Desperate for help/advice - 7 week old doesn't want to be held just wants breast

[Dee222]

Hello

I'm hoping that someone might be able to help or even offer any advice/reassurance.

My7 week old little boy doesn't like to be held. He cries and frets when you try to cuddle him (either cradle hold, on lap, looking out or over shoulder etc). I can hold him for few mins max if I walk around and he is distracted by things, but he soon has enough.

He has always been quite laid back since birth but he did let himself be cuddled in the first week or two before changing (no idea why).

The only time he will be on me is when he breastfeeds, which he wants to do constantly. As he goes for an hour a time I have been advised this is not for food, more comfort. However it's the only time I get to cuddle my baby so am enduring raw nipples to do this as so desperate for him to want mummy cuddles and to feel he even wants me around!

The heartbreaking thing is that he is fascinated by strangers and people he doesn't see often, and will happily be cuddled by them.

I feel so sad I can't cuddle him and worry i am a rubbish mummy or there is something about me that he doesn't like

Sorry for such a long post! But any help/experiences would be so appreciated. I find this heartbreaking.

Xx

Aww OP. Of course he likes you! You're his whole world at this point. He probably chills out with other people because they don't smell of milk to him.

An hour at a time is quite long for a feed though, and he shouldn't be making you sore. Are you getting lots of wet and dirty nappies, is he putting on weight? It might be worth going to your local breastfeeding support group to see if you can get him to be a bit more efficient on the breast, then you might get more time for cuddles!

It could also just be his personality, DS was never very cuddly at this age and was always more interested in the world around him. He's got more cuddly as a toddler though, I now have to peel him off me for a bit of peace

Oh and at the moment, he doesn't realise that the two of you are separate people. When he does, you'll probably find that he wants to be held by you more. In fact, he probably won't let you out of the room to go to the loo by yourself

OP, if he was mine I'd give him a dummy Boobs for milk: dummy for comfort (I'm assuming that he doesn't already have a dummy).

Do what is best for you both - and that includes your bonding together.

Thanks both. He is doing really well in himself, gaining lots of weight and lots of nappies etc.

I haven't given him dummy yet. I have been a bit worried that either he would end up needing it pretty constantly or it would impact on his latch (especially as it took us a while to get it right after tongue tie). But maybe I need to look into - is there a type or brand that is best to minimise any nipple confusion?

I'm sure everybody thought I just chucked my ds at my dh for the 1st 7 months of his life. They were right I couldn't hold my son without him wanting feeding. So any social outing I never got to be holding my child else he would be fussy and wanting milk. Broke me heart aswel x

My

Yup, to him at the moment you = food. He needs you desperately. He's much too small to have any concept of whether he 'likes' you or not. It sounds weird but this is not personal. Everything he does at the moment is done by instinct, he is not choosing how he feels about you.
I had similar issues with my first baby. I thought she loved her Dad more and he was so much better at it than me. Obviously that wasn't the case. It was just easier for him. He wasn't recovering from a physically gruelling labour, wasn't pumped full of hormones, wasn't having to have his nipples chewed off every 2 hrs 24hrs a day. It started to improve after about 8 weeks.
I would definitely start trying to extend time between feeds a bit. i think nipple confusion is unlikely after 7 weeks. Feeding is well established.
Don't beat yourself up. Just concentrate on getting through these first weeks. It's a hard slog but each week will see it getting easier.

I agree that he shouldn't get nipple confusion now if you were to introduce a dummy. For example, my dd2 had one after 4w and it didn't present any problems.

I think what dummy you choose depends upon orthodontic preferences: a 'cherry teat' is the largest and roundest, so may give the classic arch shape between the upper and lower set of teeth if dummy sucking continues into toddlerhood (or beyond). You can buy orthodontic dummies that have a flatter shape.

Maybe try a dummy as a short-term solution and wean your LO off at a later time?

Thanks so much for reading and posting mums, I really appreciate it!

The dummy does sound like it may help at the moment. I am slightly worried that he will just cry any time he doesn't have boob or dummy in mouth throughout the day, but I guess until I try I don't know!

Did you find there is a best way to introduce a dummy? Ie should I do it when I cuddle him or will he then associate me still with something to suck? I thought maybe DH could introduce if that was any better?

I will look into the orthodontic dummies, thank you!
Xx

How long has it be going on for? Could it be the six week growth spurt? I would be tempted to go with the flow and just feed when baby wants and see how things are in a week if you can bear it.

My DS was like that. Too happy to be left in his bouncer and would cry if picked up. He's still a happy independent baby at 20 weeks, but is also very happy to be held and cuddled! (Except when overtired :))

This has probably been going on for the last 4 weeks, some days a lot worse than others! He has always been slow feeder, but at the 6 week growth spurt he was just as slow but fed pretty much constantly (and gained 13oz that week!) so maybe he is now missing that feeling now the growth spurt has ended? (Only put on 4oz last week)

It's so nice to hear that other mums have experienced this and their LOs have gone on to enjoy cuddles from them and makes things seem not so bad!! Hate to say it, but been begrudging a bit the lovely cuddles and smiles that daddy and everyone else gets so it is nice to know that hopefully my turn will come!

Dee, I think I gave a dummy to my daughter when she was fractious one day. She took the dummy - almost spat it out: in/almost out a few times then furiously sucked it, eyes rolling, until she fell asleep!

I kind of knew after a while how much milk she'd had by the time she'd had enough, so I would unlatch her and pop a dummy in. That worked for us.