daughter's strange behaviour at home playdates

[sibdoms]

I have two dds and I am concerned about the way my elder one "does" playdates. I'm not sure if she is just very anxious about having people home, but she seems to undergo a bizarre personality transformation whenever anyone comes back - she behaves very unnaturally, showing off, asking me things she would never normally ask me, and she seems not to know how to relax into play in her own house unless she knows the person very very very well.It must be a home thing, because she seems to be popular and have a wide variety of friends. She is 7.5 and very experienced at playdates. I have to put myself at the other end of the house so i don't have to listen to her weird behaviour, as it makes me very sad. I don't know how to confront her about it. Obviously if she is blatantly showing off and I am there I will gently correct her, but it's just weird that she can't relax with people in her own home and I get anxious that she will drive people away with her oddness.Advice?

doesnt sound odd to me

all children do this do they not? show off when people are round

i hope so because my 4 yr old is a bit like this, and i see her friends do it when we are at their house

My 4yo is also like this.. think it's pretty natural.

The showing off thing is very normal. My 9 yr old was doing it this week, being very cheeky to me

I had the same thing with DS1 at about this age. He had loads of friends round on a regular basis, but one day he just decided to go to bed and left me with two of his friends to entertain!

This happened several times, but eventually he just stopped.

I wondered if it was a bit overwhelming, having to be host, trying to impress friends, let them share his space in his room etc.

A grandmother in a playground once said to me that you should never watch children play, as it will only lead to parental anxiety.

I think she was very wise!

Aha, but my dd is 7.5! My 5 year old is fine in contrast, just gets on with playing, always has ideas and is involved in imaginary games. THAT is what I find odd. And she REALLY shows off, like interupting me on the phone, talking over me about trivia (mainly food) coming into my office when she knows she's not allowed, requesting items that she knows fine well we don't have in the house, and then seeming not to be able to settle into a game. I don't want to be hovering over her - I see it as her job to work things out with her guest - but I just find the whole thing painful.

Sorry x post Peter Cushion. I know.I agree with you about the anxiety thing, which is why I wonder whether I should prepare her with a list of dos and don'ts or ideas for when friends come round. But I come from a very intrusive family and I really don't like to interfere with her friends and her social life. I am up here in the office now trying not to listen to their very painful game of schools in which my dd is ranting on and the other child is...........silent.............!

DD does a version of this too. Very disrespectful/rude to me, silly, loud and flighty. We had a playdate last week and both dd and her friend were so busy saying to each other "pretend this" and "no, pretend this instead" that neither of them listened to each other, or played the other's game.

I think there are some issues about allowing someone else to be "in charge" in dd's territory, so she can become unbearably bossy.

I guess the fact that many people have posted quickly means that many of us experience some version of this baffling behaviour. It does make me wonder what how she behaves around her peers at school.

Do her friends seem to mind when she's being 'odd'? If her pals put up with her happily then I don't think you should worry!

Personally I'd be strict about the rules with regard to coming into your office and giving you cheek. I've warned my kids about things like that. But I'd let her act how she wants with her friends and if it ever does lead to a social problem, deal with it then.