Fear of men in my dd

[Peggotty]

I did post about this a couple of weeks ago, to which someone responded with a similar problem, but it seems to be getting worse, and just wanted some more reassurance....?
My dd is 20 months and seems to be really quite scared of men. She hides her face and won't walk past men. Today in a soft play, a bloke had the sheer gall to be within the same section as my dd and she burst into hysterical tears, (he, of course tried to clam her and made it worse poor bloke .) I don't know what's causing this, it's worrying me a bit, although sensibly I know it's probably just a phase. What can I do, if anything, to help her through it? Any advice..?

My dd went through exactly the same, but with boys as opposed to men, at the same age. For several weeks she would cry, cling to me, beg to be picked up, and generally panic if she had to walk past small boys - apart from her cousin.

In her case, there was some logic - a boy had come up smiling then whacked her in the face a few weeks earlier. But I think whatever the reason or lack of one, I would try and be really supportive of her feelings without making a big deal about men or avoiding them in any way at all. In other words, tell her you know she is scared, and give her a cuddle, comfort her, don't ridicule her or minimize her fears for her, but at the same time let her see that you're comfortable with men yourself - and don't feel any need to avoid them.

I agree, its a phase! After boys, we had a brief spell of fears about trains, owls, and dogs - all of which I handled the same way, all of which passed within weeks.

Thanks for responding eliboo! Is your dd quite shy normally? I am worried I think, that my dd will inherit my shyness. Also, I am NOT comfortable around men, unfortunately, so am worried she maybe senses that. I realise I am probably reading too much into this, and mixing it up with my own feelings . silly really...

No...she's not shy, in fact at 2.10 she's very confident and open! But she STILL went through lots of phases of clinginess and fears, I think its really really normal.

I understand how easy it is to mix up ones' own fears and insecurities with one's dd's...I find talking it through is the only way I can untangle them again when that happens. The good thing is you've already recognized and owned your own shyness and discomfort around men - as long as you can own it, she's far less likely to pick up on it and carry it as hers!

I've also found that anything I can do to work through my own issues, rather than worrying about dd, helps me and her both...so the more you can talk about your shyness and/or the men thing, the better, IMO

But I bet your dd will be fine...

Thanks again eliboo, what you say makes sense. I think it is better to be aware of your own hang-ups etc so that you can prevent passing them on to your children. My discomfort around men stems from a whole set of circumstances in childhood that my dd will never have to go through (alcoholic father out of the picture, so no father figure, and low self esteem). I think shyness in itself isn't such a bad thing, just not when teamed with bad self esteem. She won't have that though, I can guarantee it.