Worried that the dr is going to call social services

[Minki]

I took DS2, 4 years, to the dr this evening as he has been ill for the last 5 days or so with flu and was off school today. He hasn't been that unwell (temp comes down with calpol) but this afternoon was complaining that his "brain" and ears were hurting so thought I would get him checked. I made appointments for him and also for myself as I think I have bruised my ribs (don't ask!). So, I take the DS2 and DSI (6), who we picked up from school at 3.10, to the appointment at 5.40. Our nanny left a month ago and we have been using temps ever since and had no childcare today (their dad was supposed to take them after-school but we switched things around when DS2 was off school so that my ex looked after him until 2.15 when I ran back from work to take over) so I couldn't leave DSI with at home with a nanny so he had to come with us. We go in and I explain the problem and she checks DS2. As she is doing this, DS1 starts mucking around by weighing himself on her scales and picking up equipment from her desk, playing with the light. I asked him to stop/told him off several times but he didn't listen so I got up and physically stopped him. The dr seemed quite grumpy about it and told him off too but then offered to listen to his chest as he was interested her stethoscope (sp?). The dr then said, oh he hasn't had his pre-school immunisations, which I was very surprised about as I thought he had. I decided not to give him MMR (he had the single jabs) but I was pretty sure that he had had the others. So I said I would book an appointment for as soon as he was better and did so when we came out. Anyhow, we left the dr then waited 20 minutes for my appointment to check my ribs which I am sure are either bruised or even cracked as very painful.
As we go in the dr looks confused and says, oh were you just here? And I said, yes, but the appointment was for me son. He then gestured towards the notes on the computer which, from memory, read something like this: "Child behavioural issues". DS2 presented with ear infection. Antibiotics given. DS1 displayed age inappropriate attention seeking behaviour. e.g. touching medical equipment when repeatedly told not to, mother seemed to struggle to control the behaviour. DS2 has missed his pre-school immunisations." I think that was it. I was completely confused and asked why the dr had written notes about me and DS1 when the appointment was for DS2! The dr was also confused and said perhaps she had put them in the wrong place/file?? He then said perhaps she was trying to be helpful and had identified some problem/issue he has!! I said I didn't see how she could diagnose anything in 5 minutes and if she was then she should have told me! Dr said he would get the other dr to call me tomorrow but I am now confused and terrified. Is she building a case for social services on the basis that i) she thinks DS1 has behavioural issues and ii) I forgot DS2's immunisations? I never received any reminders BTW. DS1 is quite naughty/spirited and had some minor issues when he started reception (his teacher wrongly suggested autism which was very quickly rules out) but has been going from strength to strength and doing well as school. His teachers don't have any concerns. However, as we did have some minor concerns in Reception, we went on the waiting list for the school counsel and stayed on just in case anything came up. My ex and I met with her for a couple of sessions recently to discuss DS1 where we all agreed he is fine/no issues with him but that it would be best for the children if my ex and I learnt to communicate better. Surely though behavioural issues are not enough to call SS over? I am really worried. The dr will hopefully call me tomorrow to explain why she took those notes but in the meantime I can't stop thinking about it.

The fact that it was your record rather than DS1's is especially weird.

I'd be ready to make a formal complaint to the practice manager if when the doctor's explanation is unsatisfactory.

A kind of arse-covering/ child protection mania seems to have swept the public sector and some people have forgotten where the line is.

Looks like a background note to me, just observations. From your account perfectly factual. I'd really not worry about it.

do you struggle to control your ds, cant remember which one had age inappropriate behaviour?
does seem like a child protection issue, but fair enough,

roger, you're jesting? Which bit sounds like a CP issue?

It sounds to me like a factual and accurate background note. Which may be useful when discussing your anxiety, or if indeed you ever come back and raise concerns about your child's behaviour.

It doesn't at all sound like an attempt to diagnose anything, or a precursor to "building a case" for SS.

Social services struggle to find time to see families where the child's wearing shoes literally six sizes too big and can't keep them on, has no coat on and hasn't been fed today, and has scabies and lice. If your GP reports a fidgety child not listening and possible missed immunisations SS are going to laugh at him - I think you're quite safe!

What the GP might do if it's a good practice is let the health visitor know and you might get a call to see if you'd like to talk about behaviour or immunisations with them. And that will be an offer if you'd like it, nothing scary.

Minki - honestly read through your posts... you need to slow down long enough to draw breath. No wonder you're stressed! You don't have to be a perfect parent, about a quarter of 6 year olds have 'behavioural issues'.
As others have said, you really don't have much to worry about other than finding the time to enjoy family life instead of living it at 100mph and expecting to kids to keep up. Have a

A question about your earlier comment Op... You say autism was quickly ruled out. Can I ask who by?

I'm asking because my very academically bright, and actually quite social, DS would have behaved exactly as you described on a trip to the Dr, and we have had numerous people (including teachers!) dismiss his diagnosis of Aspergers because he doesn't fit THEIR perception of autistic spectrum.

I think the quick "screening tool" questionnaires used by teachers, HV etc can suggest people on the edge of the spectrum don't have a problem, but they are not diagnostic tests (the proper tests are long and involve a number of professionals assessing the child.

I agree with pp, the notes were just relevant background comments,. You were stressed, and the Dr was noting that.

the kids

Can I say if a badly behaved child in doctors my DS (7) would be long since in care. The doctors is a hot spot for him to show his most inappropriate behaviour.

