'Toddlers won't starve themselves' - I actually think he might

[PenelopeChipShop]

I've probably posted before about my fussy 2.5 yo but things have gone from crap to worse - he used to eat some dinner every day but it had to be a variation on the same format, either pasta or rice with fish in a tomato sauce, and vegetables.

Now even that failsafe is being rejected, and I am left with nothing, yes actually NO MEALS AT ALL that he will touch.

He eats a bit of breakfast - a piece of fruit followed by either cereal or porridge. He usually asks for snacks in the morning and will get either a banana or something 'lunchy' like crackers and cheese so that he isn't filling up on sweet things.

Lunch will be either scrambled eggs, omelette or a snacky mixture of cheese, salad, crackers, houmous, etc. He'll eat a yoghurt afterwards usually and even more fruit.

Dinner he now doesn't eat. Even allowing for the 'take into account what they eat over a week not a day' thing I just don't think he's eating enough.

What to DO?????! I am now serving up a different meal every day in the full knowledge that he won't touch it and will go to bed hungry. I take it away with no comment and no fuss and still offer dessert, so as not to set up a dichotomy of 'good' versus 'treat' foods. Outwardly I am being calm but inside I am screaming.

Has anyone else's been this bad? How long til they crack and try something new? I am getting really desperate. He goes to nursery 2 days a week and won't touch any food there either.

He sounds like he's getting enough food, and you are doing brilliantly by not turning mealtimes into a battle.

Would he drink a milkshake or smoothie before bed? I don't think he needs it, but might help you with the feeling of 'sending him to bed hungry'.

Another one saying I think he's doing pretty well actually. It's very hard to stay calm though, sounds like you're doing brilliantly. My ds used to eat all his food early in the day and would then just have small bits later - maybe it's quite a normal eating pattern for toddlers? He was hugely fussy too and I did worry about it a lot. A low point was him throwing up the tiny amount he ate on a family holiday, because I got cross at being 'shown up' in front of my family and put lots of pressure on him felt awful and never pressured him again.

He turned 3 in October and is now eating everything so I would say keep going the way you are, and hopefully he'll grow out of it. Good luck!

Sorry if I am missing something (or have answered this already) but your child doesn't sound like a particularly fussy eater, just one that doesn't want a big meal at tea time. Have you tried a hot dinner at lunch time? It sounds like he isn't hungry. My almost 4yo barely eats anything after lunch - a banana mid afternoon and normally a tiny snack tea (1 crumpet or half a sandwich etc), a few slices of veg and a small pudding pot. He has a big breakfast and a large hot lunch plus his 5 a day so I'm not worried.

Dd does this in phases. Also 2. I can end up demented but she never when in phase seems hungry.

I keep milk going and sometimes age appropriate multi vitamins for when I'm really worried.

So far every time I get to the point of she's not eaten for days she goes back to eating. Then it happens again. I'm guessing growth spurts. And that also maybe she doesn't want as much as maybe I want to feed.

Dd is now 4.5 yo and ate less at that age (she is still not a great eater- goodness knows how much she eats at school). I find that she will have a reasonable lunch or dinner. Never both- it's like she just can't manage two big meals a day. She followed the 75 th centile but is now on the 50th which I think is her natural home. I have realised that there is no point trying to get a baby or child who isn't really hungry to eat.

Also, I now have a 6mo who is weaning.he is much stockier and clearly loves food. It is bizarre to have a baby who doesn't clamp his mouth shut at the sight of food. I have weaned both exactly the same.

In all honesty that is more than I can get my six yo to eat most days, but she looks healthy and is super active and happy. It should like he is doing fine, and is actually eating quite a variety of stuff, maybe offer veg along with the fruit? Otherwise really, don't worry :)

i agree about them eating more at breakfast i mean 12 hrs without food.
Maybe lunch is too close to tea.
It centiles match it should be fine.
Their tummies are the size of their fist so still tiny

Yon could always give him dinner as lunch a couple of days and see if he will do that.

