Nursery want us to go in for a meeting to talk about son's behaviour

[maggiethemagpie]

I'm really worried about my son, he's nearly 4 and at preschool. They have asked me and my partner to go in today to talk about him as I think they are going to say he has behavioural problems. He doesn't play with the other children and has been having lots of outbursts. his teacher mentioned getting support from 'outside agencies' so that makes me think it is serious.

It's particularly worrying for me as I had behavioural problems as a child (although in the 80s no one did much about it) and I was lonely at school and seen as the weird kid, and it ruined my childhood but I'm over it now although I can't watch my son go through the same.

Hopefully the agencies will help support him so he has an easier time of things at school and nursery

Well we went to see them today and they want to refer him to a psychologist as they say he is not playing with the other children. I am upset as I don't want him to grow up without any friends. They say he is not interacting at school and in a little bubble, but he's not like that at home he's quite friendly and sociable with the adults around him, even people he doesn't know very well, just not children. So I really don't think he's an aspie.

I guess we just need to wait now for the psych referral to come through and see what they say.

Yes. Don't be scared of the referral, it just means they can be aware of any issues he has, if he has any, so that he can be helped

I agree that you shouldnt be scared of the referral. If your Ds does need some help or even a diagnosis of some kind, try to see it as a positive. If you know what it is like to not fit in at school and you dont want your Ds to experience what you did then you may need to do some things in a different way!

Its not worse or less! Just different

Thank you for your posts. I think the school thinks he has Asperger's syndrome, I can tell from the kinds of things they were saying, like he is in a bubble, no eye contact, has a meltdown if he cannot have something a particular colour, does not join in group play, talks about things but not really a 2 way conversation.

He has said to me before that he doesn't like nursery because he doesn't like playing with the other children and only wants to go if the other children aren't there.

I'm beginning to open up to the possibility that he may have it. I'll keep an open mind until he has been assessed but I have read some of the posts on the SN boards and recognise some of the traits.

I guess the school see lots of kids every year so know what kinds of things are normal and what kinds of things are indicators for concern, whereas as he is my oldest I don't really have any yardstick of normal.

Well obviously they have seen something that concerns them.

I have had an inkling for a while now that he is a little different but as you say it is good really that he is being seen, it may help both us and the school to manage him better.

Aspie diagnosis was the best thing to happen to my DS1. He was "different" at nursery but it took until year 3 for us to accept it. Now he has a small group of lovely friends (and not so lovely ones tbh but he likes'em) and although he sometimes struggles so do all children and we are more informed and tolerant of his needs. Awful period of "grieving" around the diagnosis time but also a feeling of it being the first day of a new phase.

At least it is being dealt with early on so they can get in specialist help if needed. It is natural to want your child to just like others, but the more help the children get early on the better for their future development. I was in charge of special needs in a main stream primary for many years, and have had many meetings with parents. The sooner you can adjust to what the school is telling you the quicker they can move in getting the help your child might need in order to make his school experience an enjoyable learning one. Hope this helps I know its a difficult thing to accept??

I don't have any decent advice, but wanted to send you a hug and say that we are in the same position. I came on here thinking about posting something similar to the OP, and it is nice to be not along in this.

My DS sounds very much like OPs son,. He seems very happy at pre-school, I've seen him playing happily with the other children when I collect him, and he talks about a few of his friends at home. He sits and joins in with music, stories and games etc, and is not disruptive. But nursery seems worried that he does not take the lead in playing, but needs to be offered something to do. They worry that he does what he is asked to do without really understanding why, so he joins in with games in order to be obedient rather than because he thinks he will have fun. He sometimes will block out what is going on around him and get totally engrossed in activities. One example was a jigsaw puzzle - DS apparently sat finishing the puzzle long after all the other children had wandered off, and seemed oblivious to the new activities that were going on around him. He plays alongside others, rather than with them.

The nursery wants us to meet to talk about support. I'm pretty confident that they want to talk to us about interaction / isolation and ?ASD rather than any kind of physical problem. If they are right, maybe we do need some advice, and if they are wrong, at least we know that. I just hate the idea of someone trying to turn my lovely, happy, little boy into something that he is not.

maggie what are you doing next? watching and waiting, or are you going to go ahead and see someone?