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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

"mine" ... "yours" ... Do your children share nicely?

10 replies

roisin · 20/04/2004 11:44

I was reading the thread on sibling rivalry, and suddenly realised that my boys (5 and 7) share toys very nicely. In fact they don't seem to have any concept of 'mine' or 'yours' with regard to any of their possessions.

Just wondering if anyone else finds this? Is it something amazing we've done as a parents ?! Obviously I want it to continue, and wonder why they are like this.

They are fairly close in age (22 months), they have a shared bedroom (with no toys in), and a shared playroom. Generally we buy them different things at Christmas and birthdays, rather than making sure they are 'equal'.

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dinosaur · 20/04/2004 11:52

I think mine do quite well considering DS1 is on the autistic spectrum. Like yours, they are fairly close in age (23 months). They are four and two.

I would expect two siblings of 5 and 7 to be pretty good at sharing by that age, but no doubt mine will be horrible by then!

tigermoth · 20/04/2004 13:20

my two are ok-ish about sharing. But I have it easy -there is a 5 and a bit age gap. Oldest son has been good about letting youngest son take charge of his old lego and knex sets, as long as youngest stays well away from his prized xbox.

They definitely know the concept of 'mine' and 'yours' though. Mostly the division doesn't lead to big fights - small ones sometimes, but they recognise there is a split in ownership - clothes, food, toys etc. At their age I would find it unusual if they did not know who had what - it's part of their self awaremness.

Roisin, your two sound like they get on really well together. Perhaps I am misunderstanding you, but do they have concept of 'mine' and 'yours' towards other things?

Original poster

roisin · 20/04/2004 20:16

Yes they do get on well - or at least they do at the moment - it may just be a phase they're going through! They certainly have 'mine' and 'yours' when they are given sweets or chocolates Clothes too are 'owned', but only because they are very different in size, and ds2 does get it all eventually as hand-me-downs.

It just intrigues me! Of course they argue at times, but they would NEVER refer to any of the toys in the playroom as "that's mine" ... and I want to play with it now, so you can't."

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charlieplus3 · 20/04/2004 20:24

My nearly 2 dd year old takes all the toys off the 7 month ds and very nicely tells him to share. Poor boy!!

hatter · 21/04/2004 10:38

Although most of our toys do have an original "owner" - ie they were almost all given as birthday/Christmas presents the girls generally don't seem to see them that way. The only exception is teddy bears/cuddly toys/dolls. While I'm very happy with most things being "pooled" I was horrified when dh suggested "pooling" teddy bears. I mean - how can you develop a relationship with Big Seal/Pink Teddy/Totter the Otter if he/she is jointly owned? The only thing we don't seem to have got quite right is the rules to apply at bedtime - we had a prolonged period of tension when Pink Teddy was both girls' favourite - take it in turns or give priority to the "owner"? Like most of these things it resolved itself when Pink Teddy fell out of favour.

Original poster

roisin · 21/04/2004 12:16

Yes, now I think about it hatter ds2 does have a white gorilla which is "his" .. though actually it was a Christmas present to me! How old are your girls btw?

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dinosaur · 21/04/2004 12:24

I think I misunderstood your question yesterday Roisin - I thought you were asking about whether siblings shared well, and I missed the point about yours not having any concept of ownership! Sorry about that!

zipper · 21/04/2004 12:28

Mine all share really well. If they find a game or activity they can all take part in (bearing in mind the ages)then they will all play for hours, if they have sweets or cakes given to them at school they will save them to share at home, if one of the older ones fancy a drink then they will ask the others if they would like one too, and my eldest (10) will invite everyone into his room on a regular basis to watch a film on his telly. They also share with other children and adults, but are sometimes a bit miffed if it is not reciprocated!! I think that they just like to make each other happy, that or they don't have a choice because there are so many of them!!!! I think that I am really lucky, but I know that it might not last!! Imagine, all those teenagers at the same time, maybe life will change then.......

Original poster

roisin · 21/04/2004 20:16

Well I didn't express myself very well, did I, dinosaur! I read the original post through myself just now and could hardly make any sense out of it

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florenceuk · 22/04/2004 11:27

Roisin, my sister and I were about 18mths apart. As I recall, we had our own dolls and teddies, and later on our own bikes, but a big playroom with other toys in it (mostly handed down from older siblings) which were seen as general property. Incidentally we got on well and are still very close. Your children sound lovely!

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