Ds 6 behaviour in playground, how do I deal with this ?

[prettywhiteguitar]

I need help deciding what to do about this, Ds is year 2 and is nearly 7, he can be quiet with teachers and is coming on with school work but a little behind, otherwise seems to enjoy school and they have a tight group of friends.

I was called in by his teacher for the second time in two months about his behaviour towards two new boys in his class, rough playing, shoving and last time gently punching the bottom of his face

He was told off severely (no tv, and went through how he would feel being punched however gently etc etc)

Anyway just before half term apparently he put his hands round a boys neck , different boy but also new. I was told this morning, how on earth do I get it into his head he can't play like this !!! Not only is it not with his usual group of mates who put up with god knows what from each other ( smacking each other's bums and shoving , dragging each other around ! ) but he's doing it to the new children. !

I felt really disappointed that he hadn't learnt from the last incident. I think I will speak to the playground ladies and see if they have anymore details but other than that if that's what he did what is the most appropriate response. ?

Have you asked him what he has against the new kids?

It doesn't sound like he has anything against the new children. He just plays roughly which is accepted and also done by his usual group of friends (and they enjoy playing in that way). Is that right OP?

What have the school suggested? When I taught we would have set up a reward chart type thing for successful playtimes. Also, I would have reminded him (and the rest of the class) about playing nicely. I would probably have had a chat with your son if we had any other new class members so he could tone it down until he got to know them. TBH I would stop that sort of play amongst the friends as it has the potential to go wrong so quickly.

I'm sure the school must have some sort of 'kind hands' rule.

Maybe he needs more of an instant reaction eg. removed immediately from the playground if he hurts someone.

Sorry I misunderstood, JimmyCorkhill. It confused me that he and his group if friends are seemingly allowed to play rough but he's in trouble when he does same with new boys, you see?

Also didn't mean to suggest he vote some bizarre grudge against newbies, was thinking more that perhaps if the new boys were invading or changing his other friendships he might feel confused and/or threatened by the shift.

I do think we'd all agree this kind of play isn't good--I like biys to be rough and tumble but in a controlled environment. This might sound daft, but have you thought of signing him up for some kind of martial art that emphasises defence, safety, and still gives him a chance to "fight"?

I like girls to be rough and tumble as well, by the way.

I'd talk to him and see if you can make sense of why he's doing this stuff.

If it continues, the most appropriate thing to do is for him to miss playtime or part of it ASAP so he can make the connection - I behaved badly last playtime so am not allowed out for this one.

I think you are very limited in what you can do. It is happening in school, and needs to be dealt with immediately when it happens. In this case I'd think all you can really do is back up the school, and keep doing what you already have, in giving consequences at home, and trying to impress on him that he can't behave like that.

Yes that's my feeling, I say as much as I can but ultimately the school need to deal with playground behaviour.

I think I will ask him tomorrow what games they are playing and why it is getting so rough.

Also turns out that this time it was one if his friends and not a new boy.

Thanks for the responses, it really helps to discuss

I have also had issues with in-school behaviours, classroom and playground. It has taken me until DS is 8 to work out this is a problem for the school to solve; you can talk all you like but you are not there at the time. What worked for us (and it has taken 3 full years of school) is me coming to meetings with him and the principal teacher for his age group. He then appreciated we were taking things seriously. We also found that his achilles heel with regards to punishments/rewards is to make him apologise in person to the people he has done whatever behaviour to - he hates this! Not all children respond to reward charts etc., mine didn't.

I would caution against losing playtime btw, they need the running about and losing it may not solve any problems but create new ones.

Thank you that is really helpful, if it carries on that looks like a good option.