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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

A day at Nursery?

18 replies

NickyEds · 05/12/2014 10:31

I am a SAHM to my ds who will be one in a couple of weeks. I've always wanted to SAH and I'm really enjoying it but as friends have returned to work I've been hearing about their dcs and how they're doing at nursery/cm and have got a bit worried that DS is missing out.
All of my friends have talked about how much their babies have come on and progressed since starting childcare. They talk about how then rush in to play with their friends. I take ds to groups etc and, although there are babies he sees fairly regularly I wouldn't say he rushes to play with them. He seems interested in the other babies and will attempt a kiss them or to nick whatever toy they're playing with but that's it! They've also suggested that their babies walking/talking have really come on.
I've no real worries about ds's development and he sailed through his 9-12 month reviews, meeting milestones etc it's just this having little buddies that's worrying me a bit. It's not worth me going back to work(job really not something that can be done part time) but our budget could stretch to a day at nursery a week. I've heard a lot of nurserys won't take babies a day a week as they don't settle??
Has anyone put their dc in nursery for only one day a week and purely for the social interaction? My plan was to wait until he's a bit older (maybe even the free hours at 3)-has anyone done this? Did your lo settle after so long at home with you? TIA

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TimelyNameChangey · 05/12/2014 12:28

He's not missing out. He's still a baby! If he were 3 then I'd say...send him...but he's with you and that's mainly what they need.

Babies don't have friends...social interaction in that sense begins aged 3 onwards and some dc can't really do the playing together thing until they are 4.

Really don't worry. Mine both stayed with me until they were 3 and a half and then went to preschool. Both absolutely fine.

ILoveSimonCowell · 05/12/2014 12:34

He's not missing out. He's having the best time ever - WITH YOU! Wait til 3 ish for play school/nursery etc. Time passes so quickly he'll soon be at school. Make the most of the opportunity to spend as much time together as you can.

ruth4321 · 05/12/2014 16:15

He's not missing out on anything! They dont really benefit much from nursery until 3 years unless they are from a unsettled home. It sounds like you take him to different clubs so don't worry at all. I'm a SAHM also and although it's hard some days I love it we go to a different group every morning and have lots of fun together. Keep it up I don't think we get enough credit for the hard work we do!

Lorelei353 · 05/12/2014 16:19

DS is at nursery, loves it and is developing wonderfully but he's there because DH and I both work. He would love being at home and would be developing wonderfully if he was with us every day too.

Your DS is going to continue to develop, walk, talk and learn with you until he's old enough to need to go off to (pre)school. His rate will be different to every other child out there and his learning curve will be unique either way. Don't send him because you think you should. Send him if you want to or need to.

Needingsomeadvice · 05/12/2014 16:32

Another vote for keeping him with you. There really isn't any benefit to him being away from you right now. If you don't have to put him through it then don't.
My DS went to day nursery 3 days a week from 10 months and I hated having to leave them but I had to return to work from maternity leave (albeit part time). I didn't stop feeling sad about it until he was about 18 months and even then I am not convinced he wouldn't have been much much better at home. An aquaintance of mine was a SAHM and put her ds in nursery 2 mornings a week 'to socialise him' at about the same age. I was a bit because babies and young toddlers do not really need to be at nursery to do that. If I had been able to be a SAHM I would have not done it.
I used to do stay and play groups and music classes, tumble tots etc with DD (was a SAHM with her).

NotCitrus · 05/12/2014 16:44

Until 2 they really aren't bothered about friends - my kids were both in a small and lovely nursery and liked it from 11 months (I worked 3 days a week), but more for the messy play and toys and climbing frame than for the other toddlers. At 2.5-3 they both started paying much more attention to the other children and asking after their friends.

So might as well save your money, go to a few toddler groups, and embrace the free hours at 3. Or reconsider in 6 or 12 or 18 months if you have a hugely mischievous toddler and you would feel a better parent after a few hours' break.

Original poster

NickyEds · 05/12/2014 19:44

Thanks everyone. It just feels a bit when I hear about stuff they do at nursery and the other babies etc- it sort of feels like Baby club and stacking cups don't really cut the mustard!
I think I may reconsider in 6 ish months NotCitrus as I'll be 9 months pregnant.

OP posts:

NannyNim · 05/12/2014 20:23

I'm a nanny and my employers chose to put their DS in nursery 1 day a week at 12mths. After 6mths the nursery insisted they up it to 2 days as they feel it offers more consistency though we felt he had settled well enough.