It does sound like he is doing fine though.

At two, my DS ate dry crackers, banana, and yoghurt. That's it. He would not touch anything else. He would drink milk but no other drinks -- only water. If he once ate what your DS eats I would have thought I'd died and gone to heaven. Please don't worry yourself.

At home and at nursery we served him what we knew he liked, and made other foods available. Gradually he started picking at food from my plate or helped himself to something at nursery.

He's a strapping 13-year-old now. Still only drinks water but eats a varied and recognisably adult diet.

We saw a dietician who advised us to make every mouthful count. Cover savoury food in cheese, put melted butter on pasta, give flapjack as snack, make banana milkshakes. Also at that age my children were just too tired to eat in the evening. Giving a more substantial meal at lunchtime meant I didn't sweat it over a snacky cracker tea. Good luck, and you're doing a great job staying calm!

I agree with the others saying he is having three toddler meals in the morning.

I would either stop worrying and continue with what you or doing or cut out the banana/cheese and crackers snack and give him the dinner meal at lunchtime.

I never had snacks unless we had been swimming or something but lunch was 11.30ish.

My ds2 was much worse at this age. He was (and still is) under a paediatrician. Multiple allergies, severe reflux, he is on the 0.4th centile for weight and the 2nd centile for height. He once went 4 days without eating anything before we insisted that enough was enough.

However, he eats OK now (aged 6) and will even sometimes declare that he is hungry (something we never would have imagined). He still has a limited diet, but so long as he eats voluntarily, that is the most important thing in his case.

Get him checked for medical reasons for not eating (the reflux put ds2 off eating because eating caused pain and not eating was less painful for him than reflux). Once we sorted the underlying problem, things did improve.

I'd have to agree with the others. My son eats a cheese sandwich every day for lunch and when he was younger just didn't eat hot meals at all really - he'd never eaten rice or pasta for example. He's a bit better now at 4.5 I once heard the advice to think about what a toddler eats over the week as that is more representative of the nutrition. Also it did seem to me when my kids were that age that many toddlers preferred two meals a day - some wouldn't touch breakfast but ate a massive dinner, some didn't do lunch. Hope he gobbles a bit more soon though xxx

I think he eats a fair bit. You could stop the morning snack and give him lunch then he might eat dinner. As it is he eats a variety of foods three times a so certainly won't starve

He is eating. You having dinner and enjoying it will tempt him to have a go in a while. Does he eat pudding instead of dinner? If so he knows to wait for that (say I from experience!). You could take him for a walk before dinner to increase his appetite. Might help..

IVe just suggested this in another read but please read this... I've found it so helpful when dealing with my 3 year old fussy eater! ellynsatterinstitute.org/dor/divisionofresponsibilityinfeeding.php

Another 'thread'!

Does he drink lots of milk?

My ds1 was a little like this. Ate normally at breakfast, lunch and snack but come tea time, he was too full too eat, so he would have a cup of milk at bedtime.

Wake up ravenous, eat 2 breakfasts, lunch and a snack, but not hungry for tea. He's 9 now and not like it anymore!

Try mixing up the food you offer at lunch time, my 2 yo is in the process of dropping his lunchtime nap, so I have changed meal times round: his main meal is at lunchtime and for tea he has picky bits. Worth a try?

Tortoiseinashell i have copied those rules and will start today! Thank you.

I have a brother, now in his 40s, who ate almost nothing but white bread, cheese and tomato ketchup until he was around 10-11 when he began picking at other stuff (mostly unhealthy sweet stuff). It was only when he went to university he began trying other foods

It certainly hasn't harmed his development either physically (over 6 foot tall) or mentally (2 undergraduate degrees and a PhD)

I think it all sounds fine, I don't understand why you're worried. From your OP title I thought he wasn't eating, then you describe him eating plenty during the day.

Has he lost any weight or moved very far down the centile table?