I can't do it anymore - helpline needed

[Chickz]

Hello
I've posted countless times on here about how I'm really struggling with life with my 1 year old high need DD. I've gone back to part time which has helped but the past 3 days have been torture. My dd is a cryer. Has been since birth. Please don't respond saying have I checked this and that. I have. Checked everything. A zillion times. Elimination diets. Osteopathy. Ears. Everything. She is just high needs and v sensitive. Everything upsets her. So things been a bit better now I'm at work and she's at nursery. She doing ok and nursery, not as whiny as at home. She's not walking yet but is close I hope. The past year has been hell and whilst there has been v slow improvements I feel like I'm back to square 0 again after the last few days. Always whining whinging crying. Cries to be picked up but then cries after a few mins of being in arms. I think it's general frustration at not walking and not being able to communicate. At generally at being a helpless baby. She's also not eating at the mo either but that's another story.

Anyhow I called crisis charity for support. They told me they couldn't help me (I just want someone to listen really) as they said they only deal with sleep problems. DD is an average sleeper - sleeps from 7pm to 530am with a couple of wake ups so not horrendous. Couldn't offer me anything.

I'm at my wits end. My DH is great but sometimes I need someone to talk to on the bad days whilst he's at work. All my mummy friends all have generally easy babies compared to me. I don't know anyone in my situation and feel very isolated.

So does anyone know a charity or parents help line that i could call in times of need to offer words of support to get me through the day?

I'm on anti drpressants by the way but they don't help me much. I'm being worn away by my crying high needs baby.

So sorry to hear you are struggling. Try this

Family Lives offers a confidential and free* helpline service (previously known as Parentline). Please call us on 0808 800 2222 for information, advice, guidance and support on any aspect of parenting and family life, including bullying. Family Lives free helpline support staff take calls from 7am – midnight, any calls during the night are answered by Samaritans. If you need to speak to someone during the night we can divert your call to the Samaritans who are available to offer emotional support.

Hi Chickz, sorry you are going through this Have you been in touch with your local Home Start? They can be a fantastic support offering practicle information, support and also sign posting, most of all they can offer an ear to listen when you may feel you have no where left to turn. I cannot imagine the stress this must be causing you and the effect is will be having on your mental health.

I can't give you a helpline but I did once look after a baby who was just as you describe. She didn't eat well slept okish and cried ALOT. She completely changed once she was walking. She didn't seem to enjoy being a baby!
I cannot pretend to know just how hard it must be for you but I do know that looking after a crying baby for a few hours a day was very tiring. So I can only imagine how hard it is.
Have you got family that you could talk to?

It has been so tough, so very tough. I don't really have family I can call during the day which is when I need the support. They all work and have other priorities during the daytime hours.

Thank you so much Carrie for the number, I'm definately going to call when I'm next struggling.

Oneflewout - I didn't even think of home start. Will have to find their number.

Alex - I'm hoping things improve for us as they did with the baby you looked after.

If anybody else has any tips or advice they will all be greatly appreciated. Feel so lucky to have my baby but then so unlucky with what we've had to go through. It really had been/is hell and I'm result hoping for real improvement soon - I've been patient enough.

I don't have any advice, but I just wanted to let you know that I know two mothers who had babies who sound similar to yours. They found that things improved dramatically once their babies learned to walk and talk, and said it was as though they hated the frustrations of babyhood. So hopefully it will be like that for you, too, and soon you will have a happier child and will be able to relax again. In the meantime, I also want to say that I really admire the way that you are still able to empathise with your DD and consider things from her point of view even though you feel like shit and are having to do without the positive feedback from your baby which is what keeps most parents going through the hard times.

read 'the highly sensitive child' by Arun. It will make you see a sensitive child in a new light. It casts a brief eye over babyhood to young adulthood but it helped me understand my child and changed our relationship for the better.

Over the years I have noticed that babies often take their mood from their main carer. So of you are feeling delicate, more often then not the baby will too. If you are having a bad day, the baby will follow your lead there also. It's like they are finely tuned into emotions. Meeting your own needs was very important (excersise, healthy food, pampering, time to yourself)

My sensitive child was totally different to my other kids. I thought I had it all sussed till he came along but things are great now after much reading

My child didn't suddenly get better once walking and talking sadly. However the more I have learnt about what his needs are, the happier he has been

Just to add lastly my DS is very emotionally sensitive and physically sensitive. Socks with seams, smells all irritate him. However he's also very bright and articulate with a huge amount of empathy, humour and creativity.