He's happy enough there and comes home singing all sorts of songs that he's learned but quite honestly he gets more out of being home with me (His parents agree!) They wanted him to socialise but as PPs say, children are not actually interested in other children until they're 2.5/3. Some do form strong friendships before this but it's rare. My LO has a little girl that he's particularly fond of and will talk about often even though he rarely sees her (the daughter of a family friend) but even when they're together they don't actually play together, just in the same room.

As long as you're getting out and about with your DC and having play dates and, having fun and you're both happy then there's no need for you to worry! Just enjoy yourselves!

Andcake · 05/12/2014 20:39

Ds was at home with me for a year then DP was a sahd so he started nursery at 2.5 for a morning or two he loves being at home and nursery. Is as developed as some of our friends kids who sent theirs to nursery at 12 months. In my mind it was the right time and now he has a good balance of the two - I still feel a full day would be too much!

kate1516 · 05/12/2014 20:51

My nursery told me that children don't really have friends in the way most people think of it until age 3+. Up to then they do their own thing but sometimes simultaneously with other kids if you know what I mean. Having said that my DS does enjoy nursery as there are a lot of fun activities and they change things a lot to give them new experiences. However, if I could be at home with him and took him to classes I would fee he had exposure to that side anyway.

daluze · 05/12/2014 20:55

My voice maybe alone here, but I think there is no one answer - it depends on a child. I was very surprised how early my DS made a "best friend" in nursery. He goes 3 days a week from the age of one, and already at ~18 months staff started telling me, that he spends most time playing with one boy - mostly chasing each other. No he is nearly 2, and they are inseparable in the nursery. It is definitely not playing alongside - they do interact a lot, share toys, etc.
I am sure he would have been fine if he stayed at home with me, but I am always a bit surprised when people say that little ones don't form close bonds and don't play together. Maybe it is unusual though, I don't know.
It is entirely up to you - he will be well either way. However, I wouldn't recommend 1 full day - it is a very long day for a little one. Maybe couple of mornings from around 18 months - 2 years.
Also, I like leaving most of messy activities to nursery - that's another advantage. But of course, you can do everything at home!

ladyflower23 · 06/12/2014 18:39

My DS has been in nursery since nine months. I felt he maybe started benefiting from some of the activities from around 18 months but didn't really start interacting properly with the other children till 2.5 years. He's now 3 and definitely gets a lot out of it. I wouldn't of sent him so young if I didn't have to. Particularly as he picks up every single bug going! I think whether 1 day would be unsettling depends on the child.

LostMySocks · 06/12/2014 22:57

My DS started nursery at just under 1. He developed rapidly but only because he was 1. They do come on rapidly at that age whether at home or nursery.....

Only1scoop · 06/12/2014 23:02

Dd went to nursery two afternoons a week from 10 months. Best thing we did. She loved it especially the socialising. I believe it's helped with starting school etc as she just gets on with it all a treat.

Maybe consider two shorter days to start with as a week between a full day is quite a long time.

olivesnutsandcheese · 06/12/2014 23:41

OP I thought like you that my LO was missing out as lots of his friends go to nursery etc

However I see now that he benefits hugely from being with me every day and that they grow so quickly that I need to appreciate this special time together.

Since he turned two though I have felt that I needed a bit of me time and that it would good for him to be looked after by people other than myself and his grandparents so as to prepare him for nursery school which he starts this summer.

Rather than an official child care setting though I decided to join a health club which has a lovely creche. So we now go twice a week - me to exercise and him for two hours at creche. He usually sees the same children and loves the staff. Fortunately it has worked out really well and I'm so glad I waited until he was older before introducing it. I remember vividly your dilemma. But I really think you should enjoy your time together at this stage.

HopeNope · 07/12/2014 00:10

Keep him at home. I've visited a number of nurseries in the past few months, and tbh most of the 1-2 year olds didn't look happy. Yes they were fine, but none of them looked 'happy'. I felt sorry for most of them. Maybe it's an age thing, but the very best thing at this age is for them to be with you.

HopeNope · 07/12/2014 00:11

I also very much they are developing because of nursery. In fact nursery if more likely to do opposite. Nursery is 3 children per 1 carer, whereas you have your child 1 to 1.

TimelyNameChangey · 07/12/2014 00:49

Daluze I would say it is unusual in such a small child...to have a best friend that is. I've worked with small children up to the age of 5 and ime th majority begin all that at 3 plus. Some not until 4 plus. Maybe your DS is extra sociable!

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