DS is 3 next month and his behaviour is dreadful. At my wits end!

[MrsArchchancellorRidcully]

DD is 6 and she was also quite a challenging 2-3 yr old but around 3.5 she got a lot better, but she was brilliantly behaved at nursery and never physical.
DS however is the same at home or at nursery (he goes FT to a private day nursery). We use the same parenting techniques, reward charts, calm voices, time out, removal of treats/toys, try very hard not to shout but he wants everything NOW. He tantrums at least 2 or 3 times a day, kicks, hits and bites us and the staff at nursery. He throws toys.

When he's calm, he's fabulous - a loving, caring, bright little boy but he is also (I think) very sensitive, so the smallest thing will set him off and he turns into this raging aggressive wreck.
Nursery are supportive and working with us but I am so worried - what if it carries onto school?! There is a boy in DD's class who is always at the head for things. I'm worried that will be DS.

I hate getting him from nursery in case he's hurt another child that day. I just don't know what to do - when he's asked to stop doing something, he won't. I count and say if he doesn't I will remove him from the room/turn tv off/take away toy he doesn't care. I don't want to use time out for anything but hitting. When I remove him, he collapses in a bawling heap, lashing out and so it goes on.

Please help - is this usual for a 35 m old?

He may be a "spirited" child-I am currently reading "Raising your Spirited Child" by Mary Sheedy Kurcinka-DS3 sounds similar in lots of ways, and he is also very sensitive, easily overwhelmed, introverted and very physical-everything is at top speed/volume most of the time-it's exhausting and difficult at times but getting easier now I think I have a better understanding and appreciation of his temperament. The book's quite helpful for different ways of dealing with/heading off the tricky behaviour.Hope things get easier for you both soon. It is a huge worry I know, but you are not alone, a significant minority of children behave similarly at this age

I agree with BrokenCircle. Your DS sounds like a spirited child. I have used raising your spirited child and it worked for me. It is all about understanding them and watching for triggers. Please try not to worry about it carrying on at school it's along way off!
There is a reason why he is behaving the way he is. You just need to find the reason. If he feels tired hungry unwell etc he may not know how to tell you. I find that being hungry can be one reason for this behaviour. Also in my experience I find that children who behave this way at times are very bright.
Do you know the reasons why he hurts other children? Do they "wind him" up knowing they will get a reaction? Do the nursery observe him so they can see what happens before the behaviour?
I feel for you. But in my experience it will get better.