when ignoring bad behaviour no longer works, which techniques worked for your 21 mo old???

[papaya]

I don't know if its just a milestone DD;s reached where she has sussed that when her bad behaviour is ignored she can continue doing something naughty for longer, or sometimes when she is being ignored she has now started screaming - extremely high pitched and ear burstingly loud. We are really starting to feel we have to start implementing some kind of naughty corner/step etc etc. The thing is we keep googling suitable techniques, but would really like to hear from tried and tested methods for this age if possible. DD is extremely strong willed, distraction has never really worked with her, tantrums can also be a problem, and ignoring her seems to be making her tantrums worse as she gets older and now she has a tantrum she breaks out in hives,then scrathes then her excema flares up really bad. Reasoning with her does work to a certain extent, but of course this too has its limits and if she has done something naughty then i believe she should be punished (in the nicest possible way of course!! that word sounds harsh) - not reasoned with!!

this has ended up being very long - sorry!! If your still reading thankyou x

Poor you! My opinion, for what it's worth, is that this is part of the process of getting ignoring bad behaviour to work. That sounds confusing. What I mean is that often people give up in the ignoring bad behaviour thing because it seems to get worse rather than better. This is because children, seeing that they are ignored, try to get attention by making their behaviour even worse, and it takes a while before it finally clicks that it doesn't matter how bad they are, they are still not going to get any attention. It's really important that the reverse happens - good behaviour gets loads of positive attention. Hope this helps and isn't too garbled!

yes, I agree with curlew. I think that ignoring/distraction is really the only way to go with a child of this age, imo. if you try to "punish" her then that will be (for her) just some more attention so counterproductive ime.
one thing you might want to think about is a technique Steve Biddulph talks about which is "stand and think" (or something like that), where he gets the child to stand and think about what s/he has done. he describes it in his book the Secrets of Happy Children.

'The Social Toddler' is a book I found very useful for this age group. It explains a very positive method of 'discipline' and case studies in the book (inc lots of photos) clearly show how the methods work.

My almost 21 mth DS is similar and I find ignoring the behaviour really hard, and actually if it is behaviour where he can hurt himself or someone else, I don't think ignoring it works. Then I do tend to tell him "no" quite firmly and sit him on to a chair and then ignore him, and this has actually worked on the occasions (v. few) where it was necessary.Also sounds stupid, but if he is having a tantrum, i sometimes pay a lot of extra attention to dog (this could work with other children - I don't have any though), or I walk out right of the room where he has flattened himself onto the floor and find one of his toys and sit down and "play" with it on my own - to give him the message that I have better and way more interesting things to do that react to his tantrum - often curiosity will get the better of him. Another thing that I've found is that his tantrums and attention seeking actually get worse if he is tired or hungry, a quiet story, nap or a snack can fend off the worst behaviour - although sometimes mid-tantrum these are the last things that I am thinking about. It seems that it is a big guessing game!! A tip my mother gave me (don't always manage this, though) is to prepare evening meals in the morning when child is less fractious and will play on own - avoids the evening conflicts where child is tired, hungry and acting up and mummy is exhausted, out of patience and trying to organise dinner. I might also read the social toddler book for info, though- any other suggestions?