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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

preparing a 2 and half year old for new baby

20 replies

time4tea · 09/10/2006 17:31

My DS (2 and a half) will become a big brother in Feb 2007. We've explained that there is a baby in mummy's tummy, shown him newborns in the park, explained about brothers and sisters... would appreciate any tips from others on explaining and making things as easy for him as possible before and after the baby comes...
thanks

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oooggs · 09/10/2006 17:46

My ds is 2.9 and we have twins coming in March 2007. He isn't the slightest bit interested but understands that he has to be careful of mummys tummy. When you aske him what is in mummys tummy he says 'a baby', when you ask him how many he says 'one, two, three!!'.

Kif · 09/10/2006 17:50

I'll be watching this thread with interest!

I've a baby due mid-Nov - and Dd will be 2 and a half at that point.

Your dates suggest you haven't had the second scan yet? The 'penny dropped' for Dd at the second scan. Can't see how she could have made any sense of the smudged image on the screen, but she spontaneously volunteered that there was baby in mummy's tummy, then got very cuddly. Now I've got bigger, there are more opprotunities to ask 'what is in mummys tummy?'.

I've tried pointing out newborns. Not sure she's that impressed - although perhaps at least I'm avoiding the mistake of building up too much expectation - she can see how dull newborns are!

Buying clothes has been limitedly successful. I went to TESCOs. Ended up with a really random selection, but we managed to have a chat about how new brother will be very small, and about how biys wear blue so not good idea to buy him dresses.

I've also picked up a few 'baby' magazines, like Practical Parenting. It gives us pictures to talk about. It also lets me introduce the idea of breast feeding!

I'm considering getting her 'mini me' versions of key baby kit. I found a dolls rocking chair second hand... but think that the proper baby annabel kit is too expensive. Guess with a Ds you probably don't want to buy Baby Anabel either!

I'll let you know in November whether it worked or not!

USAUKMum · 09/10/2006 17:52

He is 2.5 now or when baby is born? My DD was 3.4 when DS was born and was old enough to really understand a lot. She came with me to the MW, so got to hear the heartbeat, etc. Also she came to my 20 wk scan (after they had checked out the babe to make sure everything was okay !) at the end, so got to see the baby. We read various books about babies &newborns. The library had loads.

If you are moving DS out of his room into a new one for the baby, do it sooner rather than later. Couch it in terms of a "big brother" room, so he doesn't feel like he is being shoved out.

I also explained to her (quite often) that the new baby will take lots of care, and she could help (bring nappies, etc).

She came to see him in hospital and was immediately taken with him. I was in for a few days, so I made sure that DH carried him into the house when we got hom, so that I could give her hugs & kisses.

It also helped that my Mum was here (from the States) for the first 5 wks so she got attention in that difficult newborn stage. But realise it isn't possible all the time -- but we had some special circumstances.

Kif · 09/10/2006 17:52

I should add - when asked 'what's in mummys tummy', half the time she answers 'doctor'. I think most baby chat is at the same time as antenatal appointment, so that two ideas are getting confused in her mind!

Original poster

time4tea · 09/10/2006 18:06

glad this thread will help out others...

He'll be a month short of 3 when the baby arrives, he does mention that there is a baby in mummy's tummy. we had a bad scan experience earlier this year - a missed miscarriage - so we've decided against bringing him to the 20 week scan in a couple of weeks, but might use the photos (also showing his 20 week scan photos, plus photos of me being enormously pregnant with him)

great tips on dollies and baby magazines

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USAUKMum · 09/10/2006 19:47

time4tea, I miscarried a baby at 20 wks between DD & DS. But still felt it was good to take DD to the 20 wk scan (we did have some indication that things were going okay due to nucal scan & one at 16 wks with consultant.) and why we had most of the scan first, then brought DD in when given the all clear.

As having already lost one baby (DD was 2.3 at the time), she knew something was wrong. And at 3, she would definately know.
. But can really understand your misgivings.

Must add that DD also bf her baby doll while I fed DS.

rarrie · 10/10/2006 19:36

Hi. My DD will be 3 exactly when the baby comes in november. She has a very clear idea of what to expect, although that is partly due to the fact that a few of her friends are already big sisters / brothers etc.

We bought her a baby book (there's a house inside my mummy) which has helped, and took her to our 3d scan, which really made it real for her. At one point, she said "the baby is waving to me mummy!" She has also got a photo of the baby (3d scan) by her bed and the baby bought her a pressie for her pretend 3rd birthday. She talks to the baby every day, and we have shown her piccies of when she was a newborn and told her that she was in my tummy etc etc.
HTH

pianomummy · 10/10/2006 20:12

I haven't faced this challenge yet, but gave this book to a friend who was expecting her second and she said it was really brilliant. also shows images of breastfeeding - always good!

