 20/04/2004 21:33

Well,I guess the worst part of his behaviour is the tantrums.He has rages about the tiniest little thing which is a big deal to him but in reality I can't run around searching the house for a particular glove or sock when the others are waiting outside and we are late for school. The tantrums can last for ages and he will refuse to move or will run off.Not great when I have to leave his brothers(5 and 1) and run after him.We can go through 10 or so tantrums a day which leaves him exhausted.He is very aggresive to me and his brothers especially the baby whom he pushes , smacks and scratches. He has also started spitting and hurting other children and generally trashing the house if things don't go his way.I know this all sounds so negative but I am finding it hard to be a good mummy to him right now.

OP posts:

KPB · 20/04/2004 21:57

Have you thought of talking to the HV? They may have some advice for you. there is often a reason for this kind of behaviour! HTH Good luck

meanmum · 20/04/2004 22:27

My ds isn't into to tantrums as such so this advice may not help but what I do to make life easier and get on with the day is tell him everything we're going to do and why. I found when I would spring something on him it would take twice as long to get out the door or do whatever it was that needed to be done.

Each night at bedtime I tell him what we're going to do the next day and cover everything from what will happen when we get up in the morning to bedtime. This even covers breakfast, lunch and sleep times.

In the morning I then tell him again what we're doing and why and as the day progresses keep reminding him of what is to come. This has certainly helped with day time sleeps as he now goes down in the blink of an eye knowing there are so many things that need to happen after he has his sleep. I have to keep remembering to tell him what we are doing and why but so far his stubborness (or tantrums as they might be viewed) have pretty much stopped.

Try this and see if it helps. Maybe the age difference (approx 1 year) might not make it feasible. I'm sure you do things just with him but maybe highlight the things that you will be doing just with him so he feels he has some quality time with you. I'm no psychologist but is he acting out because he is attention seeking?

hatter · 21/04/2004 10:52

Hi there,

I've had periods with dd (now nearly 4) when I find it realy tough so I do sympathise. DD often panics and has utter hysteria at things that seem utterly trivial. Not sure I've got any more advice - Meanmum's advice is definitely good. Also warnings/reminders throughout the day - ten minutes til we go out/ one more jigsaw then we're getting ready etc. The only other thing I find useful is to remind myself - constantly - "she is only 3". Things that we think are utterly trivial - like having the right socks/not being interrupted whilst engrossed in some seemingly silly activity - are often really important to a three year old. It's all part of their learning process. Not very concrete - just a variation on the "It's just a phase" mantra but it does help me sometimes

LadyMuck · 21/04/2004 17:05

I certainly sympathise. It is so hard with this age group to work out where "normal" 3 year old behaviour ends, and unacceptable starts.

I guess I do rely on preparation the night before for as much as possible to reduce tantrums. 3 is still a funny stage of dependance/independance. I've also found the book "1,2,3 magic" really helpful to give me some tips in handling the tantrum type issues. It is effectively a way of warning before an ultimaate sanction, but if you apply it consistently it does seem to work. But again you need to choose sanctions carefully - time out int eh bedroom works for us, but not just before the school run! Loss of a video/fav toy seems effective...

If you have 3 within 5 years then some me-time is essential! The number of demands to be met is unreal, and you have to get some time when it is just you.

Chinchilla · 22/04/2004 19:45

It sounds like he is resenting child no. 3. Perhaps you could have some time with just him for an hour or so at the weekend? I have a friend with three children, although the last two are twins. The boy twin is REALLY mean to the girl twin sometimes, and his mum thinks that it is because she needs so much more attention from her, being a bit slower at walking.

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