In desperate need of help!

[Becky5W]

I'm really sorry if I have put this in the wrong place but can anyone help.. I'm really struggling with my 18 month old daughter during the night. Basically our routine goes.. Tea between 4.30-5pm, play then supper (either toast or weetabix) around 5-45, bath at 6.15 (sometimes supper goes after bath rather than before!) then whilst we watch 'In the night garden', she has a cup of milk (I say cup but it's really only 3 sips out of the cup) at around 6.45-7 then bed straight after. She goes to bed fine, but wakes up anywhere between 3-5am and screams.. We used to give her a bottle during the night until 2/3 weeks ago as I didn't realise she shouldn't have had them after she turned 1. When she did have a bottle, she would go straight back to sleep and wake between 6-6.30pm. Nothing settles her, we try putting her dummy back in, giving her teddy to cuddle, bringing her in with us, giving her a cup of milk.. Nothing has worked and it's now got to the point where we let her cry until 5 then we get up with her. We are absolutely exhausted and it's really starting to affect us as a couple. She does eat well, however, we do have issues with her throwing her food/drinks onto the floor so she doesn't usually finish it all. We have tried being strong and saying No to her when she does this but she just laughs or cries... It's almost as if she's saying she's had enough and wants it out of her sight so we do then take the food away from her and just offer it to her when she's back playing. I'm so tempted to give her the bottle back just in the night to try and get her to sleep a bit longer (only in the night thou as during the day is fine!) but we have noticed a different with speech etc. When we bring her in with us, she won't lie still, cries and then tries to pull hair or poke me in the face! Has anyone else had their child waking up like this and if so, does it ever end?! We are both so tired and we do not know what to do about it. Any advice and help would be gratefully received!

I would try the bottle again.

Bottle. Sanity must prevail

Ds didn't sleep through til gone 2. He had milk in the night. Path of least resistance. If he didn't have it he still woke up and cried for ages. With a small cup if milk he went straight back to sleep

I have to say I would choose the path of least resistance personally! Sleep deprivation is awful. Maybe reintroduce it but try to start reducing the amount in the bottle bit by bit? As for the food, 2 year old DS used to throw his food on the floor when he'd had enough. We just took it to be a signal that he's had enough and took it away. He's grown out if it now. Sometimes he finishes his plate, often he doesn't, but as soon as he starts messing around with it it's gone. Why are you offering it to her again when she's playing - do you not think she's eating enough?

Thank you for all of your replies. Really really appreciate your help. I try and offer her more coz I just want her to eat really! If we see someone who hasn't seen her for ages or someone is talking to us in the shops or we see someone the same age as her, people always comment about how small she is and how she looks so much younger than 18 months.. It makes me feel like I'm not giving her enough.. I did ask the doctor last week if she was okay weight wise as he weighed her to find the right dose for antibiotics as she has been poorly with chest infection and he said she was fine.. Both myself and my hubby are small and he said that she is never going to be tall because of that and her weight is totally normal. I'm just so scared that I'm not giving her much even though she does eat plenty!

Bottle! My DS still gets up sometimes through the night screaming and gets a bottle he's 15 months. I gave up listening to advice and professionals and do what I feel is right he won't go to school with a bottle so what's the harm :)

If the doctor says she is ok and she is following her centile, I would just assume she is going to be small and had an appetite to match. I'm always conscious of trying not to coax DS to eat more than he wants, as they say you can override the natural signals of "fullness" and create an overweight adult who doesn't recognise when they're full. If he messes around with dinner (he doesn't throw any more but starts "playing cars" around the table with bits of food!) I take it to mean he's finished! Some toddlers do seem to eat like little birds, I think it's pretty normal as they don't actually seem to gain much weight between 1-2 years, they just get longer & slimmer!

Who on earth told you she shouldn't have a bottle after she turned one? Nobody told her that! If she enjoys her bottle and it settles her then for goodness sake let her have a bottle. It really doesn't matter. I used to leave a bottle in dd1's bed till she was about two, she used to love it.

Thank you all, I wish I had posted this a couple of weeks ago! Really appreciate all the advice given! I had read on a different message board about how it's no good for their teeth, speech etc and how once they turn 1 then they should eat enough to keep them full all night! I felt terrible when I read it that I just stopped the bottles! Worst decision I could have made!

It's s learning curve ain't it?!

Don't best yourself up. She'll be alright. My dd has never had any problems with her teeth or speech. In fact she was very forward with speech and could talk by eighteen months. She's very eloquent now and often gets asked to read aloud at school and narrate in plays etc. Ignore the doom-and-gloomers.

Another one saying bottle!
Giving a 3 year old a bottle to suck on all day won't do teeth any favours but just turned one and having a bottle at night? Do it! Save your sanity, your sleep and your relationship!

I think in theory it's not great for their teeth (obviously you don't brush teeth after night feeds) but I think the reality is that most people I know were still giving some bottle feeds at well over one. I was always told not to just leave a bottle in their cot for them to suck on-and-off all night, as the sugar in the milk is an issue, but if she wakes I can't see what is wrong with giving her a bottle then. I think with speech it's more of an issue if they are walking around sucking on a bottle or dummy all day long, I can't see how having one bottle at night would interfere with speech development?

DS never wanted a night feed past about 8 months but he still had his bedtime milk in a bottle until about 18 months (and used to fall asleep having it - I still miss those snuggly feeds!). It's such a learning curve (DS is my first too) and babies haven't all read the book, so don't beat yourself up.

Thank you for your advice

If you're concerned about bottle sucking, then she can probably manage a straw cup too.

She sounds hungry though!

I try and offer her more coz I just want her to eat really!

Don't try to persuade her to eat more, ever.

Make sure she has access to plenty of food which covers a good balanced diet and leave her to it. If she starts throwing food on the floor, remove the rest and get her down. Don't offer it to her when she's playing. Just forget about food until the next meal time.

Her weight is correct for her height. That means she is the size she is meant to be. Feeding her more will not make her taller.

Give her the bottle back at night so that you can all get some sleep then rethink your approach to food before the good eater you're describing ends up being a resistant eater.

Can you phase the bottle out more gradually? Eg. Water it down a bit more every few days so that eventually it is very weak? I did that with dd and she stopped waking for it in the end.

I agree let her have a bottle she is still only young. My dd is also 18 months and often wakes in night for a breast feed. Let her do it when she's ready there is no point putting yourself or her through all the upset for the sake of one bottle of milk.
As for her teeth one bottle will be fine I think you have to only start worrying if your dd has a bottle hanging out of her mouth 24/7.

My 20 month old son still wakes up every night, I lift him into my bed, give him a (pre made at the side of my bed) bottle of juice, about 4 oz and he goes straight back to sleep when he's finished.. sometimes I can go and place him back in his own bed and sometimes I fall asleep with him before I get the chance.. I've heard you should try and make them stay in their own bed with no soothers (juice, milk) and just help them off to sleep, so far this has never worked for me! So I'd say that a little drink in the night is fine, it can't do her any harm I'm sure and you get to sleep sooner!