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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

How do I react to comments on my toddlers size?

31 replies

carameldecaflatte · 22/12/2014 21:56

Hope this is the right place...

My lovely DS is 2 1/2 and well above 99% for height and weight, all in proportion.

My problem is the comments of other people, "Oh he's huge!", "He's NOT 2 1/2 is he?" "He's enormous!" and on and on.

I am well aware that I might be overthinking the whole thing but as someone who was tall as a child and believed that I was fat and then became fat I am desperate to minimise any negative impact these comments might have on him.

He is oblivious (hopefully) at the moment but I imagine that he will at some point start to hear these words. I don't want him becoming self-conscious or seeing himself as different.

How would you react? My thought is to answer these comments made within his earshot with something positive like, "Isn't it great!" "Isn't he lucky to be so tall! Lovely tall boy isn't he!"

Overthinking? Overcautious?

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tryingtocatchthewind · 22/12/2014 22:00

I know exactly how you feel my LO is 'huge' as well and I hate that it's the first comment. I also worry people judge him for wearing nappies or being in a buggy as they think he's 4 not 2.
I think the best thing to do is just relax and have a giggle when it comes up in conversation again otherwise he'll pick up on your worry

Gabriola · 22/12/2014 22:05

People are tactless. I have a tall ds and a tiny dd who is 2 years older. It drives her mad that people constantly point out that her little brother is taller than her and that he has bigger hands and feet etc.

Just smile and change the subject. Ask them how the diet is going or some such .

CharlesRyder · 22/12/2014 22:10

My DS is huge too. Born on the 99th for height and weight and been well over for both (by exactly the same amount) since a couple of months old.

Now 4 in 7yo clothes.

I just think of what Matthew Pincent, Johnny Wilkinson et al must have been like at 4. The Titans of the adult world were all children once! I don't worry about it- I'm just finding him activities that will suit his stature.

CaroleLJ · 22/12/2014 22:13

I had the same with DD2. People can be so cruel - she was very big (tall and chubby) but developmentally average . I'd be told she couldn't walk because she was too fat or always in a buggy. I'm sure people don't know how hurtful their comments are.

She's now 6ft 2" and naturally slim. Sorry OP- don't have a solution. Just don't let it get to you.

woundbobbin · 22/12/2014 22:21

When dd was five weeks I was pacing up and down the GP surgery waiting for a HV appointment. The receptionist was pottering round looking at all the babies she came up to me and said "oooo isn't he enormous, he must have been huge born etc etc" I blame being in a mood cos of the wait / hormones and the fact that she said "he" but I responded with a filthy look and " I'm not sure your in a position to comment on anyone's weight do you?" Not my proudest moment but she moved off quite quickly!

Chesterado · 22/12/2014 22:27

We are going to have this soon, 18 mth old ds is 99 centile plus and in 2 yr old clothing. Whenever people comment , ie constantly, I cheerfully point out that all the men on both sides of our families are massive (which they are) and I'd be worried if he wasn't,

headinhands · 22/12/2014 22:32

Ds is a titch and we had the opposite problem from strangers. It's funny how people feel quite comfortable making comments about a child's stature but not as free about an adult. My dh is quite short and I have never known strangers to comment on his height when out and about, strange isn't it, like children don't deserve the same decency.

MmeLindor · 22/12/2014 22:35

I have the opposite - everyone comments how small DD is. 12yr old and can still wear age 9-10 clothes.

I normally say something along the lines of 'oh, we are all short-arses in our family!'. (I'm 5' 2 and DH isn't much taller!), or 'She's always been dainty'.

Your idea of 'Lovely tall boy' kind of comment is great. I think its harder when the child is taller than average, because people expect too much of them - even when they know he's younger than he looks.

BingBongSongEveryDamnDay · 22/12/2014 22:43

We have this, DD is 2.7 and on similar lines. She wears 3-4 years clothing and people assume that because she's big, has lots of hair, and is very active, but talks a normal amount for her age, that she's "slow". (their wording not mine.) Err no, she's 2, thanks. They always look relieved when DH appears as if she is a puzzle that needs to be explained - he's 6'4" and DD clearly takes after him.

dancingwitch · 22/12/2014 22:46

When I made the inane comment of "gosh, he's tall" about a child who towered over my DS but was two months younger the mother patiently said "yes, but my DH is 6'6" so it isn't much of a surprise. It is tough on him at the moment as everyone thinks he is older than he is so thinks he should be able to do more than he can. He does seem to have good hand eye co-ordination so, if he does, he will thrash everyone else in his year when it comes to sport". I thought the answer was perfect. She gave the facts, highlighted the behaviour thing which reminded me not to jump to that conclusion but ended on a real positive.

Micah · 22/12/2014 22:49

I get it a lot with dd2.

Funny thing is, she's not that tall. She's mid range height for her year group, lots taller, some shorter. Her build gives the illusion she's very tall I think.

I sometimes say something like oh she's about normal height, it's her build makes her look proportionally taller. I prefer to say oh yes, she has lovely long levers should she decide to row, cycle or swim in the olympics ;)

Tzibeleh · 22/12/2014 22:56

One of my dc was born off the chart (literally! The midwife had to fetch a different one to record his weight, as the standard chart issued did not go up to 11lb ) and has stayed above 95th centile ever since. He has always been a whole head taller than most of his classmates.

Yes, definitely grin and accept the comments with pride and pleasure, no matter whether they might have been meant as criticism.

