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Behaviour/development

Talk to others about child development and behaviour stages here. You can find more information on our development calendar.

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Original poster

Knowing your body

22 replies

sister · 05/04/2002 08:38

My son is three years old. I'm a bit concerned because he has a habit of playing with himself when ever he gets the chance. I keep telling him to stop but I'm concerned about whether I am doing the right thing as I don't want him to develop any hang ups about his body. Does any one have any suggestions to how I should react? Am I being unreasonable telling him to stop???

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Pupuce · 05/04/2002 08:50

All boys play with themselves....it is very common, natural and not a problem... unless he hurts himself of course.
DS who is younger than your son, plays with himself a lot right now because he goes around with no nappy (potty training!)... the HV actually had told me that if I was worried about a tight foreskin I shouldn't because soon enough he would be playing with himself and that would loosen the whole thing : true enough.
Oh and 1 more thing some time ago, Dr Chris or Denise (can't remember) on This Morning also addressed that issue and said it was completely normal (I think the boy was older than 3, maybe 4 or something).

Original poster

sister · 05/04/2002 08:54

Thanks, Pupuce. Maybe I should just let him get on with it then. I just hope that when he gets older he realises it is not something you do in public!

OP posts:

Pupuce · 05/04/2002 09:01

I suspect he only does it when he is naked (so not in public)... does he specifically undress to do this ?

Original poster

sister · 05/04/2002 09:12

When he gets up in the morning he takes his pyjamas off and his younger sister does the same. If he has got trousers on then he leaves himself alone. Part of the problem is that I bath my 2 together and if my daughter touches him then he thinks this is really funny.
I don't want to encourage this sort of behaviour but as I said before I don't want them to develop hang ups. If I tell my daughter not to touch my son and tell my son not to touch himself then I'm worried about what effect this will have on them but if I let them carry on I'm also worried about where this might lead. What should I do????

OP posts:

Tillysmummy · 05/04/2002 09:24

I don't think it's anything to worry about. It's all part of them growing up and discovering their bodies and how they're different. I think it's entirely normal and making an issue of it may lead them to think something is wrong when it's not. I would just let them carry on. I am sure that in a few months they will have lost interest and novelty will have worn off.

Original poster

sister · 05/04/2002 09:32

Thanks, Tillysmummy, you are probably right. It has only really become an issue recently so hopefully the novelty will wear off. I find it hard to just let them carry on, especially when my son starts pulling his foreskin back and I don't like seeing my daughter touch him, but hopefully the novelty will wear off for both of them. I suppose my son finds it amusing when my daughter touches him because he is not used to other people touching him.
I think that maybe I'm over reacting and reading too much in to the whole situation.

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Tillysmummy · 05/04/2002 10:01

I think you're right Sister. The more of an issue you make of it, the more they'll do it and the more of a 'thing' it becomes. Don't worry, I remember exploring with my brother when I was very young and I soon grew out of it. The less attention mum paid the more boring it became !

jasper · 05/04/2002 14:09

Sister, he'll grow out of it - when he's about ninety five

Rozzy · 05/04/2002 16:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster

sister · 05/04/2002 16:33

Thanks Rozzy, I'll try to ignore it all although I'll have to look the other way!

OP posts:

debster · 05/04/2002 20:12

This also happened with my ds. He was doing it every opportunity he could but has grown out of it now. He is 3. He still does it occasionally but not to the same extent. I really wouldn't worry about it. It's perfectly normal.

charliesmummy · 06/04/2002 01:08

My ds is 16 months and he plays with himself too, only when the nappy is off, I was concerned at first and then the other morning I went into his room to wake and change him, dh followed my in a couple of minutes later; having just woken up too, and both ds was playing with himself and yup dh was holding his own too. It made me laugh 16 months and 38 years - NOTHING CHANGES.

JoAnne427 · 09/04/2002 16:32

Charliesmummy - too funny, that image! They never do really grow up, do they? And they hold on to that thing like a security blanket!

maryz · 09/04/2002 20:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bumblelion · 10/04/2002 16:49

Charliesmummy - the image you portrayed did make me laugh.

I don't make a fuss when my son (5) plays with his willy - the only problem I have is when he makes it erect. Makes me feel a bit strange, even though he is only 5.

Original poster

sister · 11/04/2002 13:54

Bubblelion,That is part of the reason why I am concerned as well. My son is only 3 and he makes himself erect which is part of the reason I want him to stop as I don't know what is going through his mind. He can't be having sexual thoughts at 3 but I don't understand what is going on.

OP posts:

Demented · 11/04/2002 14:16

My DS is also three and I suppose like many others of his age does have a willy facination. The only thing I have ever done about it is to ask him if he needs the toilet and when he says no I just tell him to leave his willy alone then, this usually works.

You have to see the funny side sometimes DS was rolling about the floor the other day with DH playing monsters or something, DS had nothing on his bottom half at the time. DS suddenly asked DH to be a dentist and DH told him to lie down then and when DS rolled over there was the willy sticking up, DS blissfully unaware with his mouth wide open ready for his examination. DH and I just went into fits of laughter as I am sure that is something that the dentist doesn't get to see everyday!!!

Bumblelion · 11/04/2002 14:16

Sister, I think we have to accept that obviously boys do get pleasure from playing with themselves and giving themselves an erection - I think we also have to accept that this will follow them into adulthood - although, hopefully, by then they will keep it a bit more private!

Jbr · 11/04/2002 14:22

This problem is as old as the hills and the same advice always gets given out. When kids do this, distract their attention. Also make it
CLEAR this is not something you do in front of people, especially as they get older, they should realise it's actually a crime.

Rhiannon · 11/04/2002 15:25

I have always asked my DS to go into his bedroom if he wants to do it as it is private. He has been "polishing" for some years now (now age 7) and we leave him to it! R

debster · 11/04/2002 19:48

An erect willy isn't necessarily sexual, especially at this age. They touch their bits, it feels nice, the willy becomes erect. It's just a biological reaction. Please don't worry about it.

pupuce · 11/04/2002 20:34

100% right Debster... and our husband sometimes wake up with a "hard one"... as muc as I'd love to think that it's because I am next to him... I know it's biological.
I really don't think there is anything to worry about at that age.
If a boy of 5 did it every day I might start wondering... but a 3 yo ???

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