I would no be surprised if the call is about immunisations.

I think the fact your worried about it means you should address it with the gp. If could be innocent and taken out of context or she could genuinely be worried. For what it's worth my hv diagnosed me with pnd after a chance meeting in the waiting room when I'd been waiting with Ds1 for a completely unrelated issue.

She came over and asked if I was ok and when I burst into tears she told me she would come and see me at home that afternoon, which she did. I would never have gone to see her and told her I was struggling but she picked up on it straight away and was the best help I had. She fought with the Dr' s who said I had a "little anxiety issue that didn't need treatment" and kept seeing me until I felt better.

Social Services were never mentioned.

When I went to the dr with dd2 once, the dr watched me go, then suddenly called me back. I went back in and he was concerned at the way ds (a toddler at the time) was walking. I was just pleased that he cared enough (and was prepared to make the time) for my dc.

In some ways it's not totally dissimilar to what you've described here.
In ds' case, he was thoroughly examined, referred and found not to have what the dr was concerned about. The dr was quite happy with that. So was I as if it had been, it could have had serious implications if it had been left another year untreated, and I hadn't noticed because I was with ds all the time, I hadn't noticed it.

In your case, it's been raised as a possibility so if in the future you go forward with concerns about your dc1 then the dr will see that note, and be more inclined to listen and refer on. if you don't come forward then it will be left and forgotten about.

I can't see any suggestion SS would be involved.

Perhaps it is a Whole family record thing they have to do?
which would make sense.

Minki I am absolutely positive SS will not be involved. All those stories about kids being taken for no reason are false every single one of them. They are put about by people whose children have been removed and there is also a group of men (including an MP) who get these stories into the media. They come on MN from time to time and some of us (social workers, lawyers, barristers) argue with them, but it makes no difference - they just keep coming on posting crap from the Daily Mail or something. The thing is Social Services can never tell their side of the story because of the need for strict confidentiality.

SO stop worrying. I do think however you should raise your concerns about this recording to the GP in question.

Recording age inappropriate behaviour and lack of response to normal behaviour management strategies can be really helpful if, in the future, the child undergoes a neurodevelopmental assessment. This is very unlikely to be sinister.

Children have been removed from parents who aren't at fault but on those occasions there has been a significant problem and the SW's have to protect children from the most obvious risks. I know a family whose child was removed because she had stopped eating. She was returned to them once they discovered that the reason was Autism. There was a problem and their home life was the most obvious cause so they protected her while they investigated.

There is no problem for SS to investigate in your family so there is nothing for them to blame you for or investigate. What that GP recorded could help a family get support in the future but it isn't ever going to get children taken into care.

If you're worried about having been prescribed ADs in the past, just work out how many children would be in care if that were common practise. Those left with their parents would be in the minority!

Oh sweetheart! I feel for you. Firstly, please don't take anything I say too personally ok. However... I think you're paranoid - in the nicest way possible. The reason I think this is because I am also on anti anxiety and antidepressants pretty much for the same reason as you, partner had an affair and my dad died this September. The only reason I say it is cause I drive myself insane, literally insane over being a good mum and am I doing everything right etc and if someone makes me feel uneasy or makes me doubt myself I get myself in a state! I have an extremely happy/hyper 2 and half year old girl, she screams her head off in public, goes through the doctors drawers when we're there, goes mental when she's on a bus (I'm sure you know where I'm going lol) so when people look at me I always think 'they're looking down on me, they think I'm a bad mum'... but I know they're wrong! She's happy, healthy - bar the usual bugs going round and the odd bump on the head from doing rollypoly off the sofa... so don't beat yourself up! You know you're doing a good job!!!! So what you forget the odd things now and again, you're human. If social services were to ever contact you you have an ex and partner who know how well youre doing! If you ever want a rant feel free to contact me - as you can tell I'm a hood ranter!

Gold mantra - your last comment is the most truth I have heard in a long time! Thank you.

Ahhh, thanks for much everyone. So, dr called me today. When I left the 2nd appointment the dr said he would ask the first dr to call me to explain the notes. I hadn't heard by midday so called the surgery and spoke to a lovely receptionist who managed to reassure me. The dr herself then called and said she had taken notes but would change the heading "child behavioural issues" as it wasn't appropriate, but that she had seen DS1 refuse to do what I ask (several times) and it struck her as usual and she wondered if there was a problem. I asked her why she didn't discuss it with me and she said that she didn't want to raise it in from of DS1 and that she was going to call me to ask if everything was ok. She then apologised for causing any upset or worry! I thanked her and said I had been worried then said there had been some minor issues in the past (so she wasn't totally wrong in her observations as he often refuses to listen/follow instructions) most of which had been resolved. She seemed reassured that it was all under control. So massive phew! I literally thought all night that I was going to have my kids removed from me! Bonkers I know but there is exhaustion, stress and a good dose or paranoia for you!

it struck her as UNUSUAL

I can only assume this GP doesn't have children herself or knows nothing about child development. What sort of world is she living in. I could find her dozens of children who won't stop doing whatever it is they want to do!! Anyway glad you've stopped worrying. She must have a lot of time on her hands if she can bother about something so trivial - I thought GPs were meant to be hard pressed.

How do you know the anti ds made you feel odd if you never took them?

Not to be questioning just not sure if I am reading wrongly

Unusual ..I also suspect it is more usual.

Glad things are sorted. I think sometimes we panic at the not knowing.