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Original poster

Not sure if being too emosh or if my ds hates me

12 replies

SnookyWookyWooWoo · 30/12/2014 22:18

Hoping for some friendly advice, basically my 2.5 yr old son has started pushing me away. He constantly tells me, "go away mummy" and sometimes physically pushes me away or tries to hit me.

My husband asked him this morning if he wanted to go shopping and he replied that he wanted to go with Daddy but mummy to stay at home. When we got there dh walked away from the trolley to pick something up from the shelf and I went to push the trolley which my ds was sitting in and he again told me to go away repeatedly.

It's getting so often now and he seems to hate me. I'm a sahm and I'm feeling resentful as I spend all my time with him playing, teaching, cuddling, and generally trying to parent as best I can but I'm the one he wants to be with least.

The other day my husband asked if ds loved him, which of course he replied yes to with great enthusiasm, then dh asked same question about me and my son said "no I don't love mummy".

I know he probably isn't old enough to be able to understand that it hurts me but I feel so heartbroken. We're a family that say I love you all time, we are loving, we never raise a hand to our ds and make time as a family, we have rules and try to explain them properly. I just don't know where I'm going wrong. He literally prefers everyone to me, and I mean everyone in our family

Anyone else been here before?

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CaulkheadUpNorth · 30/12/2014 22:18

He's 2.5. They are fickle at that age. It's normal.

Original poster
SnookyWookyWooWoo · 30/12/2014 22:20

So it might get better when he's a bit older? Lol don't want to be the hated one for his entire childhood

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CaulkheadUpNorth · 30/12/2014 22:24

Do you remember what you said you hated when you were two? I imagine not.

Definitely put it on your get over it list. Don't forget, you are the adult. Don't let him rule the family!

Hassled · 30/12/2014 22:25

In a couple months' time he'll hate Dad and love you. They do this to mess with your head and leave you a frazzled wreck. Try not to react - just ignore completely and carry on as though he hasn't spoken.

Ziggyzoom · 30/12/2014 22:26

If my DC's said something like this at this age , I would have said something like - "well that makes me sad." Then I would have carried on doing what I was doing an interacting with them as normal.

They don't do it now at 6 and 8 and I can't remember when they last did.

Smartiepants79 · 30/12/2014 22:31

In my house I am currently flavour of the month.
Next week it will be daddy.
I think it's fairly normal for children to be like this with the parent they see the least of. Some one told me once that it's a way of ingratiating themselves and securing the relationship. He knows you're always there. Daddy come and goes so he needs to work a bit harder.
I also think it's a control mechanism. A way of wielding a bit of control over their environment.
He doesn't hate you. He just knows you will always come back no matter what.

Smartiepants79 · 30/12/2014 22:32

Oh, and yes. Ignore it.

Original poster
SnookyWookyWooWoo · 30/12/2014 22:33

I do feel as though I'm being a bit neurotic, but it gets to me espesh when he is all over sil like a rash and it sometimes feels like it's rubbed in my face...like I'm a shitty mum.

I'm normally quite level headed lol...aunt flo must be on the way Confused

Thanks all

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MrsMcRuff · 30/12/2014 22:37

Are there any particular situations where you notice a more positive response from your ds? Is he the same when dh isn't around?

The situations you described were when both of you were there. Do you think that there could be some subconscious vying for his affection that your ds is picking up on, and feeling he has to make a choice? If that's the case, he is quite likely to choose daddy, because he sees less of him - familiarity breeding contempt, and all that! I'm sure it's just a typical toddler power trip phase!

Original poster
SnookyWookyWooWoo · 30/12/2014 22:37

So ignoring is the best way? Dh goes a bit mad when ds does this and tells him off.

He normally says "that's mean and you shouldn't say that to mummy" and he makes him apologize. I just don't respond when it's just me and ds

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Original poster
SnookyWookyWooWoo · 30/12/2014 22:40

He's same doesn't matter who he's with. He does show affection to me and talks to me plays with me, responds to me all the time. This 'mum hating' is just every so often. He is particularly naughty and almost seems angry at me when he is with sil and DN's

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aliciasmama · 07/01/2015 15:29

I think every child I have met including my own have had a favourite parent at this age ( it's never me btw Sad )Mums are the constant we say no and we make them take naps and we get boring lol! try not to take it too much to heart He loves you really xxx

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