how to not completely lose your temper?

[ithoughtofitfirst]

I think people who know me would be surprised I'm asking this because I have literally only raised my voice twice ever with ds. And both times it's because I'd absolutely spectacular lost my cool. But I feel like I'm on the verge of screaming all the time lately. I never do but I've just got a constant headache and anxious irritable knot in my chest. I love ds more than life itself (as parents often do?!) and am not actually ever angry with him because I know everything he's doing is not his fault I.e. totally normal behaviour but sometimes ... Oh good God.

Please share your coping strategies with me!!

Making sure I have a lay in every now and then, I'm a mardy bum when I'm sleepy.

Try and scoop my DS up and distract him before his tantrum escalates even further. Tickles also works well for my DS.

Walk away and make a coffee if DS is really doing my head in! Or say to my husband, see this is why we are only having one!! Thinking I don't have to do this again sometimes makes me feel better

Agree - walk away and take 5. Even if you're short of time it's better than engaging when you're feeling angry. Also think about the common flashpoints and plan your strategy, it helps me to know if dd says x I do y as a pre planned menu because with kids you fight the same battles day after day and it helps me feel in control. Can you get a break? Always harder when I'm run down and tired too.

You don't say how old DS is? If you have only lost your cool and shouted twice in, say, 5 years then you are doing better than most people me.

The other day I got so disappointed and cross with DS9 over his unwillingness to apologise to me that tears sprang to my eyes whilst talking to him. Crying in front of your children is a big no-no, apparently.

When feeling more in control of myself I would tell my children in a very controlled, stern way (through gritted teeth) that they must go to their room and wait for me to come and talk to them - because I am too cross to talk to them right now. If they are trantruming too much I will say the same thing but walk away from them (rather than sending them away from me).

Millie that thought got me through labour with dd. might bring out that bad boy again

I do try and take 5 normally but come back to the situation and he's just done something even more infuriating than the thing that got me in the first place! I've been wondering for a while how to stop that happening. I've thought about saying 'let's go to your room' to disctract him but sometimes he'll just be like NOOOOOO I NEEEEED to do THIS!! eg repeatedly ramming his ride on in to my legs.

He's nearly 3. I have a friend with a dd the same age and loses it almost daily with her. And another friend who has never shouted at her ds (same age). which I find unbelievable! Then again she doesn't have a newborn like I do

Rational head knows he's still really little and that he's struggling to adjusg to new sibling. I actually think he's really well behaved all things considered but I'm just quite a hot headed person so find myself constantly getting to boiling point. Whereas dh is more stern but consistent... And always calm iyswim.

I don't have any solutions (I am more like your shouty friend than you ) but my DSis, who has two very testing DC, swears by the distraction technique - DC kicks off - look out of the window, looking convincingly consternated and say, '...is that an alien spaceship...omg'. She says it doesn't matter what you say - it's just got to be enough to head them off before full on tantrum mode and hopefully make you laugh.

That's awesome! I have no imagination but I like that idea a lot. I can imagine the look on his face.

Forgot to say thank you for the replies too.

Is that like playful parenting? I read a parenting book the other day and can't actually remember what it was called, I think maybe it was 'how to talk to boys and get boys to talk' and it says use things like that.

Yeah ithought thinking I only have one, this is the last time I will deal with this, helps me sooo much, but then you have a newborn, whoops!

Thank you I've been researching and I think I know ththe book you mean 'how to talk so kids will listen ...'

I never really thought about getting a book but I might do. I haven't had the best start with ds and now I'm struggling with him. Not terribly but I could probably do with some input.

I don't have the same imagination as Phineyj's friend but I did find going 'OOH look BIRD!' and pointing out of the window headed DD off at the pass at the same age. Also doing silly things like if she was refusing to get dressed I would try to don her clothes, squeezing a t-shirt over my head or trying to put her pants on my head, that kind of thing. Or, this works quite well, tickle her mercilessly while saying in a mock stern voice, DD stand up properly and let me get your coat on, stop being so silly etc.

this also does work. If he's driving you potty, try giving him a big hug. Of course it can backfire when he pokes you in the eye or somesuch...