Maybe you could look in baby signing ( its a kind of sign language for babies) so the baby can communicate with you.

Sorry you are having a tough time. As someone else posted previously, you could try family lives. www.familylives.org.uk/
It used to be Parentline plus, and I used them a couple of times when I was at my wit's end, and it was very helpful. They can chat online as well, if you don't feel up to phoning.

My little girl was also thoroughly miserable for about the first 18 months and a terrible sleeper. She has grown out of it now, she's 2 1/2.
In fact the Dr once asked me, does she always cry like that? When I replied yes, all the time, on and off, including nights, she immediately gave me the name of a physio and a osteopath. Neither seemed to help, to be honest.

I was also going to suggest baby signing - do it the easy way, and watch the DVD together. We live abroad and so couldn't go to classes, but watching the DVD and singing together seemed to help.

www.amazon.co.uk/Sing-Sign-Baby-Signing-Fun/dp/B0000DZRHU/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1415131060&sr=8-1&keywords=sing+and+sign+dvd

What about baby massage?

My little girl is now the life and soul of the party, although she's still a handful. All the best

We've been doing some baby signing and will continue to do so. Thank you efeslight and Carrie.

Majestic thank you I now have another number and port of contact.

We used to do baby massage loads but now at bedtime she's v whiny as she knows her milk bottle is coming and so massage is out i think! She does enjoy the bath though so that's good.

Fox biscuits is that book worth reading even though my dd is just 1? I've got the sears fussy baby book which was v useful.

I'm really glad I posted, I now have numbers to call and home start to make contact with.

Chickz my daughter was/is like this. I think she must have hated being a baby. All she did was cry. She is now 5 and for the most part delightful. She still has her moments but now that she is older I can tell her to go to her room when she is carrying on. She is still quite emotional and sensitive and to be honest attention seeking but really really improved from when she was a baby. The hardest part I think is it's harder to bond with a baby like this. I feel for you and hope things start to improve soon.

Thank you teafor1. Lovely to hear your story. When did things start to improve for you?

Hi Chickz, oh I really feel for you, I do! My DD was very similar and the first year was awful, second year a bit better, and then better by increments ever since. I know it's no bloody use to you at the moment but it WILL get better! No magic solutions, I doubt she'll change overnight, but for my DD at least things did markedly improve once she could talk. Like others have said, I think she - and probably your DD - are/were just very frustrated by babyhood and not being able to communicate and do/get what they want on their own.

My DD is nearly 6 now and TBH she is still a handful sometimes - very sensitive, very headstrong, can have awful tantrums. BUT - things are so much easier when you can have a conversation with them, honestly they are. She is also very smart, funny, very confident and independent, and so so kind and loving.

I wish I could help more because I know it's no good when people say, Oh, they'll grow out of it. You need help HERE and NOW. All I can say is - be kind to yourself, find any way you can to do things for yourself here and there. Do you have a partner who can take the strain sometimes? Like you, I found going back to work part-time really helped, but also going out in the evenings, seeing friends on your own, going for a massage (if you like that kind of thing), buying little treats - maybe it sounds trivial but I found that if I gave myself little "rewards" then it made the stress, anxiety, etc a bit better.

Do you have friends you can rant at, who won't judge but will just prop you up? I know you say other babies you know are calm, but do you have friends with older children, or indeed friends without children who can listen? Counselling services via your GP? I know you're on anti-depressants, but you could take the two-pronged approach... Anyway, just to say I really sympathise and I'm sorry you have it so tough. Feel free to PM me if you like, if you want to chat...

Oh, and also - worth contacting your health visitor? I've learned from being on MN that many of them unfortunately seem to be rubbish, but I was lucky in that ours was hugely sympathetic and even now, years later, I remember her as a bright light of support in that awful, dark first year. I bumped into her in the supermarket the other day and after exchanging 'hello, how are you's, I told her how much her support had meant to us and found myself getting all emotional and choked up - I nearly cried! Had to mentally tell myself to get a grip But that just goes to show, it was so upsetting, the situation we were in. I do really feel for you.