Breaking disrupted sleeping habits

[Nattie]

My 5 year old dd has a problem sleeping through the night.

I have to stay with her to get her to sleep - which she does do within minutes of turning off her story tape. I then have to creep out in case she jumps up crying for me to stay.

Then at about 3.00 am she comes into our bed and won't go back. So she sleeps between me and dp for the rest of the night.

I know I shouldn't have let the pattern persist but she appears genuinely too frightened to stay in her own room.

Any advice about reducing the fear of being alone and getting her to sleep through the night?

thanks

Sympathies. My ds is 5 too and has phases of not wanting to go to sleep alone. It usually creeps up on us after some sort of disruption to routine (holidays, visiting grandparents, illness etc).

I think you have to stand firm on this. We re-introduce a very strict bedtime routine, bath, milk, teeth, story then goodnight cuddle and we enforce it rigourously (easier said than done sometimes). I think also that leaving him awake, not asleep, is key.

He will often say he doesn't like the dark, so we let him leave his door open a bit so the landing light comes in, and he has one of those plug in night lights. Maybe you could get her a nice night light or something that you can leave on or that she can put on if she wakes?

With the middle of the night waking - ds doesn't do this anymore, but if you want to break it then I think you have to be prepared to take her back to bed and not let her in with you. It'll be hard for a few nights, but it doesn't normally take long. Possibly best to wait till half term and do it then so she hasn't got school the next day?

Sleep is my big non-negotiable - I am really strict about it as I am utterly foul when I'm knackered. I think you just have to harden your heart for a few nights and say 'this is how it is going to be from now on'.

sorry - meant to say, ds sometimes gets genuinely upset about the dark. The leaving the door open solution was one that we came up with together - so now I can say 'OK, I'll leave the door open like we agreed'. He seems reassured by that - also I think he can hear us which makes him feel better. I also think that once they learn to go to sleep alone at the beginning of the night, they find it easier to go back to sleep if they wake in the middle of the night.

nattie - i feel your pain! my dd (aged 5 2 days ago!) is the same although we dont do the same as you to deal with it. she will either go to bed no problem or is up 3/4 times before even dropping off to sleep - each time taken back but nothing seems to work unless she actually does it herself! also have the night waking 2/3 times per week - she gets either taken back or is told to go back to her room but this can carry on over the whole night - she gets no "reward" for keeping coming in as we dont go and stay with her or let her into our bed so im at my wits end as to what i can try next! if anyone has any other ideas i will be watching this thread with interest but thought i would say your not alone!

We went the Supernanny route and slowly moved out of DS's room at bedtime. We were laying down with him to get him to sleep, then just sat on his bed a few nights, then sat in the chair in his room a few nights, then sat near the door, outside the door, on the stairs and finally were able to leave him. He's still waking up in the early hours of the morning and getting into bed with us but I'm bracing myself for a few rough nights while we break that habit. I'm going to do a star chart to help.

We also leave his door cracked with the hall light on now that it's darker at bedtime.

Thank you.

She has a night light and the door's left open!

I know I've(we've!) got to be firm. I think I wanted to know about other families' experiences. Like cleaninglady, I wondered if there might be any tricks of the trade. I will try the gradual movement out of the room but will leave the putting-back-to-bed-in-the-middle-of-the-night until half-term.

I think at this age it can help to involve them in the process. You don't need to spring it on her - you can tell her what you're planning and ask her what would make it easier for her. Extra story, a promise to look in on her after 15 minutes, whatever.

I'm going to try star charts, too.

Does anybody know of any interesting and unusual downloadable charts?