The only time ds's height has ever been tricky has been when people expected 'older' behaviour from him, on account of his height.

When he kicked off in the supermarket, for example, I would say things like "it's tough being bored and frustrated when you're only three years old". You should have seen the critical old biddies' faces change when they heard that. Instead of being judgemental about a 5yo who should know better than to behave like that, or about a mother putting her school-age child in the trolley seat, they would suddenly be admiring his healthy size, cooing at him, offering him goodies, and telling me all about their nephew ("Ever such a big baby he was. My sister Dora was never the same again.")

MissHJ · 22/12/2014 22:57

I have the same only my son(15 months) is really tiny. He is tall but does not put weight on easily so people comment asking if we feed him! He eats well when he is not ill or teething but I have tried, and he is just slim. His dad is the same. Just ignore the comments. As long as your son is healthy then that's what matters and kids are generally oblivious to the comments around them.

catkind · 22/12/2014 23:02

Remember people aren't saying it to criticize, just for something to say. If anything they probably intend it to be admiring.

Our 2.9 DD is also v tall (though not quite as high percentile-wise, more like 98th+), I tend to say things like "yeah, she's always been tall", "yeah, she's trying to catch up with DS", "haha, someone asked if she was at school yet the other day!".

Original poster

carameldecaflatte · 23/12/2014 07:10

Thank you everyone! I think I'll just take any comments as a compliments and give a cheery and positive response and stop worrying so much.

And yes, people do expect "older" behaviour from him, despite his toddler proportions and speech. Trouble is, he is in a contrary phase at the moment (whatever we say, he says something different) so if I say "Oh he's only two and a half" he pipes up with "three and a half" or, the other day, "sixteenfortytwo and a half"

Happy holidays!

OP posts:

nooka · 23/12/2014 07:33

My dd is also very tall, she was a fairly well behaved and talkative child so it didn't cause any huge issues for us re her behaviour (might have helped that her slightly older brother was fairly terribly behaved so she looked angelic in comparison!). It was tricky finding her little girl type dresses when she hit the teen ranges very early but my worries have more been about the teenage years as she is often mistaken for a much older person.

For example last year at a family wedding her cousin was told to check with his dad about being given a glass of champagne and she was just handed one. She was 13 and he was 20!

When she was small I just said that yes she was tall but her dad is 6'5" and moved on. She is much happier being tall than I ever was at her age.

slightlyconfused85 · 23/12/2014 07:35

Know how you feel, I've got a very tall 2 year old DD. I just nod and agree, and follow up with 'yes isn't she lucky I wish I was tall!' I've become much less sensitive about it as I've realised people just like to say something about children!

MissYamabuki · 23/12/2014 08:07

Just enjoy him as he is, take comments on board and smile! He's tall, it's a fact like his hair colour; it's not a "thing". I wouldn't even try to comment positively - you can't really do anything about your height and he might start thinking that "lovely tall boy" means that short boys aren't lovely.

My DD is tall in her age group, taller than everyone in her nursery class and the year above, in 6yo clothes having just turned 4 etc. Both DP and I are above average for height so tall kids are to be expected.

Also kids are more than their size so I just focus on other things. In DD's class there is a girl a whole foot shorter than her. Her parents aren't bothered -why should they be? she's bright and healthy. All that people ever mention is how happy and loving she is.Nobody goes to them to say "oooh she's short, isn't she?". Someone has to be the tallest and the shortest, and all the sizes in between.

jigglywiggly · 23/12/2014 08:15

I don't think it's necessarily a criticism when people comment on how tall or big your DS is, sometimes people just make conversation. My Ds is 2 and tiny so I get the opposite.....but I just say 'yes he's my tiny 2 year old ' :)

hazeyjane · 23/12/2014 08:17

I get comments about ds being so short - off the bottom of the centile chart for height (but 50th for weight!) He has genetic condition so his height is a combination of that and the fact dh and I are shortarses! I always just focus on how great it is to be short.

I also worry people judge him for wearing nappies or being in a buggy as they think he's 4 not 2. Ds is also both of these at 4 1/2 - anyone who judges him is an arsehole.

Pensionerpeep · 23/12/2014 08:24

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Greencurtain · 23/12/2014 08:28

Make sure you get them to embrace it and be happy about it. My dc are both tallest in year group etc and I have taught then this is a good thing because my brother now walks bent over having been so self conscious.

feelingdizzy · 23/12/2014 08:32

My kids particularly my ds got (still do ) get these comments. I tended to say in response to how tall they are, that there would be questions asked if they weren't I am 5'10 their Dad is 6'3.
M kids at 11 and 12 are 5'6 and 5'7. My son who is still in primary school, towers over his teacher ! They seem ok with their height my daughter in particular loves it.

ArsenicStew · 23/12/2014 08:45

Yes do the positive 'lovely tall boy' thing.

The comments never stop. It's boring but what can you do?

The worst bits were the toddler stage (as you've all said, people judge development by height) and then later from 8/9 onwards when people started wanting to charge 11+ bus fares, then 16+ admission prices for things (so I started carrying his passport around which was a minor irritation).

Now, with a 17 year old, it still continues and the biggest problem is DS's acerbic sarcasm about the latest "Ooo aren't you tall?". He's clearly going to have a lifetime of it, so better to adjust to the inane remarks early

Blondebiker4685 · 23/12/2014 08:47

Just say 'oh yes he's very lucky'

One were the opposite and even as a toddler I had 'was he premature?' There were/are huge bonuses to his size though.

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