Eliboo · 10/10/2006 20:36

My dd is 2.10 and will be nearly 3 when her little sister arrives. She's been very keen to 'baby' her Cat (cuddly toy) these past few months, and I've bought her, on request, various baby items as we've bought stuff for the baby. A moses basket, nappies, etc.
I'm also going to take her to a hospital visit, and checked that its ok to show her one of the rooms at the Maternity Unit - so she knows what to expect, at least a bit. She responds really well to reading books pre-events (we used books for potty training and pre-school before she did either, helped a lot) so must try the recommended ones - yes, this thread is really useful!

popsycal · 10/10/2006 20:37

ds1 was 2 years 7 months when ds2 was born
lovelt age!!!
get him a book called 'theres a house in side my mummy'
still reads it now

popsycal · 10/10/2006 20:38

we also had the one that someone likned below

Original poster

time4tea · 11/10/2006 20:59

thanks everyone for these great tips - I got him the house inside my mummy yesterday, will get the other recommended book. He talks a lot about mummies and babies (ie animals on the telly) but worries about babies/animals losing their mummies... and wants us to play being mummy cat and baby kitten a lot. I take lots of opportunities to reassure him he'll always be my kitten... he said that the baby could join in this game, which is sweet, and yesterday he said "hello baby can you hear me in there?" LOL

OP posts:

PrettyCandles · 11/10/2006 21:11

I involved my ds in unpacking the newborn babyclothes, talking about how small a newborn is, laying out some of his clothes next to some of the newborn gear for comparison. He enjoyed that a lot, especially as it gradually dawned on him, while we discussed what babies can and cannot do, that he was very clever and capable and he would be able to do far more than the baby.

I also borrowed anyone and everyone's tiny babies whenever I could, so that ds got used to seeing me with a baby in my arms/lap. At first he used to look sidways at me, not too keen on this, but he got so used to it that eventually he didn't bat an eyelid and I never had any problems holding dd afterwards. (A lot of mums have reported that no1 got very upset or angry when seeing no2 in mum's arms/lap.)

Hope it goes well for you

PrettyCandles · 11/10/2006 21:13

Another thing - towards the end of the pregnancy I got him a doll's buggy and a doll with nappies, so that, should he choose to do so, he could copy mummy. Also so that, should he need to do so, he could take out anger or jealousy on the doll, rather than on the baby. He never showed great interest in the doll, but absolutely delighted in the buggy for a long time, at least 18m.

ProfYaffle · 11/10/2006 21:25

T4T - I'm in exactly the same position. Dd is 2.5 and I am due on 2nd March. Dd is loving thisbook , I'm pretty sure there's a big brother version as well. She's very taken with the idea of being a big sister.

Explaining bf has been fun, she now thinks I can produce random foodstuffs from various parts of my body! Chocolate from my shoulder etc

TheBlonde · 12/10/2006 09:24

Any tips for those sibling who will be a bit younger when the new baby arrives?

DS will be 2. I've not mentioned anything about babies yet but I suppose I'll have to after Xmas. I'm not taking him to the 20 week scan as he yelled throughout the nuchal scan

Bugsy2 · 12/10/2006 10:06

My DS was 2.7 yrs old when his sister arrived. I did lots of preparation with him, bought a little book, bought a baby doll etc etc. DD brought a present home from hospital for him & all that stuff.
None of that actually prepares for the reality which is that they no longer have mummy's undivided attention. Quite often everything goes reasonably well for a month or two & then you get the backlash. You are tired, they are hacked off that you have a baby to look after as well as them & they start wetting themselves again, throwing huge wobblers, crying alot - anything really to gain your attention.
It all settles down again though but can be a bit bumpy for a while.

Original poster

time4tea · 12/10/2006 13:01

dear The Blonde, a good friend has just had a new baby with DS at 2. said the one thing she wished she really hadn't done was basically hand over 2 yr old to his dad(even though they are very close and dad does a lot of the child care, works P-T) with her taking the baby all the time.

will ask her for more positive tips!

OP posts:

batinshoes · 12/10/2006 19:29

looks like we are asking about the same things so some answers on my thread may help here

Original poster

time4tea · 13/10/2006 20:06

thanks Batinshoes... this has been a really useful thread for lots of people, the more advice the better with this sort of thing.

very grateful

T4T

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